Divorce is never an easy process, and it becomes even more difficult when there are children involved. Here are five steps you and your soon-to-be ex need to take so your children go through the experience with as little trauma as possible.
Keep the conflict away from your children
You and your soon-to-be-ex must agree to be civil when they are around. Do not expose them to sarcasm, shouting matches, or angry silence. Make a pact not to speak ill of each other, because this will encourage children to pick sides and damage their relationship with both of you.
Come up with a transition plan and tell your children about it
You and your soon-to-be ex need to plan how you will navigate through the changes in your new life. Are you moving to a new place? When will this happen? How often will the children see each parent? Once your plans are set, you should tell your children about it together.
Assure them that you love them and the divorce is not their fault
Children need to know that you are not divorcing because they did something wrong. They need to be reassured that both of you still love them. Providing this affirmation is difficult when you are reeling from the death of a relationship, but children need to hear these words. One of the things you can do is to write each child a note telling him or her that your love remains unchanged.
Create some happy times for them
Creating happy times for your children can be super difficult for you at this time, but it will help them transition more painlessly. An afternoon playing games, an hour or two at the park, or a date for pizza – these simple times together can help provide equilibrium in their lives.
Get a good divorce attorney
Instead of fighting bitterly with your soon-to-be ex, get a good divorce attorney who will protect your children’s rights and yours. Make a list of your concerns in terms of custody, child support, alimony, distribution of properties, and debts. Discuss everything with your attorney and take down notes during the meeting. Your best bet would be a firm that specializes in divorce, like Blumenauer Hackworth, that understands how important it is to guard your interests and the interests of your children.
As you go through your divorce, it is important that you are good to yourself. Give yourself a treat whenever you can and talk to someone when you need to. Tell yourself daily that there will be better days ahead for yourself and your children.
Rachelle Wilber is a freelance writer living in the San Diego, California area. She graduated from San Diego State University with her Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and Media Studies. She tries to find an interest in all topics and themes, which prompts her writing. When she isn't on her porch writing in the sun, you can find her shopping, at the beach, or at the gym. Follow her on twitter: @RachelleWilber