Dear Dr. Romance:
I heard you on "How to Stay Happily Married" podcast. I am getting married in June to someone I know for 3 years and lived with. He is now deployed in the Army and has been since last May. This is my 3rd marriage and I feel like my eyes are wide open now and I know what I want. I was very excited in December when he came home and we got engaged. Now I have lost the umph for even planning the wedding. I just feel very undecided now. Can u help me ? I am very, very happy though with myself. I have experienced self discovery at age 40 and now I am so very happy. I guess I wonder if I will still be this happy when I get married because I was not here psychologically when he was here.
Dear Reader:
Everyone has doubts before marriage, and especially with such a long distance relationship. The Commuter Marriage gives you specific help with long distance and military relationships.
I'm so glad you have discovered yourself. I can guarantee you that your marriage will not be perfect, and it will take work. That is true of all marriages. But, if you and your fiance' can talk openly, work out problems together, and come to mutually agreeable decisions, you'll be fine.
Both of you have gone through a lot of change and growth this year. That's one of the benefits of being separated. You need to talk about that, and find out how he's changed, too. During the course of a long, happy marriage there will be many changes, also. Today you are creating patterns you will likely follow for many years. Learn to handle change and you'll be fine.
Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage will help you decide whether you and your partner are ready for marriage, and reading it will encourage you and get your energy back up for planning the wedding.
I have been married to a wonderful partner for more than 30 years, so I know that marriage is well worth what it takes to make it work. I wish you both all the best of luck, success and happiness.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.