COMMUNICATING AND ESTABLISHING A CONNECTION INSTANTLY
by Barbara J. Stepp, Premier Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, No Fault Psychology™, NLP, DHE® Master Trainer
WHEN WE MEET someone our first impression is critical. It doesn’t matter what the situation. It has probably happened to us all that we met a person and instantly didn’t click. You can prevent that if you choose. It isn’t just about rapport. It is about taking the initiative with our communicating and establishing a connection instantly…we’re taking seconds here. Look at it as an important part of all our communication.
For now, let’s use the situation of sales.
I’VE HEARD PEOPLE SAY, "I'm not a salesman, I don't sell anything." Surprise! We are all selling all the time. Whether it is a product, an idea, belief, ourselves, etc. Whatever you are selling, here are a few tips: When you meet a person, take the initiative to say hello. For example, “Hello, I'm Barbara and you are….?” Repeat their name as close to how they say it as possible. Make a sincere effort to say it with same intonation as they do. Why? Because one of the, if not the most powerful of the anchors we have is our name.
AVOID REPEATING THEIR NAME with every sentence you speak….so annoying. That’s overkill. Some sales trainings teach that old concept and it doesn’t work with most people.
YOU CAN ALSO listen/watch how they say hello and match a behavior; or as Dr. David Dobson said, "Respectfully acknowledge a piece of their behavior, and then acknowledge their acknowledgement." You will notice with a little practice how easily you connect with others. This is Other than Conscious Communication™. Most of the time, their response will be that their Other than Conscious mind or unconscious mind says, "ah, a friendly." The words are conscious, everything else is unconscious or Other than Conscious.
AS I ENTERED THE restaurant and caught the attention of the lady who was to be our server. I smiled and nodded. She smiled and raised her eyebrows. I smiled and raised my eyebrows. Our group got very attentive service, as she repeatedly returned to our table and finally with a complimentary bottle of wine. Always remember to remember their name and address them in that way.
WHEN MEETING SOMEONE for the first time, you can say hello to them and then acknowledge their hello. Dave Dobson, PhD, who invented the OTC Hello™ called communicating a dance. He often said, “Dance? I’d love to.” You can come from a place of wanting to know the person, looking for similarities and rapport can naturally occur.
I’VE DISCOVERED THAT it is very valuable when seeing a client/coachee for the first time. It’s a way of making them feel at ease instantly. Simply tilting your head the way they do is very powerful. You make a connection and put them at ease. Really, that’s all it takes; go ahead and experiment. I’d love to hear about your simple communication experience.
IT IS JUST AS EASY to calibrate their yes and no. Listen to not only what they say (conscious), but how they say it, notice their eyes, facial expressions, gestures and recognize the repetitive unconscious patterns. Simply be aware. Remember, rapport it not about being nice, it’s about being the same and being congruent. Remember, language is conscious, the rest is Other than Conscious. This simple skill opens the door to influence. It establishes trust. Be genuine. Sincerity works.
"PEOPLE ASK ME what I do for a living and I tell them I’m a dehypnotist. After all, each and every one of you has done a beautiful job of hypnotizing yourselves into what it is you believe you believe and oftentimes many of you live down to your expectations of yourself....the mind is purposeful, not rational...a dehypnotist’s job is to show you how to interrupt those self- limiting beliefs, outgrow your automatic pre conscious default mental schemas and remember to remember how to enjoy the joy of living again...like you did when you were a kid...or are you too old now to learn something new?"
David Dobson, PhD
Want to learn more? On May 27-31, I’m doing our Dave Dobson OTCC™ Fun Shop™ and Simply Hypnosis ™ course, 2 Seminars for the price of 1! excelquest.com
Barbara J. Stepp had been a premier coach for over 40 years.
She is a published author, who has assisted hundreds upon hundreds realize their dreams. She comes highly recommended by many, including Dr. Richard Bandler,co-creator of NLP and creator of DHE. She continues her work today in Chicago.