On one side, there is information outside of someone, and, on the other, there is information inside them. However, if they don’t have a strong connection with their body, they are going to have limited access to the information inside them.

In general, then, a number of their needs and feelings are likely to be a mystery to them. The reason for this is that most of their needs and feelings will be found in their body, not their head.

Outer Directed

Furthermore, in the place of a connected or embodied self is likely to be a disconnected or disembodied false self. So, without a strong connection to themselves, they will look toward others when it comes to what they should or shouldn’t do.

How they feel can also largely be defined by how others feel and what is going on around them. This can just be what naturally takes place as opposed to how they are consciously choosing to live their life.

An Unfulfilling Existence

Living in this way is unlikely to allow them to feel deeply fulfilled and experience joy but it could just be what is normal. As a result of this, they are unlikely to look into what they can do to change their life.

Still, as they live life in this way, they are likely to often feel angry, frustrated, down and perhaps deeply depressed. But, as they are not aware of why this is, they could put it down to them simply suffering from depression, for instance.

One Area

When it comes to what they do for a living, this could be something that simply pays the bills or it could pay very well. If it pays very well, it doesn’t mean that it will be a fulfilling job but it could allow them to be seen as successful.

The feedback that they receive from others will probably pump up their ego but it is unlikely to uplift their heart. Yet, as they don’t have a strong connection with themselves, the dissatisfaction that they might often experience could just be put done to them not having achieved the level of success that they desire.

Another Area

As for their relationships, a number of their friends could see them as an extension of themselves. If so, when they are around someone like this, they could merge with the other person and fulfil their needs.

They are then not going to act like an individual and the other person won’t know who they really are. This is going to be how they behave in general and thus, will be the rule, not the exception.

A Broken connection

If they were able to mentally detach from what is going on and reflect on their life, they could wonder why they don’t have a strong connection with their needs and feelings and are not rooted in their body. What could stand out is that focusing on what is going on externally and going along with what others want, whilst ignoring themselves feels comfortable.

In fact, what they could find they are generally unaware of what their feelings and needs are and even if they do connect to them, they might not believe that these two elements have any importance. They might find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

What’s going on?

What this may illustrate is that their formative years were a time when they were deprived of the nutrients that they needed to stay connected to and express their true self. This may have been a time when they were abused and neglected.

First, being treated in this way would have meant that it was too painful for them to be in their body and, second, their feelings and needs would have seldom been acknowledged, let alone met. These experiences would have alienated them from their true self and caused them to treat their needs and feelings in the same way as their parent or parents did – as things that had no importance.

Greatly Undermined

What this shows is that while one may have been born connected to their true self, to stay connected to it and for their sense of self to blossom, they needed parents who were able to attune to them and provide them with the nutrients that they need to grow and develop. As this didn’t take place, their physical and mental self would have grown, but their emotional self wouldn’t have.

To parents who lacked the ability to truly be there for them and saw them as an object that was there to serve their needs, not an individual that had their own needs and feelings, their needs and feelings would have been seen as an inconvenience. After a while, though, these elements would have soon been covered up and even when they were expressed, they might have typically been ignored.

Their Reality

Their needs, feelings, wants and preferences, so their true self, are both important and what will allow them to act like an individual. For them to live a life that is worth living, it will be essential for them to be connected to, feel comfortable with and express these elements.

For this to take place, they are likely to have a lot of arousal and a number of emotional wounds to work. This arousal and emotional wounds will make it hard for them to stay connected to their body, feel comfortable with their needs and feelings and feel safe enough to express themselves.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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