One of the biggest problems in relationships is the lack of a true connection.

What is a true connection?

It is a desire to be with someone, because you want to share yourself with them and you want them to share themselves with you, too. A true connection is what intimacy is all about.

The experience of sharing is so gratifying that you look forward to being with each other. You look forward to sharing what you are thinking, feeling and wanting in your love relationship, and in your life.

Disconnected behavior in love relationships can sometimes look like the following: affairs, addictions to porn, drugs, alcoholism or workaholism, emotionally too close to an opposite sex friend, or too involved with a
hobby or some activity. You will feel lonely when intimacy is lacking in your love relationship.

The real underlying problem with disconnected behavior is a lack of connection with yourself. Couples who are disconnected find each other. If your partner is disconnected, then you can be sure you are, too.

This means that you lacked the kind of support and nurturing from your parents or primary caregivers that would have allowed you to become an adult who trusts closeness, and who can give and receive love freely or without fear.

Please take a moment right now to think about the truth of this idea. Did you grow up without true loving support and nurturing from your caregivers? If the answer is yes, please don't try to deny the pain and anguish you experienced as a child. Your body remembers what happened, and you will undoubtedly have
relationship problems until you heal your childhood wounds.

You had to adapt your behavior to survive your childhood circumstances, and your adapted behavior will undoubtedly not include many skills to build intimacy, so
that you can enjoy a true connection today, as an adult.

Yes, the solution is healing your broken heart. When children don't get the support and nurturing they truly need, their hearts are broken. I am so sorry that your heart has been broken, like mine was when I was a little girl. I can understand your pain and frustration with love and life, and I can assure you, you can heal your childhood wounds so you can have a true connection today with the love of your life.

Please start with changing your belief about yourself. Do you believe you are lovable? If not, work on changing this belief to yes, I am lovable.

I didn't even know I could change anything about my life until I was in my 30's. That was when I began a very serious change process that undid alot of the abuse I suffered through, as a child.

You can transform your suffering too into joy and happiness, by learning how to love yourself. When you love yourself, you devote your energy to meeting your needs. You put yourself first, and then you are in a great position to give
love to your partner, instead of needing love to feel okay about yourself.

You can turn your love relationship into a true connection by loving yourself.

Please don't let another day go by without working on healing your broken heart.
By doing this, you can learn to reach out and connect with your partner,
instead of demanding that he or she do something you can't even do yourself.

You deserve to be loved and to love with total trust and commitment.
It will fill your body, mind and soul with pure joy, and contentment. You will feel secure, and happy beyond your wildest dreams, if you truly give yourself permission to love yourself.

Healing your broken heart is something you can do as an adult, because you now have the mental capacity to understand that what happened to you was not your fault. And loving yourself is something that will change every aspect of your life for the better.

A true connection with your partner is a need, not a luxury that some people get to have, but not you. You deserve a true connection. It is your birthright to love and be loved, and to feel the joy and happiness that comes from a true connection.

I wish you much joy and happiness on your journey to self-love.

Author's Bio: 

I am Sandra Dawson, MA, Your Love Relationship and Trauma Coach, and if you would like to learn more about how to love yourself, you can sign-up for my "Love Yourself Now" free weekly eNewsletter by going here:
My mission in life is to increase love on our planet and I am here to help you remove whatever obstacles are blocking you from truly loving yourself and believing in yourself.

Additional Resources on Intimacy can be found at:

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Sandra Dawson, The Official Guide to Intimacy