This universal problem is lurking in every community on the planet. Women everywhere complain about the lack of bachelors in the “pool of eligible” men to marry. They all want to walk down the coveted aisle of matrimony to escape the alternative of being lonely. In spite of trying every option known to man (on-line dating, blind dates, gym memberships, sporting events, and browsing advice columns), many women still come up short of accomplishing their goal of finding Mr. Right. Why? If you didn’t catch the hint in the title of this article, let me break it down.
There is one absolute critical ingredient to finding the love of your life, and that is to realize that you already have the individual who is not only the love of your life but is also the one and only “sole” individual who has the power, passion, and persuasion to accomplish any desired goal. That person is you! You have heard it said many times that you must first love yourself before you can invite, and have, successful love from others.

Following are signs that you don’t love yourself:
• Feeling lonely frequently
• Reluctant to go to dinner or movies alone
• Needing the approval of friends and loved ones
• Toxic self-talk that you will never find true love
• Toxic beliefs that all unmarried women over 40 are doomed to be lonely forever
Following are small steps to begin the process of loving yourself:
• Reverse the toxic self-talk and say out loud – “I love myself unconditionally”
• Find enjoyable activities to do alone (i.e., plant a garden, go for a leisurely walk, take a long relaxing bath, go out to events/movies/dinner alone)
• Find humor in situations and laugh often
• Surround yourself with like-minded friends who uplift and encourage your goals
• Work with a life coach to accomplish your goals
• Make a list of traits you love about yourself
• Have a make-over

Oftentimes, we don’t understand that what’s inside will manifest itself in our actions, beliefs, and behaviors toward others. If you feel unhappy, judgmental, or cynical about dating, potential dates will feel the negative vibes and run for the hills upon meeting you. Men love confident women, and this comes from understanding how to love you without being over the top or overly critical.
Also, check yourself to ensure you are being realistic about what you want. Be honest about what you truly want in your life. Do you want a spouse, best friend who happens to be a male, or a companion to enjoy movies, dinner, and other extracurricular activity?
Assess the current dates you’ve had and determine whether it was good or bad; and also ask yourself what you liked about the individual.

If you are sure you want to be married, make a list of the traits you’re looking for in a mate. Is the list realistic? Are you “in your lane”? Do you bring similar traits and characteristics to the union? These are critical aspects of finding the right person for you.
Is your heart open to receive love? This is the most critical question of all. If you have not resolved past hurts and toxic emotions, then you have not yet forgiven the individual or yourself for previous breakups. Before you can move forward, you must get past your past; and the only way for this to occur is to let go, stop looking in the rearview mirror, release the fear, and be willing to allow potential mates to show who they are.

Marriage can be an amazing journey, but you must believe that it is a journey and not a destination. Growth continues long after the vows have been spoken and the honeymoon is over. Learning to love yourself in spite of your flaws (and we all have them), communicating without taking things personally, and being committed to each other is what it takes to have a successful union. The superficial aspects of dating, love, and romance (looks, possessions, accomplishments, and power) pale in comparison to the inner connection of two souls joining as one. This mindset and belief from both parties will result in a long happy successful life together with your true soul mate.

Prepare yourself to be a good partner instead of focusing on the self-lie that “there aren’t enough good men available to marry.”

So I ask; “Who is Your Sole Mate?” YOU are your sole mate because you are your greatest asset, and when you begin to believe this, you will accomplish your goal of finding your Mr. Right.

Author's Bio: 

Cathy Holloway Hill is founder and CEO of C. Holloway Hill Enterprises, a personal and professional development organization specializing in life skills training, and career/life coaching. Her company’s mission is to devise strategies that promote performance excellence and empower others to achieve their personal and professional best. Cathy provides her clients with the tools and knowledge to take action, discover potential, embrace change, and unleash their brilliance.

In addition to her work as a Career Consultant & Life Coach, Cathy also has corporate experience with IBM Corporation. Cathy walked away from a lucrative corporate career to focus on her life’s purpose of enhancing and advancing the lives of others. Cathy’s strong spiritual upbringing, and her belief that God is directing her toward a higher purpose, was the driving force to move her out of corporate America. Her professional experience in the male-dominated technology industry affords her the ability to speak from the heart on many topics related to career and life success. She is a member of Professional Woman Network (PWN), National Speakers Association, NAFE, and NAWBO. Cathy is certified in Diversity Training, Professional Speaking, Women’s Career Training, and Customer Service.

For two consecutive years, Cathy was recognized as the Black Achiever of the Year within the Community. This award recognizes African-American professionals for their career accomplishments and commitment to mentoring youth. She has also been recognized in the Who’s Who Black Louisville, Center for Leadership Development, and many other mentoring programs.

Cathy has a B.S. in Computer Science from Bellarmine University, Louisville, Kentucky, and a Masters in Psychology from Walden University. Beginning her career at IBM Corporation, she has received numerous performance awards for outstanding leadership and employee development.

Cathy has been recognized in numerous national publications including Ebony and Black Enterprise Magazines. She also has had appearances on Full Circle with Suzanne McAllister and Inside Indiana Business with Gerry Dick. Cathy was recently a 2012 recipient of the Indiana Torchbearer Award from the Governor, Mitch Daniels, which is the highest award a woman can receive in the State of Indiana.
Cathy hosts a live Radio Talk Show every Wednesday, 6:00 EST, entitled, "Living By Design". The radio talk show focuses on self, health, and wealth to enhance and advance the lives of women. Cathy’s talk show can be heard at

Giving back is what drives Cathy. Her motto is; “Life is not about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself”. Reach out to Cathy at