We all have insecurities of some sort but when it takes a toll on our relationships, it becomes burdensome.
You may have finally met the man of your dreams but it seems you cannot put your fingers on.
It turns out he is always defensive or sensitive and has answers or excuses for everything you suggest you both do. He may also lie to you about some things, thinking that if you know, he will let his ego down. This may end up affecting your relationship.
This is a sign that his insecurities are more dominant than you know. Here are top three reasons why men are insecure:
He has had a painful childhood past
Men hardly talk about their pain but display their ego as a form of defense mechanism to protect themselves. He may have grown up in an environment where no one showed or shared love with him.
He may have watched their parents separate or divorce or even have brawls and exchanged words. This may have occurred repeatedly and he feels a form of rejection/neglect or think the argument or fight was because of him. It may also have been that his dad had different women in his life or he had watched his mother try to get even which resulted in him getting the needed attention from either parent. Since men tend to hold in emotions, the man in the picture may not have had anyone to confide him or sought help to comfort him from all the pain of watching his parents’ lifestyles. He has carried all the pain along into adulthood and has now developed lack of trust for any woman he comes to meet (if it happens that his mother let him down). Such men tend to become defensive or sensitive once, you both start to get comfortable or closer with/to each other.
An ex-girlfriend or ex-wife rejected or cheated on him
Men do have emotions just like women, but try hard not to show that side of them, so they do not seem weak to women. Some men do not handle rejection very well. It either can awaken the ego in them (in defense) or can tear them further apart (especially if they have gone through the motions silently). Not all men show or share what they are going through, except with only those very close to them, (the latter is may not apply to all men because men hardly want women to know when they are weak or vulnerable).
A man will entrust his all into a woman who meets and attends to his needs. However, when such a woman lets him down, he ends up becoming torn apart and feels betrayed.
He may sulk for days, may withdraw from the crowd, may go on a drinking binge or become a player. Due to the hurt, he carries and without seeking healing and forgiveness to move on, he starts to think every woman he comes across will hurt him. It takes a lot for a man to entrust so much to a woman and when let down, he may struggle with the ability to ever trust one again. Such men may have also experienced childhood pain and the rippling effects of both resulted in the increased level of insecurity.
Lack of self-confidence and self-love
A timid man will always seem overly confident to feel accepted by others. He may lack self-confidence and may not have experienced self-love. This makes it difficult for him to trust anyone and may result in him needing constant reassurance of your feelings for him. He may also behind his ego and when he notices that you are beginning to decode him, he starts to withdraw from you by asking for breaks at intervals in your relationship. Such men may have also experienced the first two reasons stated above which makes it worse. This may even lead to his not wanting to commit to a long-term relationship.
Ways to overcome these insecurities include taking the time to discuss all hidden issues from the past than avoiding them. Taking the time to deep and dive into each situation, healing and forgiving yourself as well as those who hurt you, will result in your gaining confidence and learning to trust again. Spend time discovering who you truly are, love and develop yourself. Learning to trust yourself first and making yourself a bit vulnerable will help you overcome pain from the past as well as your fears. It is not an easy process but it is better than holding on the pain that has no gain.
There will always be someone to love you and not rushing or choosing to become a player, will help you move forward in newness and live the life you so deserve. Holding pain in memory can distort your thinking process and break you down further. The quicker you get help if you cannot do it all alone, the better and faster you are able to overcome. You can get help by finding trusted friends you can confide in or by seeking professional assistance.

This article was originally published to: http://www.kemisogunle.com/dating/top-three-reasons-why-men-become-insec...

Author's Bio: 

Kemi Sogunle is a multi-award-winning author, international speaker, certified professional coach. Kemi supports singles (including divorcees) to find and love themselves after a broken relationship or divorce, identify their needs, understand what love is prior to starting a new relationship and find love again. She also works with married couples (with conflict resolution, intimacy and trust issues). She is also the Founder/CEO of the nonprofit organization (501c3), Love Not Hurt, an organization that promotes self-development, building healthier and stronger relationships while living with purpose.
She is dedicated to helping others transform their lives through self-development and growth, gaining knowledge and understanding of self-love and who they are before becoming involved in a relationship, find what works best and how to stay true to oneself while connecting with others to build solid relationships that will make their lives better not bitter. She believes that living truthfully is paramount to long-lasting relationships and healthy living.
Books Published
· Love, Sex, Lies and Reality
· Being Single: A State for the Fragile Heart
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