Self-Development: Can Self-Development Condition People To Feel Guilty For Being 'Negative'?

If one is into self–development, there is a strong chance that they will have come across information that emphasises the importance of being ‘positive’. This may mean that one has read a few books and/or it could mean that they have taken part in some kind of course.

Having said that, there is also the chance that they haven’t read a book and/or taken a course, and they may have just watched a number of videos that cover this topic. However, if this isn’t the case, it could be a sign that one has just spent a certain amount of time around people who are positive.

The Key

During this time, they have been told that being ‘positive’ is the key to having a successful life. There is then no time for them to be ‘negative’, and this means that they will need to do everything they can to keep all ‘negativity’ at bay.

One of the primary ways this is likely to take place is through ‘thinking positive’, and they may even use affirmations. They will need to focus on the ‘good’ things and to avoid anything that will cause them to feel ‘bad’.

The Right People

Along with this, one may also be told they need to spend their time around people who are the same, and this means they will need to limit the amount of time that they spend with people who are ‘negative’. Or if this is not the case, they may be told that they need to walk away from people who are not ‘positive’.

This is because spending time with people who are ‘negative’ is going to have an effect on their ability to be ‘positive’. It will then be a lot easier for them to feel good if they are around people who also feel good.

The Effect

Through being positive, one may come to believe that not only will their inner experience change, but that their outer experience will also change. On one hand then, they will feel better, and on the other hand, they will have experiences that are more fulfilling.

It could be said that it is normal for someone to be drawn to being positive all the time; and this is because it is human nature to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. Therefore, if one’s life is not going in the right direction (or even if they want to change one area), it might not be hard to convince them that being positive all the time is the answer to their problems.

Vulnerable

When one needs some kind of assistance, they can be in a desperate position. This can then make it harder for them to think clearly, and this means they can end up being drawn to things that are not in their best interests.

Also, when information is presented by someone who comes across as an authority figure, it can be harder to read between the lines, so to speak. The information can then go straight into one’s mind, and they might not even take the time to reflect on what they are being told.

In The Beginning

If one was to take control of their mind and did everything they could to be positive, they may find that it doesn’t take long until their life starts to improve. What used to bother them might not bother them anymore, and the people around them might also notice the difference.

As a result of this, the positive feedback that they receive from others can make them feel even better. And through seeing the ‘good’ in every situation, they might find that it is easier for them to progress.

Out of Balance

However, while being positive all the time can sound like a good way to experience life, it is not very practical; this is because life is not always ‘good’. This is not to say that one should always be negative either; what it comes down to is having the ability to face reality.

When this happens, one is going to have the ability to be with their inner experience as opposed to being attached to experiencing life in a certain way. It is then going to be possible for them to accept what is taking place.

Resistance

This doesn’t mean that one has to settle for how their life is; what it means is that they won’t be coming for a place of resistance. And the only way for one to be positive all the time will be for them to deny reality.

Their reason for wanting to be positive all the tine will be to experience life differently, but all the time they do this, they will be avoiding what is actually taking place. This will then crate resistance, and the more one resists something, the harder it will be for them to change it.

Feedback

When one can acknowledge how they feel, they are not going to be creating resistance; it can be easier for them to experience the life that they want to experience. All that is ‘negative’ can then be seen as feedback instead of something they need to run away from.

For instance, if one’s car was making a noise, they wouldn’t just turn their music up louder; they would take it to a garage. If they just listened to the noise and didn’t do anything about it that would be the same as getting stuck in ‘negativity’.

The Conscious Approach

By embracing what it taking place and not avoiding it, they will be able to facing reality. As a result of this, they won’t need to disconnect from their feelings and they won’t need to lose the ability to empathise with others.

This is because if one always needs to be ‘positive’, it is not going to be possible for them to put themselves in another person’s shoes. If they were to do this, it is going to cause them to be ‘negative’.

Guilty

Yet, if one has been learning about how important it is to be ‘positive’ all the time, it can be hard for them to embrace what is classed as ‘negative’. Not only can they believe that their life will get worse if they do, they can also end up feeling guilty.

It is then not going to be possible for them to face reality; if they were to do this, they are going to feel as though they are doing something wrong. Therefore, this can end up being another way for one to punish themselves.

Awareness

If one finds it hard to tolerate ‘negativity’, it could be a sign that they need to develop the ability to observe their inner processes and to regulate their emotions. When one can do this, they won’t always need to avoid what is taking place within them.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.