How Can I Communicate Better With My Partner?

Relationships between two people don't exist in isolation. Past experiences, personal history and expectations all influence a relationship, and often the way we communicate in our relationships is as a result of our past.

If you’re one of the many people who feel that you and your partner do not communicate properly, this post is for you. Here I explore how to open the lines of communication, especially if the relationship is suffering, and help build a stronger union.

Many people find that they are not confident about talking about difficult issues and emotions, even with their partner. They find themselves either getting upset or angry and struggling to really explain how they feel or what’s bothering them. This can be particularly difficult if their partner is not a great communicator either, or if they are super confident and prone to dominate a conversation.

You can get help with confidence issues and this can have a really positive impact on your relationships, helping you communicate better and build a deeper relationships. Hypnotherapy for confidence can help, you can find out more about this treatment here.

The Importance Of Good Communications

Communication with your partner is not only talking about everyday topics like ‘how was your day’ or ‘did you have a good day at work?’ It’s about really making the time and effort to listen, be interested, and talk to each other in an open manner.

Couples who have good communication when things are going well, will also find it much easier to communicate with each when things are not so good. This provides you with a great foundation for dealing with life’s ups and downs, and making your relationship work through thick and thin.

The ways in which you communicate with your partner can make or break a relationship. Below are some tips for communicating when things are difficult. Following these can help you deal with emotions, resentments and relationship issues, and improve your relationship with your partner:

1. Finding the right time to have a difficult conversation is one of the first things that you can do. If there is a problem or issue it is essential to make time to discuss it calmly in the right environment. Clear a few hours to have that difficult conversation so you’re not rushing. Put all of this in the diary/calendar so that there is no opting out.
2. Make sure it’s face-to-face. These days there are so many ways to communicate like text messages, Facebook, Skype or emails. But these are not the best way to communicate with your partner about serious issues. Face-to-face, however difficult a conversation is the best way of opening lines of communication.
3. Choose your words carefully when you are talking to your partner. Sometimes when we are angry and frustrated, the word ‘you’ sounds attacking and can result in your partner to be defensive and not receptive to your message. You can use instead ‘I feel that we had not been talking recently’ instead of the pointy finger ‘you’.
4. Being honest is important, as if you want the relationship to work even if telling the truth to your partner hurts. Every person makes mistakes and admitting and apologising for them is a natural process. This will make the relationship stronger and you will feel better.
5. Your body language is another important factor. Sit and speak in a calm manner, give your full attention and make eye contact.
6. There is saying that you should never go to bed angry. So if you or your partner is still hurt by an argument you had, follow the 48 hour rule and have that difficult conversation. Have the conversation about why you / they are angry or upset, and get it out in the open.

Ways To Communicate If There Is Anger

Most couples go through a period where there is anger in the relationship, it is therefore important to learn to resolve any conflict that arises in a healthy manner.

- If you get angry take a deep breath, Stop, calm down and step back. Either go into another room, go for a walk or listen to your favourite music or do some activity that distracts you. Don't vent the anger, give yourself breathing room to stop and listen to what your partner has to say in the disagreement you both are facing.
- Think about the reason behind your anger, what was the situation that caused the upset and the words used. Be honest and open with yourself and your partner and don't let the situation build up so the angry thoughts are swirling and you cannot think straight.
- Talk in a calm manner to your partner and follow the stop and think first, then breath deeply and gently explain your point of view. Also important at this time is to look at the non-verbal communication signals that your partner is displaying, for example: your partners’ body language (folded arms, no eye contact etc.), tone of both your voices, eye signals and listen patiently to each other’s view point. All these will give you a clue to what is occurring in the discussion and ways to resolve the issues.
- Listen to your partners’ upset feelings, hurt and give them your full attention. Do this in a safe environment: your relationship deserves an expression of feeling from both partners in a safe environment. Don't let the anger, hurt and pent up emotion dominate. Break the cycle of not communicating and listen to your partner point of view and say ‘I sometimes don't hear what you are saying, but now focusing on listening to you’.

The most important part about communicating well with your partner is not letting a discussion turn into an angry argument. Treating each other with respect and keeping the discussion focused on one topic only, and making the time to have that difficult conversation. Sometimes we resort to cheap shots that can get the argument only more heated so by being respectful and stop, think, talk and listen you will then open the lines of communication with your partner in a healthy way.

If you think that hypnotherapy for confidence could help you become a better communicator, or would just like to discuss how it can help, please get in touch. Email astarandrea@gmail.com for a confidential chat about your feelings and the challenges you face.