A first date with a woman had better not be the only date on your social horizon. Get that straight right from the beginning.

I don’t care if you are short, fat, bald, “ugly,” haven’t ever played a guitar or rode a motorcycle.

I don’t even care if you can’t dance, have a small penis, and were always the last picked in gym class.

The only thing about me on this list is that last item, but that’s beside the point. For most of my adolescent life, being last picked in gym class was a source of endless shame for me.

I let it seep into every interaction I had with women.

It turns out that if you have one quality – you are a MAN - then you have the inborn ability to have not just one successful date, but a whole slew of them.

Every week, you can have three, five, seven dates if you want.

You just need to remember two things.

I once read a book for WOMEN called, “If the Buddha Dated.” Most of it was sugary sweet hopefulness for women in their social lives, but ONE thing really stood out for me. The author, Charlotte Kasl, said the perfect attitude in early dating is to have a kind of “interested amusement.”

I took that to mean that the “interested” part keeps us from getting too silly or distracted to miss opportunity, and the “amused” part keeps us from getting to overserious, too ‘tunnel visioned” or too “obsessive” about just one woman in a sky filled with potential female stars for our life stories.

The second thing you need to know is that early dating needs to be a TWELVE LANE HIGHWAY, not a SINGLE LANE COUNTRY ROAD.

This means that you need to have circles within circles of friends, and in all I do, I show you how to get that for yourself.

Form a large pool of social connections to women, you can hop from one lane to another if one date is slow and another lacks the romantic gasoline to get your engines revving.

You STILL get to where you want to go when you have a twelve lane highway, only you get there much faster and more efficiently.

On that first date, everything needs to be FUN and FLIRTATIOUS, not serious, not like an interview where you compare goals and values, and not like a “hangout” or “hookup” either.

Women of quality immediately pick up on the clues when you are only out for sex, a one night stand, or are less than interested.

They want to know that THEY make YOU happy, just by their presence. They call this “chemistry.” It’s not just beastly lust, or an urge to jump into bed. It is a mixture of friendship feelings, fun and humor, and ALSO that impulse, that urge to touch, to stroke, to feel skin on skin. ALL these must be present for things to go to the next level.

But not until you have passed her tests of having the emotional security to let loose and have fun, as well as the wit, intelligence and charm to be flirtatious. To be creative enough to dance the dance of courtship – the game of spurring curiosity, innuendo, and to notice a romantic story beginning to take hold of you both.

Within all this, if you do NOTHING else on the first date, you MUST do two things:

Establish a MYSTERY about you for her to solve. Something that makes her want to come back for more ANSWERS about you – leaves her with questions, a curiosity, an intrigue about you (whether it is intellectual, or about your attire, your unusual friendships, your half-described by fascinating career, or just the lingering look in your eye)...

And you MUST TOUCH her. It may be as simple as a handshake or high five, or a brush of the shoulder to make a funny point, or an outstretched hand which she takes in getting out of the cab.

Find your sense of mysteriousness, and find a reason to establish TOUCH, and no matter who you are, or who she is, what course your story together takes, or risks ending, you have indeed had a totally successful First Date.

Author's Bio: 

Paul Dobransky, M.D. is a board-certified psychiatrist, public speaker and relationship expert who has treated more than 10,000 patients in 15+ years in clinical psychiatric care. Journalists and clients worldwide have sought Dr. Paul's advice on dating, relationships and all aspects of human psychology.

Dr. Paul pioneered MindOS, a new, patent-pending approach to understanding relationships, mood problems and stress. MindOS synthesizes all schools of therapy into a single, effective system-based approach that uses plain language to help people understand psychology and solve problems. Go to http://www.menspsychology.com/ to learn more.