Kate Walker Raidt is an author, speaker and successful entrepreneur. She has been a top producer in direct sales and an inspirational speaker to sales organizations for almost two decades. Kate sold educational books and software door-to-door for the Southwestern Company for ten summers – one of the longest and most successful sales careers in the company’s 150 year history. Kate later joined Southwestern’s sister company, Family Heritage, and built a top sales organization sold supplemental insurance business-to-business for six years.
Due to Kate’s reading disability as a child, she did not find a love for books until her 30’s. She is founder of FatNoggin.com – an online community which helps people build a personal library of self-improvement books and support groups. Kate is an advocate of self-improvement through good books and support.
Kate is also an award-winning singer/songwriter who has sold CDs in over 27 countries, was nominated for an American Music Award, winner of five Austin Music Awards and winner of two international songwriting awards. Kate has also completed the Los Angeles marathon and was a member of the two-time winning Texas State Cup Soccer Championship.
Kate lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and two children.
Parenting - The 10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make
1. Not Enough Time and Attention
How many hours each day do you spend in direct communication or
activity with your children? How many hours each day do your children
spend with a caregiver other than their mother or father? The problem
with mothers and fathers in high-dollar careers is that those careers
demand 40 to 80 hours a week of the parents’ time—which is 40 to 80
hours a week their children don’t receive time and attention from Mom
and Dad.
When Nadya Suleman, a.k.a. The Octomom, gave birth to octuplets, the
media threw her under the bus after finding out that she was a single
mother already raising six other children. Society screamed, “How will
this woman give proper attention to 14 children all by herself?” The
answer is: She can’t. And neither can a day care center. The average
day care center ratio is one adult to 12 children. The Octomom’s ratio
is one to 14. Not much of a difference. If your child spends more than
six hours a day, five days a week in a day care center, then she is not
receiving the essential direct communication from an adult that’s
needed for her to develop into a confident, well-adjusted adult.
After you’ve spent eight to twelve hours at work, how much energy and
patience do you have left for your kids? Not much, right? By working
fewer hours, you’ll not only provide your children with more one-on-one
time, you’ll also have more energy to invest in them when you spend
time with them. It’s a lose-lose situation when you work all day and
your children are with a caregiver all day. But it’s a win-win
situation when you can spend more quality time with your family.
2. Not Enough Sleep
According to The National Sleep
Foundation (SleepFoundation.org), research suggests that most healthy
adults need seven to nine hours of sleep each night. Children and
adolescents need even more. The following is a breakdown of the
recommended number of hours of sleep people need by age (* including
naps):
INFANTS
(0 to 2 months): ................10.5 to 18 hours*
(2-12 months): ...........................14 to 15 hours*
TODDLERS/CHILDREN
(12-18 months): ........................13 to 15 hours*
(18 months-3 years): ...............12 to 14 hours*
(3-5 years): ..................................11 to 13 hours*
(5-12 years): ....................................9 to 11 hours
ADOLESCENTS 8.5 to 9.5 hours
ADULTS 7 to 9 hours
Exercise:
What time do your children go to sleep?
What time do they wake up?
How many hours of sleep do they receive each day? ______________
According to the chart above, do your children get an adequate amount of sleep? ______________
3. Poor Nutrition
According to The American Obesity Association, 127 million adults in
the U.S. are overweight; 60 million are obese and nine million are
severely obese. So basically 200 million of the 300 million people in
America are overweight! Well, that’s no surprise, considering what we
eat and feed our kids.
Not long ago, a mother told me, “I never give my kids sodas. I give
them Sprite.” Since when was Sprite not a soda? Just because it’s clear
and “caffeine free,” it’s still a soda and it’s not healthy. It’s not
the caffeine in drinks that make them so terrible for children—it’s the
chemicals and sugar. Same goes for fruit juice and sports drinks. Read
the labels. You’ll be astounded by the amount of sugar in these drinks.
If you see a child who’s unruly, emotional or disrespectful, look at
what the child had to eat or drink that day. I can guarantee he or she
consumed something with sugar.
A few years ago, my daughter attended a school that boasted a National
Early Childhood Accreditation. We paid $1,000 a month for her to
attend—part time! Yes, the education was excellent, but the food they
served the children was atrocious. They served sugar-coated cereal or
pancakes with syrup for breakfast, applesauce with added sugar for a
snack, fried steak fingers for lunch and cookies or crackers for the
afternoon snack. First, can you imagine trying to maintain order with
12 toddlers who had just passed a bowl of sugar through their little
bodies at eight o’clock in the morning? No wonder there is such high
teacher turnover at pre-schools! I sat down with the school director
and said, “It wouldn’t cost the school a penny to make healthier
choices in your food program. Why not serve bran cereal instead of
Frosted Flakes? Why not serve natural applesauce instead of sugar-added
applesauce? What about serving carrots for snacks instead of cookies
and crackers?”
Do you want to take a guess at the answer I received from the school
director? The director said, “The problem is that the kids won’t eat
the healthier food. They’re so used to eating sugar-laden food at home,
that they won’t eat healthy food if we serve it—and then we have hungry
children on our hands.” See, this health epidemic we face is a
revolving door. Parents feed their kids terrible food. Then the schools
feel they must feed the students terrible food to keep up with what the
parents are feeding the children at home.
I cannot stress this more: everyone must stop feeding children
terrible, sugary, fried, non-nutritious food! And the schools have to
step up to the plate and say to parents, “Mrs. Jones, we strive to
serve only nutritious food here. Johnny isn’t eating much during the
day because he is not accustomed to eating vegetables and cereal
without sugar. In order for him to eat well here at school, we ask that
you start using healthy food at home. Can you work with us on this?”
Society preaches about being concerned over childhood obesity rates in
America, but the restaurant industry has done little to help combat the
problem. What are the typical foods found on the kid’s menu? Hamburger
and French fries, corn dog and fries, chicken nuggets and fries—and all
the kid’s meals come with a soft drink! Attention restaurant owners:
What about offering fish and veggies with water for kids? What about
grilled chicken with fruit?
Proper health and nutrition starts in the home. Your children model
what you eat. Do you want your children to grow up and have to face
heart disease, cancer or diabetes? Just because other parents hand
their children sodas, Gatorade, candy, ice cream, fries and chicken
nuggets, does not mean it is acceptable.
What do your children eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? What do they
eat for snacks? What do they drink? Do any of these foods and drinks
contain sugar? If you want to see drastic changes in your child’s
behavior and foster a lifetime of good health, it is extremely
important to eliminate all sugar and fatty foods from your child’s
diet.
4. Lack of Positive Affirmations
How often do you tell your
children, “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” or “You are so smart”? Many
parents make the mistake of thinking, “My kids know I love them. I
don’t have to tell them that.” Folks, your children absolutely need to
hear you say, “I love you.” When I was a child, my parents never told
me they loved me, and I cannot describe the pain that brought me. Your
children need to feel loved by your actions and your words. Even if
your child has behavior problems, find a reason to praise him—daily.
His lack of positive reinforcement just might be the reason for his
misbehavior.
5. Lack of Positive Discipline
Were you spanked as a child?
How did it make you feel? Scared? Hurt? Angry? Resentful? Do you spank
your children? Why? Because they have behaved inappropriately? Have you
ever seen an adult behave inappropriately? A colleague who lied to a
customer, a boss who raised his voice, a rude customer at a store? What
would happen to you if you hit, smacked, grabbed or yelled at an adult
because he acted inappropriately? If you were at work, you would get
fired. If you were in public, someone would call the police on you and
you’d face possible criminal charges.
Folks, spanking is hitting. If you spank your child, then you are
hitting your child. I don’t know where or how in our society it became
unacceptable for an adult to hit another adult, but completely
acceptable for an adult to hit a child.
Dr. Patricia Nan Anderson, author of Parenting: A Field Guide says, “No
matter who tells you it’s okay…it is never okay to hit a child.”
When a parent spanks, it is simply because that parent has lost
emotional control. There are dozens of alternatives to spanking. I know
they work because I use them. When my daughter is unruly, she either
goes to time out, loses television privileges or loses time with
playmates. And when my blood is boiling and I’m about to lose control
of my emotions—I simply walk away. I have learned that many times my
daughter throws a temper tantrum simply to get my attention. If I walk
away, she has an utter meltdown for a few minutes, but then it’s over.
She loses the fight because I didn’t cater to her tantrum, and I won
because I walked away and didn’t engage in her behavior.
Dr. Jennifer Helmcamp, our local pediatrician, said her office
frequently offers parenting workshops and seminars. She said, “Most of
the parents are either too authoritative and aggressive with their
children or too permissive in their parenting.” When I asked her what
percentage of parents “get it right” by using positive discipline, Dr.
Helmcamp said “maybe ten percent.”
If you feel you might be part of the 90 percent who are either too
authoritative or too permissive with your children—don’t worry. There
are dozens of fantastic books available through FatNoggin.com to help
coach you to successful parenting. The only way I have become a
successful parent is through good books and resources. I definitely was
not born a naturally good parent. It has taken a lot of hard work and
education.
A few books I recommend:
? Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
? Raising Good Children by Dr. Thomas Lickona
? Supernanny: How To Get the Best From Your Children by Jo Frost
? How To Father A Successful Daughter by Nicky Marone
6. No College Fund
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is not managing their money
responsibly, living beyond their means, living in credit card debt and
not planning for the future. One parent I met recently said she did not
have a college fund set up for her children and said, “My daughter is
very bright. I’m sure she will get scholarships so we won’t have to pay
for her college tuition.”
First, her daughter is only five years old. How in the world can she
assess at this young age how her daughter will do academically? Second,
it isn’t fair to put the burden on your children to pay for school. It
is your responsibility as a parent to pay for school. A child should
have the opportunity to attend college, regardless of scholarships. For
parents who say, “I can’t afford a college fund”—well, my college fund
each month costs me less than my cable bill! So, if you can afford
cable, you can afford to have a college fund for your children!
As you read in the previous chapter, it is also essential that parents
show their children how to live responsibly with money by living below
your means and living debt-free.
7. Lack of Follow-Through
I wish I had a dollar for every
time I saw a parent say, “Johnny, if you hit your sister again, we are
going home.” Then of course, Johnny hits his sister again, but the
parent does not follow through with her words and take the child home.
Children are exceptionally smart. It takes you caving in only one time
for Johnny to say to himself, “Ah ha, I won.” If you threaten your
child with, “If you do that again, there will be no dessert after
dinner” you must always follow through—or don’t make a threat you can’t
(or won’t) follow through on. Also, it is important that the punishment
fits the crime. Is it really fair or practical to say, “If you don’t
clean your room, then I’m going to cancel our trip to Disneyland”? Are
you really going to cancel a trip to Disneyland? Of course not. Your
threats must be practical; they must fit the crime, and you must always
follow through. Dr. Helmcamp says, “Parents need to realize that they
do not do their children any favors by being permissive. It is
essential that children are raised with discipline, structure and
boundaries.”
8. Peers
Who do your children associate with? Do you know
them? Have you met their parents? What do their parents value? Do they
correlate with your values? Up to a certain age, parents are the most
influential people in a child’s life. Then come peers. A day will come
when your children’s peers have a greater influence on the decisions
they make (and usually it’s the bad decisions) than you do. So know
your children’s peers. Know them well. Know their parents. Know them
well. If their morals and values do not mesh with yours, it’s time to
find Bobby some new friends.
9. Not Making Marriage Your #1 Priority
Before I had
children, I’d always heard the phrase, “children come first.” Then I
started reading books about marriage and a common theme emerged:
“Marriage comes first.” So which is it? The kids or you? As selfish as
this might sound, you and the well-being of your marriage must be a
priority. Why? If Mom and Dad aren’t happy, the kids aren’t happy. If
Mom and Dad don’t show love and affection toward each other, then
neither will the kids. If Mom and Dad aren’t mentally and physically
fit, then the kids won’t be either. Success starts at the top. If you
want to have a successful family, then Mom and Dad must be successful
in love, marriage, respect and friendship.
Haven’t you heard a woman say, “My husband and I were madly in love
when we got married. Then we had children, focused one-hundred percent
on the kids, and then my husband and I drifted apart”?
When was the last time you had a “date night” with your spouse
(translation: a night alone without the kids)? If you want to maintain
a happy, healthy and well-connected marriage, it is critical for you to
have a date night with your spouse at least once a month (twice a month
is ideal). Your dates do not have to be expensive. First, to avoid
paying a babysitter, find a family in your area with similar-age
children and do date night swaps: You babysit their children while they
have a date night, then they babysit your kids while you have a date
night. It’s free! Since my friend Tasha and I started babysitting
swaps, I have not paid for a babysitter in two years!
I recommend you choose an activity that creates communication and
bonding between you and your partner. Don’t sit in a dark movie theater
for two hours. Go play putt-putt golf, go on a picnic, go bicycle
riding, enjoy a quiet, romantic dinner together, see a stand-up comic,
etc. In a nutshell, do something fun or romantic that will bring back
memories of why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.
Re-connect. Tell old stories. Laugh.
When I get agitated with my husband, the first question I ask myself
is, “When was the last time we had a date night?” The answer is always,
“Far too long ago.”
10. Lack of Spiritual Foundation
A big mistake people in
general (especially parents) make is trying to solve their problems
alone. Have you ever been in a rut and couldn’t seem to find the right
answers or positive support? For the first 30 years of my life, I tried
to solve my own problems and make decisions based on what Kate thought
was right. Then I gave all my power to God. When I needed to make a
decision as a parent and entrepreneur, I asked, “What would Jesus do?”
instead of, “What would Kate do?” Soon I realized I was making much
wiser decisions. Parents who communicate daily with God and use Him as
their lifeline, support and mentor walk through life with a warmer
heart, a peaceful soul and a greater moral compass.
Children raised in a church or spiritual environment generally have a
smaller chance of getting involved in drugs, alcohol and teenage
pregnancy. On the flip side, Christian parents need to realize that
raising children in a church-going home doesn’t mean you don’t have to
discipline and set boundaries. God won’t send your kids to “time out”
or take away the computer—you will. I have seen many church-going
families where the parents are kind and lovely people, but when it
comes to disciplining their children, they are very passive—and their
kids are little terrors. God should be the moral compass for your
family to follow, but it’s up to Mom and Dad to follow through with
discipline, rules, respect and boundaries.
Who is your family’s mentor? What are you teaching your children about
God? Do your daily actions show your children that you’ve given your
life to a Higher Power?
Kate Raidt is author of “The Million-Dollar Parent” and founder of
FatNoggin.com – one of the world’s largest online catalogs of
discounted books. Kate’s book and 2 million others can be found at
FatNoggin.com
http://www.TheMillionDollarParent.com
http://www.FatNoggin.com
Kate Raidt’s blog: http://kateraidt.wordpress.com/
Kate Raidt / CEO and President
Kate@FatNoggin.com
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