Are you feeling it?

You are sharing your gifts, talents and wisdom with the world and you KNOW that your offer is valuable. There's only one problem. You are not FEELING It. And this creates a vacuum where your confidence falters.

Women in different walks of life: artists, healers, writers, innovators. Women in different countries: the USA, Europe, South Africa, Spain, Mexico. What do these women have in common?

In the decades I've helped women in several continents to open a path to share their gifts with the world through their unique gifts, this one element stands out as a game-changer.

It can drive a woman nuts. She KNOWS her value, and yet she deeply doubts it. She knows she has helped people. And yet she feels like a fake when she offers similar results to others. She can communicate the benefits of her gifts to her Tribe. And yet she holds back from this connection because she can't own the confidence and authority that her experience should have validated.

What is going on?
The problem arises when there is a gap between what you know intellectually and even experientially about your gift... and what you feel and secretly fear about your value, deservability and belonging.

Logical knowledge can help us communicate clearly. But when the emotional certainty is not there, the spirit in our words wobbles and it can come across as lack of confidence, uncertainty or lack of authenticity.

Worse: We start avoiding communicating or connecting with our prospects because we are misaligned with our own authority. Communicating our value ignites anxiety and inner conflict within us.

Let me do a "Show, don't Tell" example from my own life.
Last week someone involved in a documentation project of the historical Nuyorican Poets Cafe sent me a video of me in a performance there in 1983, opening for the father of Nuyorican Poetry, Miguel Algarin.

My whole body began to shake as I watched my 33 year old self perform. What was happening? I realized that I was experiencing a dual time experience. I went back there while staying here and now, in 2022. I was walking in the shoes of my past self while witnessing her from my present self.

The young woman I was then was so beautiful! Her poetry was extraordinary. Not only she was delivering masterful poems but doing it through a powerful play with her voice accompanied by violins and drums (my two favorite musical instruments.) She was awesome!

But she wasn't feeling that awesomeness then in 1983.

She KNEW that what she was doing was good. But she did not FEEL it. She did not feel beautiful. She did not feel worthy. She did not feel successful or accomplished.

However, she was not conscious of this dichotomy. She was used to struggling, fighting for and overworking for anything and everything, so she could not tell that there was anything wrong with that picture.

This was, for that young woman, how things were. Nothing was good enough. Everything needed more tweaking and fixing. And when the curtain rose, she delivered, but a part of her was not enjoying it or owning its magnificence.

She had no inkling of the fears beneath her dissatisfaction. For her this discomfort was habitual. She interpret the stress in that dichotomy as seeking excellence and striving to do her best. So she did not feel it was good enough? That was because she was a perfectionist ~which for her was a good thing! My young self could not see that this perfectionism stemmed from a deep sense of unworthiness.

If you had told me this at that time I would have laughed at you. I considered myself an empowered, confident woman. Yet, I was hiding in plain sight. I sabotaged my promotion and marketing constantly. I did not built my own audience list, depending on promoting each performance. I allowed men in the production aspect of my work who could not take instructions from a woman to sabotage the production's success. I avoided photos of my work because I secretly felt that I was not beautiful enough.

The truth is that we do not know what we do not know. We often cannot connect our problem with the deep fears we carry because these fears are subconscious. They operate in the emotional layers of our being while we try to solve the problems in the logical layers.

Watching this gorgeous young woman perform her poetry, tears fell silently down my face.

The woman that was watching her, my current self, deeply feels her value and has learned to receive her own gifts.

In drinking deeply of my gifts and anchoring my value deeply in my BodySoul, I no longer need strife. I no longer struggle or fight. I no longer overgive because I can't feel that what I give is enough. I no longer sabotage my visibility because I feel that I'm not beautiful or likeable enough.

As I witnessed my past self, I embraced that young woman in unconditional love and compassion.

I celebrated her, naming her mastery and talent out loud and deep within me.

It was a healing in two times. I extended myself to the past to heal that aspect of myself that had not been able to enjoy her own gifts or own her value.

Understanding that this young woman is still within me, I shared with her the deep value of my gifts and offers that I now experience emotionally and physically within the very core of my being.

This self-mothering, self-validation and deep drinking and receiving or our own gifts, value and beauty is the key transformation that allows us to align with our magnificence.

Why this is a Woman's Challenge
In the decades that followed this recorded moment I healed myself, was trained as a shaman and given an immense menu of shamanic tools to absorb, digest and integrate my own value and the value of my gifts.

I then worked to help other women heal their confidence, embody their value and stand in their authority.

Most women who came to me KNEW that their gift was valuable. But they did not FEEL it. In other words, they knew intellectually, but not emotionally.

Some of them were amazing leaders or artists and they knew they were helping others. But they could not FEEL that they were a leader, an influencer, that they were leaving a legacy. They could not FEEL that they were already a success. They knew it, but could not FEEL the value of their contribution.

The Five Top Reasons for this Dichotomy
1. Wounded Selves and limiting stories:
Sometimes this dichotomy happens because a Wounded Self within us still feels unworthy, so our emotional truth splits from our conscious awareness. The past scrambles the present.

2. We can't receive our gifts:
Sometimes this happens because we are not receiving our own gifts. We need to open a space within ourselves to receive, enjoy and appreciate our gifts. This is what allows us to feel our value down to our core.

3. Frequency misalignment:
At others time this happens because we are carrying a vibrational frequency from old learned limitations and judgments and this frequency does not support our self-value. So we feel like we are swimming against the current in presenting our value to the world ~even though we know this value and have a track record and even testimonies!

4. Historical Female Gender trauma:
And let's not forget our Historical Female Gender Trauma of centuries of being a non-citizen, invalidated in our capacity. This trauma has not been healed and is still active in the individual and the collective subconscious.

5. Current double standards:
Not to mention that the double standards and prejudice against women's capability is still alive and kicking in many work places.

Current studies have documented this negative bias and shown that many people (both male and female) evaluate women negatively for leadership actions that are applauded in men, such as innovative ideas, speaking up or assuming their authority.

All of this is operating in different layers of our psyche, and unless there is a healing to achieve coherence, we are at war with ourselves.

How to recognize if you suffer from this dichotomy
If you are like me at that age, you may not understand what is going on because you KNOW that your gifts are valuable, so why are you holding back, playing small, hiding in plain sight, not putting yourself out there in the way you need in order to expand, not charging what you need in order to be sustainable, etc. etc. etc.?

Some of the symptoms to help you recognize that this is what is going on are:

1. You keep fixing your offer without launching it.
2. You are not marketing or networking, so you cannot expand your reach.
3. You get extremely anxious before launching something new and you pull back, procrastinate or sabotage yourself.
4. You do it, but you feel like a fake.
5. You feel like a fake in saying that you can help people get results though you've done it before and know you can do it.
6. You struggle with your pricing and keep lowering your fee.
7. You do not enjoy writing about your offer and doing a sales page is painful.
8. Someone in you does not believe what you are saying in your sales page or marketing, though you know it is true.
9. You love positive feedback and testimonies, but you see them through a patina of --shh! don't tell anyone-- doubt and disbelief.
10. Your passion and joy in your gifts are suffering because of the negative experience with your marketing, promotion, sales and communication with prospects. You are feeling that perhaps this is not worth the trouble.

If this is you, then you want to go in a journey to drink deeply of your own gifts.

Let's see what that looks and feels like.

The Journey to Drink Deeply of your Own Gifts
I help you to open a space to deeply drink from your own gifts and receive your own value. We do this from the creative-intuitive feminine, so that you can access the hidden emotional and energy levels in this dichotomy.

I offer fun, creative rituals that help you absorb, digest and integrate your gifts, talents, skills and value deeply physically and emotionally.

You will do an inventory of your organic gifts, essential gifts, presence qualities, talents, skills, expertise and body of knowledge.

You will then review your main "failures" and "mistakes" to re-frame them as "Growth Assets," so that you can incorporate these assets in your communication and marketing and no longer see them as negative proof of being a loser.

You will then proceed to engage a daily ritual that will allow you to drink each of these gifts deeply.

We work at the somatic, emotional, energy and spiritual layers of your being.

You will learn how to track down old stories that are connected to this dichotomy and are being triggered when you try to communicate your offer. You will be surprised at how your subconscious has stored mistakes, labels and limiting beliefs as stories that are then triggered and overlaid on your current marketing and self-assessment.

We will use intentional energy-changing movement to address the energy patterns of these limiting stories.

You will be able to release the vibrational frequency of the emotions that these hidden narratives emit, like static noise, in the expression and transmission of your gifts.

Then we create a blueprint with practices for every day life so that you can nourish new frequencies and habits and strengthen your self-authority.

Through this fun, powerfully transformative creative projects you will deepen your core self-value this year.

Finally, you get to choose the level of support you need, from a one-time private session to a mentorship-level year-long support and several options in-between.

This is a rare opportunity

If you recognize these symptoms or are fully conscious that you are not "feeling it"...

If you resonate with the need to open a space to receive your gifts for yourself...

If you experience a split between what you know of your own value and the value of your gifts and how you FEEL...

Then you may be in the right place at the right time because I've reopened my private sessions briefly and I am focusing on this challenge to help women anchor their value deep in their core.

I no longer do 1-on-1 journeys, so this is a rare opportunity. I have 4 openings for these rare private journeys.

Interested? Click here to book your journey:

Author's Bio: 

Maria Mar is an artist-poet-storyteller-shaman who ignites women's creative genius on behalf of their mission to make a difference in the world through their talents. She specially loves to work with multi-talented, creative and innovative women who want to live joy, shine bright, create beauty and share it.

Join her Tribe of Butterfly Women here: