When You and Your Husband Are Not On Same Page: Agreeing To Disagree In Relationships

When You and Your Husband Are Not On Same Page: Agreeing To Disagree In Relationships

Chances are that you know at least one person that is divorced. The average person knows at least three people who have been divorced.

Yes, the numbers of failed marriages are staggering. Divorce percentage has increased over the years never to go down again. Why can't people seem to be able to stay married anymore? Are you in need of a cure to marriage conflicts?

A fact that has become obvious is that society doesn't value marriage very much anymore. This is due to the media world that puts divorced people in front of us each and every day.

People who are trying to stay together and fight their issues are sometimes seen as weak or scared to face the world on their own. Women or even men who are trying to forgive their unfaithful spouse are often told that they should leave the marriage rather they try reconciliation.

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This is the kind of pressure that our society is putting on married people who have issues that could still be repairable, but who might just give up.

In the end, for many people, divorce is an easier solution than reconciliation. However, what if you discovered that it is really the other way around? Divorce is not as easy of a process as some would want you to believe.

Divorce is emotionally traumatic for some people and it had been compared to dealing with death by some people who have gone through a divorce. It can also be very challenging for the emotional well being of children, even if it's what we call an amicable divorce. The separation will still be there, and the child will still lose one of his parents "full-time" so to speak.

What could be done to stop divorce?

The cure to marriage conflicts is the real and only cure to divorce. This is a willingness to improve your marital issues and the good news is that it doesn't have to come from both spouses. There is hope to cure those marriage conflicts as long as one of the two is willing to start.

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When you think, "my husband doesn't love me anymore", I feel what you are going through. I had the same thing happen to me some time ago, and the pain never left... until I succeeded in making him love me again and saving our marriage. I experienced all emotions you must be going through now, so please bear with me as I explain what was it that saved my marriage.

Being full with the thoughts of "my husband doesn't love anymore", "my marriage is collapsing", "what will happen to the kids?", etc. rains down desperation on all of you - you get soaked in it. When you are desperate, you can't think very clearly. Yes, you want to save your marriage more than everything, and you would do everything to do this, but what? How?

Saving your marriage from divorce requires careful thinking and planning. What was the fundamental issue that caused all of this? This whole thing might have sparked from a small and trivial matter quickly leading into a fight; but even in that case it's not the trivial thing that is ending your marriage - it's some much bigger, much deeper, more fundamental problem just being triggered by a small spark.

Finding the roots of the problem, looking at it, examining it requires concentration and rational thinking. Figuring out what to do requires even more careful thinking as everything you do might end up making your husband fall even further out of love with you and bring you closer to divorce.

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The Woman Who Saved My Marriage Said...

"Usually, the quarrels or fights - they are not what ends a marriage. What ends a marriage is the desperate attempts of a spouse to save the marriage; which ends up frustrating the other side even more, making them even more fed up, eventually leaving them no option but to break up."

Now... how does the "desperation" and what I just said/quoted come together? Like this: You need to think clearly. If you act upon your thoughts right now... in your desperate state of mind... you will surely do one of those things that is quoted above - things that will make your spouse even more fed up; things only a desperate mind could come up with to "save" the marriage.

What you need to do is to not go with the flow right now. Believe me - this is the best piece of advice you will ever receive, as a starting advice on what to do when you say "my husband doesn't love me anymore". First calm down your emotions, then act...

....Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.

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What men want in their wives is someone who is going to yell at them. Really? Yes, really. This doesn't seem to make sense, but by the end of this article, it's going to make so much sense to you, you won't know why you weren't yelling at your man in the first place. In fact, if you haven't been yelling at your man at least once a week, you've been missing out on some good opportunities to build up your relationship with him. I'm going to go through three reasons as to why yelling in a relationship is important and how by not yelling, your relationship is heading towards a break up.

1. Letting Off Steam

As much as you love your man at the moment, he will get on your nerves. You'll get on his nerves, too. It is a lot more harmful to the individual and to the couple if you keep everything bottled up. It will head towards a confrontation where you will explode at each other.

Yelling at each other is a way that you can control this build up of pressure. You never let it get to boiling point and you're able to settle back down to a level where you can tolerate each other. You might ask, "but is it really that bad? Will I have to yell at him?" All I'm saying is, if it hasn't happened yet, it will happen soon enough.

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2. Familiarity

Yelling at your man increases your familiarity. You don't yell at people you're unfamiliar with (unless you're a crackpot weirdo who's lost his/her mind on the street). This will also encourage him to do the same with you and for him to let loose and not hold back from things that might have been bugging him about you.

Ultimately, you want the truth, don't you? Don't hide things. It's not going to help your relationship. That's when the cracks start to appear. Yell, diffuse pressure, get the truth out, get over it and move on. That's when you grow and strengthen your marriage.

3. Communication

Yelling is also ultimately a form of communication. It's a way to voice your concerns, differences, whatever's on your mind. You typically only yell when you're talking about things that are a bigger deal to you as well.

This is a signal for your spouse (or anyone else who's listening) to listen up. They know you wouldn't yell otherwise. The great thing about this is, you might have to yell loudly and frequently initially to get him to listen, but over time, he'll know inherently what matters to you.

What men want is for their woman to yell at them. If she yells at him, she recalibrates pressure levels, gets him to tell the truth more often and can "train" him to understand what's most important to her. Men will appreciate and love their woman more if they do that.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Ahhh, that feeling! Your spirit soars. You feel like you're being lifted higher and higher. If feels so good it must be right. Right? Maybe you'd better watch out for those cruel rocks below! How many of us have taken that flight, only to plummet to despair when our illusions are shattered. Perhaps the expression that you "fall" in love contains hidden wisdom that warrants attention. Falling is usually a passive act in which we don't have much conscious choice about what is going to happen. We are victim to other forces beyond our control. Sometimes we land all right, sometimes not. Do you really want to remain so passive and trust in luck? Maybe so. But if you're going to gamble, you'd better find out which way the dice are loaded.

The dice we're talking about are the unconscious. Falling in love is really an extremely complex phenomenon that cannot be adequately described here. Let it suffice to say that there are usually unconscious motives interacting beyond the awareness of both partners. You don't have to understand it. Call it your intuition and pay attention as to whether it works for you or against you in romantic relationships. Some of us may be brilliant thinkers and hold advanced degrees but we may have the most lousy intuition that leads us into one failed love affair after another. "Infatuation junkie" is one term for it. If you think your intuition has really led you into healthy, rewarding, enduring relationships, then go with it! Don't mess with a process that works. But if your intuition doesn't work... say you have a bent antenna... then consider another strategy.

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Consider the alternative of climbing into love. It's a lot more work and less glamour but the risks are far less and you can get there nonetheless. Consider the fact that the "in love" stage of relationships almost never exceeds three years and is usually much briefer. Being in love is going to be a short-lived phenomenon anyway. All romantic relationships must make a transition to a more mature form of loving if they're going to remain stable after the "in love" stage. Perhaps it's worth it for you to skip the risky part and move on to the stage where both of you must put in more effort. The reason why falling in love takes less effort is because it involves more fantasy than reality and fantasy is easy to manufacture. It's more effort to maintain limits within the relationship while you ask yourself "Is this relationship really in my long-term best interest?" It's more effort to reconcile how you both really are, warts and all. It's far more effort to preserve mutual respect while you gradually explore your differences as well as your common ground.

Respect is a much under-valued commodity in relationships. It doesn't give you the euphoria as does falling in love, it takes more effort, and it connotes more emotional separation between partners. However, some emotional separation is essential if your relationship is going to survive. Respect is the cornerstone of the more mature relationship that hopefully follows the in-love euphoria. A key point to take from this discussion is that you don't have to fall in love in order to develop love. Respect is often a better starting point. From there, you may work your way to affection and from affection, to deeper intimacy as your trust grows more realistically.

Some of you may be wondering "Where's the romance?" Take heart! Romance can grow just as well on a foundation of solid respect as it can on shaky infatuation. Many people assume that falling in love is the same thing as being romantic. Not true. Romance is something that can be actively created through choice and planning. Falling in love cannot. If you get romance confused with being the same thing as falling in love, you are likely to forget to plan your romance after the euphoric "in love" phase has departed. If you remember to plan those special times and special messages of affection, both you and your partner can enjoy a fulfilling and mature relationship.

Now Listen Carefully-

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