We all know that to change and grow, to have an open mind and be flexible with the daily and not so-daily changes in our life is a must in order to flourish, however there is one area where, when we expect change, it is an absolute recipe for disaster.

You may be able to already guess which area it is I am talking about, if not, it is the area of relationships, not just intimate, but any relationship you have with any person.

You see, in order to be at your happiest and most productive, you cannot have the pressure or expectation of thinking that someone will change to fit what your needs are. If there are differences between you and someone you care about, you both must value each other enough to be willing to work together and create a change, compromise that would work for both of you. You cannot force change, or try to nag someone into it. They have to care enough to be willing to hear you out, even if they do not agree, and both of you would need to come up with a solution to the problem, if not it will continue to escalate till it totally breaks down. You should have the attitude and knowing that you can only change yourself, and if someone that you are involved with simply cannot make certain changes/compromises, and you are not willing to accept and work with those differences, then it is best not to become deeply involved in your union together.

If it is a short-term encounter, that is fine, they’re differences will not matter much to you, you will work with them on the task that brought you together, and then be on your way. If however, this is a person you are considering to become a part of you personal life, such as an intimate partner, you would need to know that your best chances of the relationship succeeding, is to not expect to change or mold that person into something they are not. You need to know right from the start that you are willing to accept them just as they are, and that you both are able to work together to grow the relationship in a positive direction, and that you both agree that your differences are okay and workable within the relationship.

If the relationship is one in which we are talking about a relative, it is best to acknowledge that you do not have the power to change other’s, and if you do not agree with their actions or choices, you need to accept that fact. Everyone is placed on this earth to be their own person, and to learn and grow in their own way. So, you must have the understanding that you can offer your opinion, but you should not get in a constant battle with them to change to your expectations. It is best to love and accept them for who they are, and who they want to become. You need to let the people you love make their own decisions, you can be there to try to guide and give advice, but if not accepted, you should not hold grudges, or force the issue. Instead, understand where they are coming from, be their friend, love and accept them, let them grow and evolve in their own way. Be there for them to offer your love and support even if you don’t always agree with their choices.

As far as other encounters in your life, such as friends, colleagues and acquaintances, it is wonderful to know that you make all your own choices and decisions about whom to, and how deeply involved to become with any particular person in your circle of life.

I have many different friends, colleagues and associates who are all great, and all of whom I am involved with on a different level. It is great to accept and acknowledge that we will have throughout our lives, encounters with others who we connect with on many different levels. But in order for each connection to serve its greatest purpose, it is best to try not to suffocate it with the energy of trying to change someone. If you are not comfortable with the encounter, simply step away from it if you can. If it is someone whom you will be in contact with, because they may be a relative who you must see at that moment in life, or a co-worker, then you can create changes of your own to be able to encounter with these people in a successful way, a way that works for you. Do not worry about what you don’t like about them, or how they handle things, or their choices in life, instead focus on you, and what you will do and how you will shift in order to make your encounter with these people more pleasant when you do see them.

Don’t try to change, and try not to judge other people who you encounter, and whom you have a relationship with. Learn that we are all here to experience our own choices in their fullest form, and no one can interfere with that. It is only you who can change you, and only you who can decide how to handle situations. What you accept and what you do not accept are all your choices; no one can enter your space and force change in that. Nor should you want to, or try to change another.

When you accept other people who enter your life wholeheartedly without putting demands of change on them, you will see that both of you will then be able to co-create an amazing relationship that leads to both of you feeling very safe and comfortable with each other and you will both be able to build a healthy level of trust and comfort within your relationship. You will begin to experience all the joy, good and happiness these people can bring into your life, and you in turn can bring joy, good and happiness into their lives. It is wonderful when we can simply accept others for who they are, we can then really grow close to them, and appreciate them.

Everyone that enters our life has a special gift of the giving of himself or herself. When we can appreciate that gift and give the same back it empowers us in unbelievable ways. Enjoy all the gifts life has to offer. Make the changes that you want to make for you, don’t worry about changing others, and let them make their own choices in life.

Remember change is good when it is your change, not you trying to force change in others.

Author's Bio: 

Lori Snyder partners with people who are ready to begin moving their lives in a forward direction. I believe that each person hold within them powerful inner strength, that when tapped into, can help them to create positive results towards making their lives an extraordinary one.

Lori has a degree in Sociology, and is a Certified Executive/Empowerment Coach; she is also an Accredited Energy Leadership Coach. Lori received this certification from IPEC School of Coaching. She is also a successful speaker, writer, workshop facilitator and entrepreneur.

Lori was a columnist for The Long Island Center for Business & Professional Women. And she also was on the advisory board for Newsday s Wellness Magazine; she acted as their Personal Development Coach, and also enjoyed doing a 6 month feature with the magazine, she was also featured in More magazine, and Generations magazine, and was just recently on Life Coach TV. Lori can be reached at info@lori-snyder.com or 516-708.9261.

© COPYRIGHT 2009 Lori Snyder