Breakups are bad. Bitter divorces are worse. When it's over you may get the urge to want to dance around in your living room rejoicing about your newfound freedom from the loon who made your life a living hell. You may also feel the need to want to talk to someone or write a song about it. Whatever you decide to do in terms of expressing your thoughts or feelings, it's best to tread lightly, especially if you have children.

Anger and resentment are two nasty emotions that are very hard to mask. Resentment is an emotionally debilitating condition that often occurs either when we feel there is wrongdoing that has gone unjustified or unresolved. Anger is the uncontrollable stepchild of emotions all around. Due to the fact that many of us do not know how to handle our anger constructively, an already difficult situation can manifest itself in damaging ways.

Talking about any breakup can help in a lot of ways. You are able to address the issue and work towards moving forward. This is called the healing process. Grabbing a bullhorn and shouting out to whomever will listen about how your ex is the world's biggest jackass, while holding on to a grudge behind the breakup only makes for a nasty cup of poison that only you will drink from. It is incredibly detrimental to your spirit and those around you, especially children. No matter what age they are, children aren't as naive or unaware as you may think. Their eyes are always watching and their ears are always listening. A child's mind is like a sponge; they absorb everything very quickly and easily. No matter who's right or wrong in the situation, being caught in the middle can have adverse effects on your child(ren). Making your child feel like he or she has to choose between parents puts unnecessary pressure and stress on an already tense situation.

It's bad enough they are forced to face the reality that he or she is now the product of divorced parents, it is unfair to put your child through dealing with the strain of your bad emotions on top of it. The only thing that can come from it is your child will began to develop a similar infectious attitude as you and your ex. He or she will become angry, resentful, and bitter, taking on a defensive stance against both of you, which only further creates psychological damage to his or her emotional environment. The court system can only do but so much. What they are not held responsible for is fixing broken homes, broken hearts, or broken children. The decision to see that no further damage is done is completely up to you, so watch yourself. The same rule also applies to your family and friends. It may feel good to vent about your ex to them, but recognize that doing this more often than you need to also puts them into an uncomfortable position as well. Not only does it create a space of bad energy, but they often get sucked into your vortex of drama as they are made to feel forced to choose sides and shift blame.

You don't have to like your ex. You don't even have to love them. In fact, you may have strong negative feelings about your child's other parent with good reason. However, you need to stop thinking of your former spouse as your ex-wife, ex-husband, baby's momma, baby's daddy or whatever the title, and start thinking of them as your child's other parent. The person whom your child loves. The person who plays just as an important role in his or her life as you do.

Even if you and the co-parent aren't able to get along, you still should know how to behave like adults. If you are unable to stop badmouthing your ex to your children, or if you are unable to stop yourself from acting childishly toward your child's other parent, there is a very, very strong chance that you will succeed in alienating your children from you, and you may find that once your children reach adulthood, they no longer want much - if anything - to do with you. Your former relationship with your ex spouse has nothing to do with the child. It has nothing to do with your friends, current mate, or anyone else. Trashing your ex never reflects on their personality as much as it does your own. The backfire effect is just not worth it. Be neutral. Be smart. Detach yourself. Move forward.

Author's Bio: 

Smith Barlay has a wild passion of IT, especially IT Certifications, IT Exams, Internet, Searchengine Optimization techniques and Social Media.