Wife Threatens Divorce Every Argument: My Wife Threatens To Leave Me And Go To Her Parents House Whenever We Have Arguments

I am now the father of two married sons.

Until last week, I was the father of one married son and one engaged son. Last weekend, the elder Marcus and his fiancée exchanged vows at a lovely ceremony filled with joy, laughter and happy tears (most of which were mine). Toasts were made. Shouts of "mazel tov" rang from the ceiling. Well wishes were abundant. I'm sure they're going to do really well.

However, that's not the case for so many. As I learned many years ago,

"Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Of those that remain, 90 percent end in boredom. If you want to be the five percent that stay happy, it's going to take some work."

To that end, I've looked back on over two decades of being in a happy, supportive marriage with my lovely, talented, creative (very patient) wife and I pass along my own take on how to stay married - and happy - over the long term.

Rule #1: Love your partner for who she is today, not whom you think you can make her into "down the road."

Assume she is as good a partner as she'll ever be RIGHT NOW. Don't believe that living together will make her "come around" to your thinking. If she has what you consider annoying traits, don't make the blunder of thinking how you'll change them after you're married. Accept her as she is; not who you'll think she'll be. If she's not who you desire now, she sure as heck won't be later.

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Rule #2: Realize that there are three - not two - entities in your relationship.

There's "you" and "me" of course. But there's also "us." Each needs nurturing and support. I need stretches to just be "me." You need periods to just be "you." And we must carve out time to be "us." Friction is often the result of one or more of the three being overlooked. It goes without saying that if we don't spend time as a couple, why stays together? Yet, conversely, we can't do everything as a pair no matter how close we are. Take time apart. Look forward to being together. Enjoy both.

Rule #3: Given the choice between being "right" or being "happy," choose the latter.

The vast majority of disagreements begin as trivial differences: "Why don't you make the bed more often?" "Could you please pick up your clothes?" "Why do I always have to do the dusting?" Slow down long enough to ask yourself, "Is this really worth a disagreement?" If it is, talk it out with respect - and the understanding that there's probably "right" on both sides. If it's not worth a fight - and most things aren't (or you're in the wrong relationship) - let it go. Honor the request. Smile while you do it.

Rule #4: Don't keep score.

If you find yourself saying, "I've told you a thousand times... " it doesn't mean they're not listening. It means you're not communicating. My ex used to say; "I want it on the record that I cleaned the bathroom the last three times."

"Duly noted," I replied, feeling like it was being tallied on my "permanent record" like we all supposedly had in elementary school. Instead of making virtual tick marks about who's doing what, ask directly for what you need. If you get what you want, say "thank you." If not, see Rule #3.

Rule #5: Understand that the look and feel of the relationship will change.

Passion ebbs and flows but love and respect only deepen. Having said that, bring home flowers; schedule date nights; surprise him with gifts; hold hands in public; hug often. Tell her how proud and how much in love you are with her. Tell her you'd do it all over again. Find new ways to do all of the above.

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The mystery of the enigmatic female mind, the beauty of the female form, the joy men derive from being in their presence, why is it so difficult to figure out how to love a woman for all that she is?

Men take heed, if you don't find a way to love your woman completely as she is, she will eventually find someone else that will. To love a woman is far less mysterious than it is often made out to be. They are individuals with individual needs and desires but there are fundamental certainties in women to understand.

First and foremost a woman needs to be loved for who she is. It would be unreasonable to enter a relationship with the expectation that you are going to fundamentally change who she is. She is the sum total of a lifetime of experiences, achievements and personal endeavors. She is the person you were attracted to in the first place. Emphasize all that you saw in her in the beginning and appreciate her as she is. Exercise unconditional acceptance and love her completely.

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Honor her in all that you say and do. If you are inattentive, rude or indifferent how will she respond to you? Subtle shifts along the way may change the course of your life together. Speak kindly to her and honor her individuality. When in the company of others be certain to be complimentary of her. Regardless if she is by your side or not always honor her around others. She will most certainly hear your praises if even second hand through others.

Take time for her. Women need to feel connected to their partner. They wish to feel safe and loved by their chosen one. Spending time even to simply listen to her recount the days events or to be there supporting her in her time of need will go far in her heart. Never stop courting her and recall and re-create the times places and memories that brought you both together.

Begin and end every day in appreciation and gratitude for her presence in your life. This one simple step alone may rock your world and your love life. A deep sense of gratitude will quickly melt away the petty foibles of the day. This step alone encompasses all the other needs of acceptance, honor, and connection this is how to love a woman completely and make your marriage last forever.

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A lot of married men are apprehensive to take up couples' therapies and marriage consultations. This is because it is generally perceived that marriage counselling benefits the wives and the married women more than their husbands. Still, if you are encountering complicated and seemingly unending bouts of problems and issues in your marriage, you need to undergo the specifics of a unique marriage counselling method - that is the provision of marriage help for men.

Why do men need to submit to this form of marriage counselling? It is because the marriage help for men is designed to help men express themselves properly. Most men think that their needs are usually ignored, because they remain quiet during consultations, and they also perceive that their side is neither important nor worthy to be heard, especially when their wives point the accusing finger and wail their hearts out. So the basic purpose of marriage help for men is to make them feel that they are heard and cared for; otherwise, they will never appreciate nor heed the sound advice that they will hear from their professional helpers.

Marriage help for men also focus on the need to control anger and rage, especially during times when one's wife continues to bicker and nag at him. Anger management techniques allow a husband to properly discipline himself not to physically nor verbally abuse his wife, while also allowing him to channel his rage to more constructive activities such as sports and other physical activities.

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This is unapologetically biblical, but it works as it's enshrined in the completeness of love.

Imagine, as a husband, being perfectly supportive, gentle, affectionate, forbearing and forgiving. This is the picture of the husband of the inwardly happy wife.

The apostle Paul says, "Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them." -Colossians 3:19 (Amplified).

It might seem an overly simplistic thing to say and do, but I believe this is the foundation of the marriage relationship--for the husband.

ATTENDING TO BITTERNESS IN MARRIAGE

Looking further into the Greek, the original language this Scripture was written in, the word pikrainesthe requires some explanation but it's effectively picked up in the Amplified Bible translation.

Pikrainesthe means "to be embittered, to grow angry, harsh."

As husbands, we can too easily become critical and harsh, exasperating and irritating, and this in turn creates a distancing in the marriage, and our wives lose respect for us. In effect, the wife won't feel loved and this is based primarily in a lack of trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any marriage. Trust is as critical to women as respect is for men.

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This instruction to the husband is targeted towards his heart.[1] It is taken to mean that the husband should not only not be bitter, but be responsible also to ensure no bitterness comes into the marriage.

John Phillips says bitterness can come from either partner, from a 'raised eyebrow' to a 'sneer' at the other's quirks, desires, needs or interests.[2] These events are like malignant cells; tumours form eventually and death follows.

These issues need to be treated gently but firmly (for which the husband is responsible) to ensure differences don't turn into bitterness. The husband is not charged with doing it but seeing to it, in patient love, over time.

ENGENDERING LOVE IN MARRIAGE

Another appropriate Greek word in this verse is the word for 'love,' agapate. This is a strong love. It is treating her as we would a sister, by watching out for her and being forever consumed by her welfare.

This husbandly responsibility is what, in part, is meant by the previous verse which requires wives to submit to their husbands--this is one of the most taken-out-of-context verses in the Bible. Husbands are simply responsible for the health of the marriage.

THE GOAL OF MARRIAGE

When a wife can submit to her husband, and he takes no advantage, but blesses her with his agape love, he is fulfilling the intended result of Colossians 3:19. That's the outcome. The husband and wife are 'one flesh.'

If the husband can work hard at his marriage, being consistently considerate in his love for her, and attend to the inevitable marital issues that crop up, he will almost certainly have a happy wife who trusts and respects him, and a marriage to last a lifetime.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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