Does he like me or is he just being nice? I remember being so frustrated with dating because it seemed that some of the men I liked were sending me mixed signals. One man in particular seemed to have all the qualities I was looking for: good looking, respectful, a Christian with a heart for youth and overseas missions, a hard worker, and did I mention good looking? Some days he’d act like he was into me, while other days it seemed I was invisible to him. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was all a mystery to me. Before I came to the conclusion that he just didn’t know what he wanted, I wasted a lot of time.

Have you ever wondered what men really think about love? Or about women in particular? Have you wasted time trying to figure out what they want?

A couple of weeks ago I surveyed the men who are a part of our Facebook community. I, along with some of the women, was surprised with what they told me. (I’ve only used their initials to honor their privacy):

Aesha Adams-Roberts: Brothers help us out. What 3 things do you wish women knew about men that would help us treat you better?

MDR: That we don't think like you do. That we need to lead even though we know who really is in charge. And we hate to have things held against us even after we have apologized. 1, 2, and 3. I'm just saying... Fellas help me out here.

JW: That the tough exterior is just a front and the words you say to us do cut deep sometimes. 2nd, that it is nothing against you if I tell my mom something and not you, and third that when I'm quiet and not talking that's just what I want, it to be quiet with no talking. This is just how I feel :-)

GA: ‎1. Realize that if a man who "loves" you has revealed something to you that you necessarily didn't want to hear that it’s the closest thing to truth that he has ever told you. 2. We know you work hard raising the children and maintaining the home. We know how hard the work is, but make sure not to assume that men are getting a "break" or going on vacation when we head to work. We are working pretty hard, too and trying not to get fired. 3. Make sure home is a place that a man would want to come home to. No daily resentment for being away from home, no extra criticism for our shortcomings. Otherwise men will find somewhere else to go after work.

Does any of this surprise you? Be careful, because it’s easy to get defensive when a man shares his heart. But a BIG KEY to successfully finding your DREAM MAN is to develop LISTENING SKILLS. Learn how to listen to men without getting defensive, without judging, and without trying to prove your point. Just listen and you'll find out what's in his heart. As Ancient Wisdom says, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." If you'll listen, you'll find out who he really is!

Here are 3 Tips to find out what a man really thinks:

1. Study men (especially the one you’re dating). My very wise mother who has been married for over 30 years taught me this. Find out what they like and what they don’t like. Pay attention to their habits, their demeanor, and their reactions to you and others around them. Armed with this information you can quickly figure out if a man is Mr. Right or if he’s just pretending to be. Not only that, but you can stand out from all the other women in his life by focusing on what is important to him. This will make you irresistible to him!

2. Spy on men. Read books on love, dating, and marriage written for men. You’ll find out what they are being taught about women and what concerns them. If you’re really daring, go to a website offering dating advice for men, register for their newsletters by creating a fake (male) name, and study the tips given to them for 30 days. You’ll be surprised at how many men are looking for good women and want to know how to find them!

3. Talk to and listen to the men in your life. Ask your fathers, brothers, cousins, co-workers, and friends what they really think about relationships, about women, about life and about love. Don’t add in your opinion. Just listen. Ask yourself: What do all these men have in common? How does what they think differ from what I assumed about men? What changes can I make with how I treat the men I’m dating? Be sure to write down what you’ve learned in a journal.

Men have a lot of pressure on them to be the “Dream Man,” and we women expect a lot from them. But do you know what men really need? Are you ready to meet their needs? Find out what men really think and you’ll be well on your way to finding the love you've always dreamed of!

Author's Bio: 

Aesha Adams-Roberts, PhD, is a bestselling author, speaker, and communications expert. In her book, "Can I Help a Sister Out: How to Meet and Marry of Your Dreams" Dr. Adams-Roberts reveals the step-by-step secrets and strategies she used to meet and marry her husband in 11 short months. Her expertise is highly sought after by men and women, single and married couples alike.