It is often believed that self-esteem is the defining factor when it comes to how someone experiences life. So, if someone has a good amount of it there life will be fulfilling; whereas if they don’t their life won’t be.

On one side will be someone who is living a life that is deeply rewarding, while on the other will be someone who is simply going through the motions. One of them will be living in heaven and the other will be living in hell.

A Snapshot

A person with a good amount of self-esteem will most likely have the tendency to feel good about themselves, to go after their dreams, to have people in their life who are supportive, and to look after their body, for instance. Ultimately, they will be their own best friend, and this is why they won’t undermine themselves.

Still, that’s not to say that they will never have a ‘negative’ thought or feeling; what it means is that they won’t have the inclination to get caught up in any negativity that arises within them. This will allow them to use most of their energy to move forwards and to make their life better.

A Bleak Existence

A person with no self-esteem – or a minimal amount – will most likely have the tendency to feel bad about themselves. Not only this, they probably won’t go after their dreams, their life may be full of people who try to bring them down, and they might neglect their health.

They are then not going to be their own best friend and this will open them up to being undermined by other people. If they do feel good about themselves, it probably won’t be long until this emotional experience soon passes.

Wasting Energy

The energy that they could use to improve their life will be channelled into doing just about everything they can to make their life harder. Thus, even if the negative people in their life were to disappear, they would still have to put up with their own negativity.

With this in mind, it will be essential for them to do whatever they can do improve their self-esteem. In the same way that energy will enable a phone to function after it has run out; self-esteem will be what will allow them to function at their best.

One Part

It is undoubtedly important for someone of feel good about themselves; feeling bad all the time won’t do them any favours. But, it would be inaccurate to say that self-esteem is the only ingredient that is needed in order for someone to live a fulfilling life.

Another vital component will be for someone to feel as though it is safe enough for them to exist. If this isn’t in place, it can be more or less impossible for them to express who they are on this planet.

A Relationship

This is tantamount to how a car won’t be able to go anywhere unless the wheels are functioning. If the wheels are all working and the tires are pumped up, the car will be able to be used.

What this comes down to is that a human beings greatest need is to survive - nothing more, nothing less. Therefore, when someone feels as though it is safe enough for them to be here, it will allow them to express their ‘higher’ needs.


When this component is not in place, it won’t be enough for someone to simply increase their self-esteem. Part of them will feel as though they deserve something, but another part of them won’t feel safe enough to allow them to take the next step.

Conversely, they may be able to achieve certain things, only for what they achieve to fall to pieces shortly afterwards. If they are unaware of what is going on within them, it can seem as though something ‘out there’ is trying to hold them back.

The Priority

Another thing that can take place when someone doesn’t feel safe enough to exist is that their whole life can revolve around their need to be safe. Self-expression will go out of the window and self-preservation will be the main focus.

This is going to mean that they will be more interested in pleasing others than themselves, and this may cause them to come across as easy going and passive. It will be as if they are merely an extension of others.

A Predictable Life

Pleasing others will be a way for them to try to make sure that they are not harmed by others. Spending a fair amount of time in their own company can be another way for them to fulfil this need.

Their life might be very ritualistic, too, with them doing the same things day in, day out. Living life is this way is rarely going to allow them to experience anything new or different, resulting in a monotonous existence, but, what it will be do is provide them with the stability that they lack internally and it will be what is familiar – with what is familiar being seen as what is safe to the mind.

What’s going on?

Someone like this is going to be stuck in survival mode – their reptile (lizard) brain will have taken over. This could be due to what has happened in their adult life or it could go back to what took place at the beginning of their life.

If it relates to the latter, it could be a sign that they were abused and/or neglected as a child. This would have been a time in their life when it wasn’t safe enough for them to exist – to allow their feet to touch the ground.


These experiences would have had an effect on their body and mind, and they will most likely still be carrying the trauma that they experienced all those years ago. It will be vital for them to deal with the trauma that is within them if they want to transform their life.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. With the right support, they will be able to gradually resolve the trauma that is within them and to develop the ability to trust life.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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