“I’m so fat,” my friend exclaimed. She’s a whole size 8, which is celebrity speak, that makes her about the size of Beyonce. In her defense, she is shorter and is packing more in her bum than Beyonce, but, she’s still thin nonetheless. I didn’t comment after she said this because I know all too well what’s going to happen: she’s not going to believe me. She’s got her mind made up and the reality she’s seeing is true because she believes her thoughts, no matter how untrue they are.

When I am single and looking for a boyfriend, it’s like all of a sudden I’m on an island of no-man’s land in a metropolitan city. There’s not one single man to be found when I’m looking. At this very moment, I could create a story of “Life sucks because all men are married or in relationships! I’m doomed.” And guess what my result would be? I would remain single and I would also become very desperate for any guy that did approach me.

When I am happily single and not looking for anyone (like now), men approach me all the time. Seriously. Like daily. What are my thoughts when this happens “Wow! Cute and single men are everywhere!” Guess what happens? Cute and single men are ever present. My friends always joke that I’m always dating someone if I’m not “tied down” in a relationship. And that notion is mostly true when I keep my mind believing that cute and single men are everywhere.

Do you see where I’m going with this? What you believe keeps you where you are or takes you where you wanna be. Period. It’s been like that since the beginning of time and I don’t believe it’s going to change anytime soon.

So you want more men in your life? Well, first off, and I know this sounds so cliché, but, stop looking. Focus on you. When you go out looking for a man, there’s this invisible signal you give off that says “I want you and I need you to complete me.” This repels men away from you. But if you take that attention and instead focus on yourself, wholeheartedly, watch how many men begin noticing you.

Second thing, we have to work on your belief system. If you don’t think there’s a great life partner out there for you, honey, you’re never gonna find him! He could be sitting right in front of your face and you wouldn’t even know it! Here’s an exercise we can do to tackle these little crazy thoughts.

Step 1, write down all your dating drama in a bullet list. Write down every single thing you believe about dating.(Don't worry this may take a couple of days) Step 2, come up with at least 5 reasons why each thought is complete bullcrap. Come up with very logical answers. For example, Guys don't date plus-size women. This is complete bullcrap because I see men with Plus sized women on TV and at the mall everyday! Once you do that for every one of those crazy thoughts, you're ready for the next step. Step 3, examine which one makes you feel better, the original thought or your reasoning why it’s complete bull. Step 4, start believing the one that makes you feel better. Simple right? But very powerful! Try it out and open your world up to a whole new dating experience.

Author's Bio: 

Shay Banks is a dating expert that loves helping women get back into the dating world after a long hiatus. With a little bit of tough love and blatant honesty, she can guarantee that you can find your life partner in 6 months to a year. Learn how to NEVER lose a guy's interest ever again in her FREE e-book Strut Your Stuff by visiting http://shaybanks.com.