Being confident in our own skin is important to our happiness. There are many causes for lack of confidence and low self-esteem, ranging from recurrent disapproval from adults in your formative years, being demeaned in front of others, and not to mention your own internal critic routinely chastising you.

Basically, it is not possible to feel confident if you are always giving yourself a tough time by slating your abilities. Do not accept the negative commentaries from your internal critic, or negative commentaries from other people. Remember, only you can discard any negative inner-talk and make it ineffective by changing it to being positive about your capabilities.

The question is how do you construct this awareness of stable self-confidence. The great news is that constructing self-confidence is reachable, as long as you have the concentration and willpower to go through the things you need to achieve it.

Below are three phases to achieving self-confidence.

Phase 1

The first phase comprises of getting yourself prepared for your passage to self-confidence. Be aware of where you are, contemplate about where you want to be, put yourself in the right attitude for your passage, and obligate yourself to remaining with what you want.

Five things to do when arranging for your passage to self-confidence:

1. Reflect on your lifetime, and write down ten goals you have accomplished. It could be anything that has made you feel good about yourself in the past.

2. Think about what you are good at. We are all good at something. It could be anything from being able to drive to being a great cook.

3. Know what is important to you and where you want to be in the future. This means setting your goals and seeing what you want clearly in your mind. Go for one goal at a time and ensure you achieve that goal before going to another. It is important you learn how to set out well-formed outcomes for your goals or you will not reach them.

4. Look into yourself and identify any negatives that creep into your mind. We all have negative self-talk that is how we talk ourselves out of achieving what we want. When it creeps in ignore it and carry on with your goal setting.

5. Finely this part of arranging your passage is to be sure that you are really dedicated to your journey and you will do the utmost to realize it.

Phase 2

At this point it is where you begin, getting nearer your goal. When you have achieved your first goal you will feel much more confident. Observing your goals, classify the abilities you will need to accomplish them. Look at how you can obtain these abilities positively. Never agree to a vague answer. Always look for an answer that prepares you to realise what you want to accomplish. It is a good idea to start you first goal with something that gives you a qualification that you can be pleased with.

Beginning with the small goals you recognized in step 1, gets you into the routine of setting them, accomplishing them, and revelling in that triumph. Ensure that you do not make goals really challenging at this phase, just get into the routine of accomplishing them and revelling in them. Enjoy stacking up the achievements!

Learn to get to grips with failure that may occur, even the successful have failures. Admit that errors happen when you are attempting a new project. It is a good idea to treat mistakes as learning experiences. Think of mistakes as not failures but feedbacks and you will begin to see them as a valuable lesson in life.

Phase 3

You will now have completed some of the tasks from phase 2 and you will be happy with your successes. Now it is time to start making your goals a bit larger, and the tests harder. Remember do not get too over-confident; always be realistic in your goals and you will reach even the harder ones. As I mentioned in phase 1 always set your goals to have well-formed outcomes. Below is how to set your goals to have well-formed outcomes or smart goals as they are known as.

Well-formed outcomes or smart goals

1. Goals should be specific. Know exactly what you want, i.e. "I want to learn tap dancing."

2. Measure your progress, i.e. Say your tap dance teacher teaches you A step each week and you have to learn it before the week is out so you can show your teacher at the next lesson that you have learnt it. By learning a step each week you are measuring your goal's progress.

3. They should be attainable. This means that you develop the attitude, capabilities, skills, financial capacity to reach your goals.

4. Your goals should be realistic this means do-able. For example if you come from a ghetto and you want to be an astronaut when you are an adult is not likely to happen because of the lack of education and money factor involved. Though,even if you are poor and uneducated you can reach big goals if you really want to. Charlie Chaplin came from the slums of South London and look what he achieved. Goal achieving is really all down to you and only you. Please note: It is important to remember that your goals should be stated for self only. This means that your goals should only be for you and no one else should be a factor in them.

5. Your goals should be timely. This means they should have a time limit. Example, "I want to be a confident tap dancer in May, 2012."

Being successful is not difficult as long as you keep on stretching yourself enough, at a reasonable pace, and you will find your self-confidence building up. So do not delay, go out into the big wide world and be that successful and confident person you know is in you!

Author's Bio: 

Belinda Daly is a certified master practitioner in NLP, Hypnosis and TLT. She has a degree in metaphysics. She currently runs a self help and spiritual development membership site with her brother Dion.

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