There has been a lot of talk about bullying lately – and with good reason. Bullying is a traumatic experience that deeply marks victims and impacts every aspect of their life, long after the harassment ends. In America alone, 28 percent of kids are victims of bullying throughout the school year. Now, new platforms of victimization offered by the digital age means bullies can continue their harassment via text, email, YouTube and social media. In fact, according to latest stats on cyberbullying, more than 50 percent of teens say they’ve witnessed online bullying of classmates and friends online. This powerful public platform works to compound the feelings of embarrassment, fear and shame associated with bullying and creates new and complex challenges for individuals and groups looking to help victims and put an end to this type of harassment.
Bullies Leave Invisible Scars
To fully grasp the serious impact of bullying on victims, I wanted to share Danielle’s story. She takes us back to a time when she was 11 years old. For Danielle, getting ready for school stirs up thoughts that instantly make her panic. She thinks about the hallways packed with other students, her heavy books falling to the floor, the sound of the bell between classes. She thinks about the changing room in gym where other girls whisper mean things about her skinny frame and frail appearance. She thinks about sitting by herself in the lunchroom and the picture of kids whispering and laughing. These thoughts put her stomach in knots and her hands get all sweaty. Her breathing becomes heavier. She is afraid.
These images make Danielle anxious because they remind her of the bullying that she endures daily. Children laughing at her, saying mean things as they walk behind her in the hallways and playing mean tricks on her have become frequent occurrences. She’s even been pushed and spit on. To make matters worse, she feels alone and like she can’t tell anyone. She fears that if she tells the teachers, she’ll be labeled a ‘tattle tale’ causing worse bullying. She worries about her parents coming to school and making a scene and embarrassing her.
She is also concerned about ‘disappointing’ her parents who have an image of her as confident, happy and popular. Because the truth is, she doesn’t feel confident, happy or popular. The bullying is making her feel horrible about herself. She’s anxious about saying and doing all the ‘wrong’ things that will make her a ‘target.’ It seems to her that no matter what she says or does, she’ll be a target for bullies.
Every day she feels like crying but fears more teasing so she pushes down her feelings and continues with her day. All of it combines to create an intense mix of shame, embarrassment, self-hatred, anger, sadness and loneliness. It’s impacting her school work and worse, her joy and self-image.
Bullies Attack Belief
She started to believe that who she really is, makes her a target for bullies and begins to create the belief system that she needs to be someone else. She begins to pay closer attention to how ‘popular’ kids dress, act, walk and talk. She ‘learned’ how to play this part – the part of a ‘normal’ girl.
So, at the end of the school year, when she moves with her family to a different city, she sees it as an opportunity for a ‘new’ start and vows to herself that she will never be bullied again. Playing this part of a ‘normal’ girl starts to pay off, at least for a while. She begins making lots of friends and getting invited to birthday parties and other special events. She starts to see the ‘rewards’ of playing the part and feels like her problem (being bullied) has been solved.
This belief that playing the part is better than being herself, became deeply embedded in her subconscious as a response to the trauma of bullying (It’s interesting that we form our beliefs systems to convince ourselves that it will keep us away from immediate harm). Her belief systems become such a part of her identity that the act of ‘role playing’ becomes a very natural, automatic behavior that she does not consciously think about.
Bullies disappear. The pain stays.
As she gets older and into college she makes lots of friends and remains popular but continues to battle with bouts of depression, anxiety and insecurity. She also struggles with the authenticity of her friendships and wonders why she never feels like she can be totally ‘herself’ with even her closest friends. These overwhelming negative feelings consume her even during otherwise happy moments.
In adulthood even with a great job, family and group of friends she still struggles with these powerful emotions and wonders why? She even starts to doubt her present life circumstances. Perhaps she’s suffering from early signs of depression or maybe she needs a different group of friends around her? Perhaps it’s time for a career change?
Danielle isn’t quite sure what’s wrong but she becomes determined to do away with this ‘distraction’ as soon as she can so she can “enjoy” her life. She begins to seek ‘traditional’ forms of assistance like counseling, meditation and medication – but none of it solves the issue permanently.
It’s because none of these forms of ‘help’ address the root source of her emotional challenges. We now know that to address the problem we have to approach the subconscious, where every experience we’ve ever had is stored, in an effective way in order to transform their negative effects on our present life. Every single piece of data absorbed through our senses is coded with a particular feeling that was present at the moment you stored this information. Whenever we come across a similar piece of data in our present environment, we instantly experience that same feeling in our body. This is how our subconscious allows us to process and confront the world in front of us.
Those pieces of data with the most powerfully negative feelings impact us even more intensely. So when Danielle was bullied, during the periods of the most traumatic attacks, which caused her to feel an extreme loss of control, her body entered a heightened survival mode. In that state, everything her senses absorbed (The sound of the school bell, the color of her books, crowds of children passing in the hallway, the sound of laughter) was processed with that extremely negative, anxious feeling combined with sweating, increased heartbeat and tensed muscles. This negativity is activated by a number of triggers in Danielle’s present environment. ANYTHING that resembles this powerful data, impacts her immediately.
So what Danielle experienced so many years ago, is still impacting her today in very powerful ways. It’s even impacted her belief systems about her self-worth, image, social interaction and friendships which has driven every aspect of her life.
When the pain disappears, clarity moves in.
When Danielle directly addresses this data, called bad clusters, it will instantly free her of the physical symptoms which she labeled as depression, anxiety, and insecurity. Even more amazing is that those self-sabotaging belief systems that kept her stuck in superficial friendships and living a life for others- totally transformed. She feels the freedom to be herself totally and she begins to live the life that is meant for her unique personality. Revealing and re-processing this data in a proper way will reveal the root source of emotional challenges, removing them permanently and offering permanent transformation, clarity and peace of mind.
It’s a process that will end the pain from the past, once and for all.
Research by the Dutch Government
What’s really amazing about this unique technique is that it doesn’t just address the pain of victims. It also addresses the bullies themselves by targeting the emotional root source of the behavior. It’s a successful two-pronged approach that’s offered astonishing results. In one key case, the Dutch government funded a pilot program which addressed bullying using Progressive Mental Alignment with mind blowing results- bullying decreased by 75% overall. For the Dutch readers visit this link. The study, powerfully highlights how the Progressive Mental Alignment technique addresses and improves behavior and emotional challenges on a deep subconscious level.
Why there’s a Global Benefit
It’s the type of solution that reaches and removes the root source of the problem – permanently. Some popular anti-bullying campaigns focus on shedding light on the greater impact of bullying while encouraging victims and bystanders to report incidents of harassment. While these efforts can help shed light on the seriousness of bullying, they don’t reach the core of the crises.
It’s time for a powerful solution that offers permanent healing for victims AND bullies. Every emotion and behavior has a past. Pinpointing the most powerful pieces from the past that drive our thoughts, actions and pain will offer effortless peace, boundless possibilities and powerful permanent solutions to society’s greatest problems.
Join me on the amazing journey towards global peace today!
Progressive Mental Alignment is a self-help institute focused on the language rules of the brain to map its impact on every single aspect of life.