What Is the Best that You Can Do When Wanting to Help Your Friend?

Introduction

There are those who, when confronted with a crisis situation or with a need to change something, get into a “helpless” state of mind. They feel they don’t have control over their lives, that they can’t make decisions and move forward. They might feel stuck in whichever situation and/or state-of-mind they are, yet still not have the courage and/or the motivation to make a change. You might then wish to intervene, help them move forward and make a change. But can you indeed help them? Would they accept your help?

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Connotations of “Friendship”

Friendship might have different connotations: someone to be with; spend time with; talk about issues – both personal and professional; travel around the world with; go to movies and restaurants with; share a reading club with, and so on and so forth.

Whichever connotations best represent your view of “friendship”, the following few lines from an unknown author say it all:

“What is a friend? I’ll tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can go naked with her. She* seems to ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you really are.”

* “She” in this article connotes “she” or “he”.

Helping Your Friend Move Forward and Change

Good friendship also implies that, when necessary, you can help your friend with whatever professional and/or personal issues she struggles with (if she asks you for such help). In this respect, your can help your friend in the following 9 aspects:

1. Move from less trust in herself to more self-trust;

2. Move from less self-acceptance to more self-acceptance;

3. Move from less self-awareness to more self-awareness.

4. Move away from meeting expectations of others to meeting her own expectations.

5. Move away from always pleasing others toward pleasing herself (and/or being more assertive about what is and isn’t right for her).

6. Move towards increased self-pride and confidence in making her own decisions and choices.

7. Move away from “ought” and “should” to “want” and “desire” .

8. Move away from what she thinks others want her to do to doing things she wants to do.

9. Become more aware and sensitive to her inner feelings.

All in all, you can help your friend gain a renewed feeling of self-worth. Keep in mind, however, that such a process of moving away from something towards something else is not an easy process. Your friend might be afraid from such a move; might doubt her strength to doing so; might doubt she needs it at all, and might reject your attempts at helping her.

The Fear of Change

As much as you love your friend and wish wholeheartedly to help her, usually you can not “force” her to change. The fear of change is often greater than her motivation to change. And as much as you might believe that change is good and essential for her, as long as she rejects taking the necessary steps leading to change you can do nothing about it and can’t help her.

Therefore, as much as you may want to help your friend; as much as you can see how stuck she is; as much as you think that your advice and help can move her forward, whatever you do to help her; whichever discussions on the topic you have with her; whichever insight you try to give her; whichever examples from her own life you being forward – as long as she is unwilling and afraid to make a move, there is no way you can help her.

You might feel sad seeing her in whichever situation she is; sad seeing she repeats same damaging behaviors time and again; sad seeing how happier she could have been if… But helping your friend, at times, means only that you can let her feel that you are with her; loving her, caring for her.

This might be all you can do. And this, by itself, can be of great help for her.