The pain created by infidelity is one of the most difficult things that a couple can go through. I have shared this in many other articles and videos discussing how to heal from infidelity here on my blog.

My intention is not to minimize any of the pain that a person experiences when dealing with infidelity

I encourage you to read this article entirety and apply my tips because you can transform that pain into something for your own benefit. I have seen this happen time and time again in my work with thousands of couples coping with infidelity.

This does not mean that infidelity is a good thing; as a matter of fact it is a very hurtful thing.

Here’s What To Do With The Pain Created by Infidelity
I have witnessed many of the couples I work with transform the pain created by infidelity so that a person can have the best possible life and best possible relationship (whether it is with the current person or a future one).

Three things to onsider when you are the betrayed partner:

One: Understand that the pain created by infidelitycould evoke any insecurities that are lurking inside of you and give you a chance to let go and see your value that does not depend on your partner’s behavior or viewpoint.

Two: The pain created by infidelity could help you see more deeply and understand what makes people do hurtful things including your partner.

Three: Or the pain could help you come face to face with your own contributions to the marital/relationship issues. (This does not imply any responsibility for the partner’s hurtful choices).

Let me go deeper into each one of these three points.

I’ve seen many betrayed people blame themselves and wonder what’s wrong with them when trying to deal with the pain created by infidelity. They start to consider thoughts that maybe they’re not good enough or they’re not attractive enough or something enough. These are often leftover beliefs from other earlier false learnings that happened in this person’s life.

We are all flawed and imperfect human beings and just because of that does not mean we deserve to be cheated upon.

Many times in my sessions both in person and virtual, I help the betrayed person recognize the false beliefs that they have been living under. They start to realize how they have been giving power to other people especially their intimate partner to define their worth on some level.

They learn how to take back that power and they learn that only they themselves can define their worth.

I help these individuals raise their emotional energy to one of self-acceptance and self-compassion as opposed to self-blame. Sometimes it even brings out early childhood trauma where we have the opportunity to process and clear that trauma so the person can claim his or her self worth and high self esteem.

HEALING TIP: Notice where you feel that sense of not being enough in your body.

Soften that area of your body. Inhale your breath to that part of the body and exhale out the pain associated with that sensation. This is just a starting point to intervene at a mind/body level with your automatic negative belief patterns.

The second item is about seeing more deeply what motivates people to behave a certain way or make a certain choice. Having this depth of vision and insight could temper your emotions, help you move on from feeling like a victim and even turn that deeper, compassionate understanding toward yourself. This can lead to more helpful options in dealing with the significant people in your life including children, siblings and parents.

TIP: Ask what makes your partner, child, parent, etc. make the choices they do.

They make those choices because they are going after some attempted benefit even if it leads to negative consequences. They might not know but that question can lead to helpful interventions, communications and even increased quality of life.

Thirdly, take a closer look at yourself. What are your actual strengths? What part of you needs more development?

You never deserved to be cheated on; however, at the same time, think of facing the pain created by infidelity as an opportunity for a self assessment.

We all have areas to work on. I have seen countless betrayed partners develop aspects of themselves that have led to far more fulfilling lives.

Living and thinking in this way gives you the power to creatively shift relationships so that you can have more of what you want.

HEALING TIP: Relax your body by taking several relaxation breaths into your abdomen and completely exhaling.

Also, soften your belly muscles and let them rest. From this more relaxed place (you do not have to be completely relaxed), see your partner who cheated from your most inquisitive and curious place in your psyche. See him or her as a person who cheated rather than as a “cheater.”

Wonder what would make this person you care so much about sabotage this precious relationship. What was your partner trying to feel or avoid feeling.

Be kind to yourself as you evoke your understanding part. This does not mean that you are letting him or her “off the hook.” You are just reaching for a depth of vision and feeling.

Of course, working through the pain created by infidelity is not easy.

However, looking at your tough situation in a deeper and more understanding way has its benefits to you as well as your significant others. It is worth the attention. Learning that life is more complicated and people are more complicated as well as all the self awareness that comes with it is the blessing in the crisis.

Your pain is real; you have been wronged.

And you need to feel the pain created by infidelity and be supported through that pain. However, I encourage you to choose to look beyond the pain and see what are the silver linings in this process.

Keep an open mind and heart. I am here to help you navigate the pain created by infidelity and heal from it.

Author's Bio: 

Mr. Creager is educated and trained as a Marriage and Sex Therapist and spends much of his time helping partners in long-term relationships learn how to create passionate, alive and nourishing interactions. He provides unique and powerful insights that lead to powerful breakthroughs which result in his clients getting closer to realizing their full potential.

He founded his practice in 1982 in Tustin CA, and has since helped thousands of individuals and couples learn how to bring the best out of others to achieve their goals. The biggest joy in his career is witnessing clients increase their capacity to receive more from life as well as others.

He has developed the gift of helping couples and individuals move past their resistance to have the relationships and love they crave. His specialties include helping couples heal from infidelity, helping couples rekindle passion and helping individuals break free from their earlier toxic relationships and dysfunctional families. He does this in a variety ways including specialized programs that are powerful and effective as well as seminars, workshops, speaking and informational products.

Todd’s practice in Huntington Beach, CA has been helping couples and individuals all around Orange County including Long Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Corona del Mar and Seal Beach – for over 30 years!