Ever had an opinion about something, or someone, and you felt it in your entire body that your opinion was based on solid facts and therefore the only right opinion? (Read: believe system) Every vessel in your body is telling you that you are so right about this!
The only resolution at that point with people who see it differently is that you agree to disagree :)
Ever notice how this can lead to endless and frustrating discussions? They just drain your energy and it completely messes with your mood!
The battle of beliefs
Some think that heated arguments really serve no purpose. But “weirdly” enough, on a deeper level, they do! An argument often hides conflicts on a deeper level. Some arguments (beliefs) in such heated discussions ‘trigger’ subconscious data that is loaded with negative physiology. It is this physiology that creates powerful, but rigid beliefs and can make you very upset when someone tries to convince you otherwise.
You are convinced that the other person has to understand what you’re saying and your arguments and beliefs will support that, even if it means that you have to yell at them. They need to understand and that’s what it is! Bring it on. :)
Basically you out-voice yourself because deep, deep down you know that your beliefs are not as solid-based as you would like to think.
Just compare it to those other moments in which you had an opinion and explained it to someone that disagreed with you, but without any intensity, no yelling and in total calmness. Whatever the other beliefs were, nothing and nobody could take you out of balance, regardless of how intense they trying to undermine your opinion. You respect their way of thinking but are 100% sure that they are wrong.
Tame the triggers!
But if there is an exchange of emotional outbursts with name calling, yelling, crying, slamming of doors and pointing, be assured that bad clusters are active and the root cause of this unhealthy and disruptive behavior.
No matter what you say, at the end, you’re left drained and usually, still angry and frustrated! Why? Because what you ultimately want is for the other person to take on your point of view. If they don’t do that, you are left with that nagging, energy draining feeling in your body. To suppress the content of your activated bad clusters, you need their confirmation that your beliefs are correct. If they keep disagreeing with you these discussions can even create feelings of personal rejection and affect your self-worth negatively.
Some people feel so strongly about their ‘point’ that they don’t talk to others for years.
But even if someone steps up and apologizes; even if there is some sort of resolution or ‘cool down’, do you really ever get over what angered you initially?
You will be totally surprised to discover that in most cases, the real subconscious cause of your anger and frustration has nothing to do with the content of the argument but everything to do with things like facial expressions, word choice, body movement, colors, sounds, etc. that were present during such an argument. These basic ingredients can activate subconscious comparison material that is loaded with powerfully negative feelings. You project these feelings in your body onto the person or subject of the discussion and you create frustrated beliefs that do not serve you or the other person. Seeing that person the next time will activate all these negative feelings again. That’s why you can’t get over it and sometimes have the argument over and over.
With the tools I can provide, you’ll be able to put a permanent stop to these frustrating conversations. So that’s a good thing, don’t you think? :)
Redefine Relationships
You can begin repairing relationships with the people you care about by separating the triggers from the person. You can’t change the person BUT you can change how you respond to those particular triggers that upset you.
I’ve shared where those triggers come from in past blogs and if you interested in learning more about how to trace those triggers to their exact origin read this blog.
There are some relationships that will not be good for YOU even if you iron out all the triggers. But once you resolved the bad cluster, you’ll be able to make well-informed decisions and have discussions without any fear or frustration.
You will become a much more balanced person but if it remains a toxic relationship, you’ll decide whether or not that relationship is worth it.
None of this means that you won’t have disagreements or misunderstandings but the purpose will shift to one in which you are trying to find a resolution.
It’s about honesty and it all starts with being honest- about and to yourself! When you and the other person find the subconscious cause of why you’re upset and if you’re willing to adjust it in an effective way, it will create a whole different level of understanding- of yourself AND the other person.
Begin experiencing happier relationships and friendships today!
Progressive Mental Alignment is a self-help institute focused on the language rules of the brain to map its impact on every single aspect of life.