Women think they have it tough; periods, childbirth, emotional turmoil, hair straighteners, diets, washing sheets, changing bra sizes, bitchyness and working out which member of Sex and the City they are most like. However, all of these things can be solved with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, topped off with a Hugh Grant DVD.

Men, on the other hand, have serious troubles. As far back as the days of Adam and Eve, men have been striving after one thing: what women want. So over the past month I have been on an epic voyage of discovery, in an attempt to delve into the minds of the fairer sex and find out what it is that makes a man attractive.

Being a red-blooded male myself and, over time, having had some gold medal successes and some complete car crash catastrophes with women, I thought I would have a fair grasp of how to get my schweff on and what things matter in a relationship.

However, on starting to research this article and having analysed the results, it’s made me think twice about my attitude towards women. It pains me to say it, but for the next 1000+ words, I’m going to take off my ‘lad hat’, throw any preconceptions of women to the side and try to become your everyday Mel Gibson, to give a true analysis of What Women Want.

And so, after initial conception, a brain storm, a pilot study, hundreds of results and a week of deliberating how best to convey the outcome, it’s time for the Tooth’s Survey To Find The Perfect Man 2010.

First Impressions

So you’re in a bar, you clock a girl from across the room, and you’re not sure what you should be doing. How can you impress her without even speaking to her? Unfortunately, poking her in the back with your boner isn’t a goer, with 0% of women finding this attractive. Your best bets are chatting with a group of lads (32% favourite) or hanging out with a large group of girl and boy mates (25%). For those of you who enjoy cutting a few Travolta-esque shapes on the dancefloor, you will be impressing 1 in 10 girls. I like those odds.

So a large-scale social it is. Get the gang off the sofa, turn off X Factor and head on down to your nearest discothèque with a big group of mates.


This is always a tricky one, as it’s the one thing we cant change, but whoever you are, whatever you look like, fashion and build are two things you can alter. Unfortunately for us normal chaps, the most popular body type is medium-toned (49%) – think Ashton Kutcher. Bugger, suddenly I’m not feeling so confident and that foot-long Subway at lunch might have been a little excessive, and drizzle is not actually a valid excuse for not going for a run.

But fear not men, all is not lost, The Inbetweener (think Colin Firth) comes in at a close second, being a favourite of 22% of the women surveyed. The other redeeming result is that we don’t have to be Vin Diesel either, with only 7% of ladies preferring stacked men.

What to wear is never usually an issue for us blokes, and luckily the women agree. Throw on your jeans, stripy shirt and brown loafers and you’re away – a third of women think this easy combo is a good look for us.

The Date

In the good words of Hitch, if you’re on a date, you’ve already won. She is keen to meet you, she knows what you look like, you’ve poked her on Facebook, the limited texting you’ve been doing is so far going well and on the day of the date her texts end in two kisses, so you’re definitely in – and yes ladies, men do take notice of how many kisses you end with.

But what to chat about? If you’re out for dinner you have to maintain the charm offensive for at least two hours. So what are the hot topics to get your girl going? Best bets are friends in common, family and work. Absolutely steer clear of technology and politics. For the ultimate finishing move, have a couple of funny childhood stories in the archive and she will be putty in your hand.

The worst thing you can do is be boring – keep the chat going and you will be fine. Also keep your phone in your pocket and leave out the arrogance; the date is all about her, take an actual interest in what she has to say. Checking out the waitress isn’t actually too big a deal and neither is glancing at your lady’s boobs, but keep a lid on this as they are still on the list of don’ts.
Click here to find out what women want in the bedroom...

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