One of the biggest issues that couples face is that after the first few blissful months or years together we begin to see our partner’s flaws, the things we don’t like and the things that upset us and annoy us. When we initially fall in love it is with the feeling it gives us. We feel on top of the world when we are in love and without realizing it we soon become oblivious to the reality of what it really means to be living with another person who has issues, fears, problems and insecurities of their own.

This quote by Peter Devries couldn’t say it better “The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.”

So, what exactly does that mean and what is the difference between character and personality? Well, your personality is how people experience you, it’s the face you put on, it’s how people see you. Your character on the other hand is who you are when no one is watching. It’s the person you really are when you are alone or so relaxed with your partner that you start to let that side of you surface. An easy way to look at this is to go back to the traditional wedding vows which states ‘For better or worse.’ When people get married they see and experience ‘the better’ but it’s often not until a few months or years down the road that we can begin to experience ‘the worse’ For a couple to survive the worse, the first thing to do is just acknowledge it and be aware of it. Once you are aware of the situation you are in and remember the vows you pledged on your wedding day you can make a plan to get through it together. So, here’s 5 tips to help you move through the difficult times as a couple and not just survive but thrive. Hope you like them would love to hear your thoughts…

1. Using the law of reflection as the basis for this first step, when you look at your partner and see something that you really don’t like, stop and ask yourself, are they a reflection of me? Do I do that too? If so, look at changing your ways and then take a step back and see if they too start to change.

2. One of the reasons that many people fail to stay together is that they simply forget the vows they made; for better or for worse. Life is good yet its also really really hard at times. When we can be at peace with that simple fact we won’t feel like running away the minute we don’t like what we see. So, when the going gets tough, remind yourself of your vows, spend time thinking about your wedding day and remember that this ‘hard or difficult phase’ is just a phase and it will pass. Don’t be shy to get support either. Burying your head in the sand and hoping time will fix it is a mistake many divorced people deeply regret.

3. When things are hard and you feel like giving up try and focus on responding to a situation and not reacting. When we respond, especially if it’s a calm response we are generally moving forwards in the right direction. However as soon as we start firing out angry reactions what we will get is more angry reactions in response – and as we know, angry reactions do not generally work in our favour. So, remember to make it a habit of responding rather than reacting.

4. Another key thing to remember is that too often when we look at our partner and suddenly see all the things we don’t like about them we are in fact mirroring ourselves. What you will find if you look close enough is that what you don’t like in them is often something you don’t like about yourself. This can be hard to accept at first, if you dislike laziness, tightness, mess, lying, excessive drinking, eating or spending, have you done this before or been told it is unacceptable? Is it mirroring something. If this sounds like you then taking some time out to look inside yourself will give you some perspective on whether or not the issue is with them or with you, can work wonders.

5. Lastly, try focusing on something good, something you love about your partner. Visualize it in your mind. Feel how good it feels to feel that way. Remember all the times you felt amazing when they said something nice to you and when they surprised you or showed you how much they really cared. When you have got that feeling in your mind, magnify it, make it appear 10 times bigger, then do it again and then again. When you do this exercise you will start to feel so good that this feeling will radiate through you and come into contact not just with your partner but with everyone you spend time with. By radiating love and feeling so great you will start to notice that that feeling and love is coming right back at you, just like a boomerang.

I know in this article and previous ones, I mention self-reflection, that’s because we may not be able to change our spouse, but we can change our-self and by doing that transform our relationships. Many people who did the Save My Marriage Program online told me that it not only restored their marriage, but it was a personal fixing for them too. And, in fact, I think one of the unique aspects of the online program is that a person experiences personal growth within, I cover topics like breaking the cycle of negative thoughts, overcoming addictive patterns, anger management, affair recovery, healing past hurt and how to communicate more effectively etc.

If you’d like to experience a personal transformation or any of these topics speak to you. Register for the online course, you can join any time. Visit All you need to participate is internet access and the will to create a more loving home. It’s a 10-week program guaranteed to transform your marriage or your money back.

From my heart to yours, Nicola

P.S If you are struggling in your relationship right now and not sure what to do next. Message me and I will send you information on how to book your free 30 minute consultation. Where we can discuss your biggest obstacles to happiness and how to overcome them.

Author's Bio: 

Nicola Beer is an International Relationship & Divorce Coach who helps her clients find peace and create a new beginning after Marriage Breakdown and Divorce. This includes helping couples on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues once and for all, so that they can revive the love, passion, respect, and fun that's been missing.

As well as helping clients during and after Divorce to manage stress, create more income and adjust to new financial realities, redefine who they are, create a new social life, and when they are ready attract someone great. Nicola also runs 2 parenting programs that support children through and after divorce

Nicola has combined 11 years' experience helping people with emotional issues. This comprises 7 years private coaching and 4 years as a volunteer for the Samaritans where she supported callers dealing with any emotional distress. She is UK certified in Coaching, Grief Recovery for Adults and Children, NLP, Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis.

Nicola's passion to support people before, during and after divorce comes from her own childhood, where due to the stress of divorce her mother suffered a mental breakdown. As 1 of 5 children the divorce was devastating for her family and affected each of her family in different ways. More recently Nicola's older sister with 4 children is going through a difficult divorce. Having experienced and seen the pain and stress associated with divorce Nicola is focused on proving solutions. She knows divorce doesn't have to mean disaster and takes her clients and their children from surviving to thriving. She is equally passionate about saving marriages, so has a program to overcome relationship problems.

Nicola works with expats and locals, Muslims and Non-Muslims from all over the world, mainly from Dubai, London, India, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, either in person for a 2 day intensive package or further afield US, Australia via video conference and phone.