When Fantasy Becomes Reality: Use Pornography to Explore Your Desires Safely

While you may feel no primal need to actually engage in rough sex, porn, or the myriad of fetishes that exist- visual materials can satiate deep desires and normalize behaviors.

In real life, there are so many things that we never get the chance to experience; specifically, when it comes to sexual gratification. Whether these lost opportunities are out of fear, lack of opportunity, or lack of the ideal partner, if can be much more than simply disheartening not to have our needs realized. Surely there are people who seem more fortunate in this finicky realm of want; or perhaps it’s simply a matter of courage or drive that allows them to indulge their less “socially appropriate” sides.

However, the truth is that luck and courage have little to do with it. In fact, most aren’t able to experience the sex they really fantasize about, well, because they don't know how to get it, or how to articulate complicated fantasy. For these circumstances, the modern “we” certainly have advantages. We have a multitude of websites, sexshops, and communities- which can serve as powerful tools, capable of helping us to experience our sexual life more fully, even if it’s in a self-taught manner. The Victorians had their kinks, to be sure- but they never had the access and degree of social freedom, that we enjoy.

Materials that offer us the power to live our deepest desires and fantasies even if it’s just through our eyes and imaginations. Given the improbability that we can achieve certain fantasies and desires that we have in the flesh, the Internet gives us the keys to to the erotic kingdom. Allowing our minds to indulge in what our bodies may not actually be able to. "Our main goal is to offer users the ability to find what they are looking for, no matter what that is. To provide a safe and comfortable space to explore individual sexuality without judgement or recourse.” Say the creators of Porndoe, an online streaming site that allows viewers to indulge in any number of eroticisms. “Where pornography is based on mutual consent and understanding. Alleviating the feelings of shame or alienation.” Which opens up an entirely new realm in the universe of sexual gratification.

How Porn Helps

Thanks to sites like Porndoe, users have access to videos specific to their tastes- that require no justification or explanation. The multitude of sexual alternatives that are available is staggering. Genres such as bdsm, incest, rough sex, lesbian, gay or bisexual, among many others, can be difficult to admit an interest in. Giving people the opportunity to live the experience through cinematic representation; without needing to compromise in relationships, or trudge through the difficulty of trying to explain a desire you yourself don’t quite have figured out yet. An added advantage of pornography is, it can become a reference when learning to have the sex you’re interested in, or to even better expand on where that interest originates. Knocking out confusion and uncertainty, before needing to integrate these predilections into your actual life.

Such is the case of many young people, or inexperienced lovers, who can find a good source of answers to their thousands of unknowns. “Am I gay? Or do I just enjoy watching gay porn? Do I really want to participate in rough sex, or is BDSM voyeurism enough?” Sexuality is incredibly fluid, and putting it into a box can be extremely difficult. Especially at a young age. Pornography can provide a visual experience, teaching us the different modalities of sex, because nobody is born understanding their unique brand of sexuality. And looking towards peers, family, or friends for insight can often be tough. Specifically, if your tribe doesn’t experience similar desire.

When Pleasure Becomes Pain

Arguably one of the most polarizing, alienating, and frustrating parts of modern society can be the response to expression of personal desire. What one sees as normal- another may find offensive. Further pressing us to quell our needs and repress our desire to discuss. Something perhaps not so obvious- but of the utmost importance, is how to acquire the necessary confidence in ourselves and the total acceptance of our tastes, needed to achieve the full satisfaction of our sexuality. Not only satisfaction, but a personal approval in what we are drawn to. To not feel like we are broken, or somehow perverse, in our needs. This is when our pleasures become painful, and in some instances- harmful.

To live our fantasies without shame, without inhibition, without considering ourselves strange or believing that our desires are wrong, is the real goal here. Instead, shifting focus to safe and consensual sex, where we can feel comfortable in our innate expression. This razor thin line of acceptance and secure comfort is difficult to walk. For many, it seems impossible. But, looking towards the possibility of using pornography to bring safety, confidence and acceptance, isn’t actually such a long shot. Such as utilizing this tool to decide if rough sex porn is a predilection that suits you in your life, or just something that you enjoy viewing.

Choosing between fantasy and reality is up to us. And frankly- pornography can help us realize that distinction. Without preventing ourselves from expanding, based on the moral high ground that others take. Instead, indulging in our desires from a safe space, and one that we can better understand their origins- as well as ourselves. Helping ourselves to grow into more supportive relationships, and harness our own ideas of normalcy.