When we live with someone we have to share many things from food to bed. In couples, usually arguments arise due to having a contradictory point of view about one object. Do you want to know what is the real truth about your partner with respect to love, sex and intimacy? Are you aware of your partner’s true nature? Have you ever experienced your partner reacted differently somewhere beyond your expectations? If yes, then it is a case of contradictory preferences. Consider the following statements for a while:

In normal circumstances, I would love to take you, but today I am more interested to go to university to see my friend.

In normal circumstances, I would love to go to university to see my friend, but today I want to see my favorite movie last show in the cinema.

In normal circumstances, I would love to go to the cinema to see that movie, but today I will have to arrange a job for my best friend.

In normal circumstances, I would love to arrange a job for my best friend, but today my commitment with my son is more important.

In normal circumstances, I would take my son to the park, but today I have to go for shopping first.

In normal circumstances, I would go for the shopping first, but today I have to write a blog on my website.

In normal circumstances, I would write a blog on my website, but today I am having a dinner outside.

In the above example, in each event, the preference is changed. The most preferred thing is our true nature that we just cannot postpone at any cost. We can also check our partners' preferences in different circumstances and finally evaluate which is his/her true preference.

We, for most of the time, think we know ourselves better, but it is not true. Whenever we have better options, we go for that. Whenever we have ailments and troubles, we leave our present state of preferences and think that health is our first priority. So we always compare our likes and dislikes with respect to their value that we assign. In other words, we would change our preferences if we have more alternatives. Therefore, preferences themselves are nothing; they should always be considered with respect to alternatives. For example: you have two choices available to choose from: red color or black color. You are bound to prefer one; otherwise your choice would have been different.

Some would argue in this regard that their preferences never change. In reality their likes and dislikes never change. Our behavior in terms of our actions is always based on our preferences. What we choose, we go for it, and that is our priority, likeness and selection at that time. Our

preferences reflect our true nature. Others preferences reflect their true nature. Your preferences reflect your true nature. Yes, the preferences keep on changing, but they describe what you are - not you.

You cannot separate your preferences from time boundaries as well. Alternatives change with the time - so too preferences. Today you prefer Honda car and tomorrow you will be going to Toyota. Today you are having HP laptop and tomorrow you would prefer Toshiba. Thus, your preferences are strictly associated with the alternatives available at some specific time. Analyze them fully and your partner's to some extent and cool down. Your half of the problems must be resolved at this point. The rest ones should not take long if they are based on preferential contradictions.

In the last, if you want to read more about it, then please have a look on my ebook titled,'preferential psychology'- it will help you in finding out your true preferences and solutions to your contradictory preferences.
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Author's Bio: 

Mona Aeysha, PhD, is an Educational and Developmental Psychologist, have been working as a Teacher, Counselor and Researcher in several institutes of China, Pakistan and Cambodia. Her major areas of interest are: self-esteem, self-concept, conceptual psychology, belief psychology, self psychology, preferential psychology, cultural psychology and women psychology.
You are always welcome to contact her via email if you have any query in this regard.
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Dr Mona