Adoption is often a complex, emotionally-charged experience for some or all of the parties involved. It can be a bewildering, uncertain time, particularly for the birth mother, who is probably wrestling with feelings of what to do, and questioning whether the right decisions are being made.
Even though sometimes having too many alternatives runs the risk of adding another layer of complexity (so many choices, which to take?) there is one option that really needs to be brought to light, and that's the idea of open adoptions.
Adoption can be a difficult choice, but the end result is worth it!
Closed Versus Open Adoptions
For years, closed adoptions were the norm. But these days, with so much information available from even the most casual record searches, an increasing number of adoptees have embarked on searches for their biological parents. As a result, open adoptions have increased.
A closed adoption is one where the parents' information is sealed and unavailable for the adoptee. That's pretty straightforward, though naturally it means that any adoptee seeking clues as to their origins and history are at a dead-end. This is also known as a confidential adoption.
Whereas in an open adoption, the birth mother, the adopters, and the adoptee are aware of each other, and have established a mutually agreed-upon level of communication and interaction between some or all of the parties. Bottom line, both sets of parents know each other's names, and often times mutual contact information.
Open Adoption Examples
A birth mother could meet with the adoptive parents and child on a regular basis, with or without a third party moderating, for instance ...
Or the birth mother could correspond strictly via email or phone calls/Skyping on a frequency agreed upon ahead of time ...
An open adoption could be as limited as simply exchanging photos and letters every so often, with no verbal communication at all ...
There could even be visits where the biological mom, the adopting parents, and the child actually get together on a regular basis for a family outing.
But the main takeaway from the above examples is that there are a vast number of possible options and choices available. There is no such thing as a standard open adoption, and they can vary as much as the personalities of everyone involved.
What About The Birth Father?
Some of the matters of father's rights depends on the marital status of the parents. The legal father is the man that the birth mother is married to, whereas the putative father is the biological father of the child born out of wedlock. Although this subject could fill its very own blog entry, suffice to say that the unmarried father has fewer rights (and consequently less of a say) when it comes to adoption choices and options.
How Will An Open Option Affect The Family?
Again, there is no one set answer, since every family is different. A lot of it depends on the circumstances of the adoption, or the relationship between the biological mother and the child. For instance, a child may not want to know about his or her biological mom, or vice versa. Some people prefer a clean break and not looking back.
And yet an open adoption can also do wonders for the peace of mind of the adoptee, should they want to explore their past.
In an open adoption, an adopted mother may feel like they are being infringed upon, with less of a sense of parental entitlement, since the birth mother exists and is in the child's life as well. Conversely, there's always the concern that a birth mother wants the best of both worlds: having someone else care for the child yet have frequent visitation rights.
Even worse, a biological mom, after having a few visits, may want to increase her role in the child's upbringing, and expecting that her opinions and ideas would be followed because she's the one who gave birth.
Proceed With Caution
This is why all parties need to agree, ahead of time, on what kind of adoption it's going to be, and what the parameters are. The terms need to be hammered out in an open adoption contact agreement, or as the article "Is Open Adoption Right For Me? What Open Adoption Looks Like In Real Life" puts it, an adoption plan.
There are many children out there who need the stability and comfort of dedicated parents. Anything which can make the process smoother and happier for all parties involved is something worth considering.
For more insights into adoption, why not check out "Advice On Adoption From A Family Law Firm"?
John Terra has been a freelance writer since 1985. He writes about everything from running 5K's to family issues.