The way of the master - Being in, of and for love
Let’s discuss self-love. It’s the simple things we trip on, and skim over, in our dash for enlightenment. It’as a neglected part of our being and often the last place we look when we want a love “fix”. It certainly wasn’t trendy when I was at school to show any self-love. The, “I love me, who do you love?” and “she loves herself” attitude was pervasive and has to go.

Lack of self-love and worth is a major problem light workers face, and need to overcome, to embrace our puzzle pieces and get our hearts singing.

Self-love is getting in touch with the God within

No matter how much love we already have, we all want to be loved. Those who say they don’t are frightened. The love experience is infinite. There is no ceiling to bump against; no love tank gets too full. If you want anyone else to fall in love with you, you must first fall in love with yourself. If you cannot love yourself you cannot love anyone else. Taking it up a notch, you have to love yourself to love God. You won’t truly feel God’s love if you don’t love yourself. By loving yourself you make yourself a safe host for spirit.

Waiting for others to love you first, so that you can love yourself, puts the cart before the horse. It’s arrogant to expect someone else to love you when you can’t muster the courage to love yourself. How much time do you spend going on love hunting expeditions outside? How often do you seek approval from others?

We slap a coat of paint on our shop front to cover a blemish. Others pick up what’s inside. If we feel lack inside; we emanate lack and form co-dependent relationships, because we are dependent on others loving us to feel good. This creates attachment. If you feel you don’t measure up to society or peers, you’re going to hold yourself in contempt and this creates a vicious circle. Any lack of self-love blocks love that would otherwise be yours.

This all buys you a rollercoaster ride, because everything happening around you affects your self-love barometer. If the person you look to for your love “hit” has a bad hair day, you end up having a bad hair day too. It ripples out. If the person at the checkout frowns because she’s off colour, you also feel bad. Who’s driving your love bus?

You can’t grow until you accept where you are now. When people come to me with a problem– poor health, money issues, dodgy relationships, or unhappy work situations– I first get them to work on loving themselves. When you really love, accept and approve of yourself exactly as you are, everything in life works. That means loving the feet you think are too big, the nose that’s too long and the legs that are too short. Can you stand naked in front of the mirror, with the lights on, and love everything about you? When you really get this you will be operate from the 4th dimension that is characterised by flow, where little miracles unfold everywhere.

Without love, life is empty. Love influences everything. Whatever you want to be and do involves relationships. We are all related, linked, as living centres of life. It’s vital to work on your relationships and it’s best to start with a “romance with yourself”.

The simple secret is to make self-love a given-- just as you beat your heart and breathe

In my work, I have observed people’s self-love swinging depending on what’s going on in their life. They get a rise at work and they love themselves. So-and-so didn’t phone, so they don’t love themselves. That’s faulty thinking. It’s taking life way too personally. What others think of us is none of our business. Detach your love for yourself from all the phenomena in your life. These phenomena are opportunities to learn and grow and have no right to affect your self-love and are no excuse to beat yourself up. Before you get out of bed and before you go to sleep, check your self- love barometer. If you are not in love with yourself, regardless of what’s going on, make the necessary adjustments. It’s your divine right.

Improvement requires fundamental changes in behaviour. Doing things for others, so that they will love you, so that you can love yourself, is not going to mow the lawn. Thinking about love gives you another beautiful theory to head-trip-- nothing more than mental masturbation. You have to really feel love.

It boils down to two emotions we can feel: love or fear. If you say, “I am unworthy,” what you really are saying is, “I am more comfortable with fear than love.” You can come up with amazing reasons to justify this, but the truth is you would rather embrace fear in your life. You need to understand how you can expand your capacity to be in, of and for love.

Everything we say, think, feel and choose comes from fear or love. Alchemy is simply raising the vibration of fear into love.

We can’t feel fear and love at the same time; they are not opposites, just different in degree. Fear is operating from our lower self. Love is operating from our higher, self-actualised self. Like on a thermometer, fear or frozen love when raised in vibration becomes conditional love, then unconditional love (love given freely without expectation of return) then compassion and gratitude. We can live in fear and kick, scream and drag through life suffering or choose love and walk through with our heart singing and enjoy.

To be love in each and every moment takes practise. It means living in a way where you don’t betray yourself. It comes from living by your truth and taking responsibility for the life you are creating. Follow the voice of your own heart. When stuff happens, your own love provides an inner strength and serenity that places you in the eye of the storm. Instead of seeing love as a by-product of your life, view your life as the reward of love.

The inner critic dynamic hinders our self-love. The inner critic scans the horizon and monitors for perceived threat of criticism. Then, the inner critic turns in and criticises you, beats you up, more intensely than the potential for criticism from outside. The way this is supposed to work is, if you criticise yourself hard enough, any outside criticism isn’t going to hurt. But, you really end up extinguishing your self-esteem. You compensate with drugs, food and sex addictions etc. When you de-energising the inner critic problems with food and weight etc usually start to disappear. Most obsessive, compulsive addictive behaviour is associated with an inner critic.

The key is to love the unlovable. When you love yourself hard, fear melts. Learn to love everything about you, just as much as you love your dog, cat, children, grandchildren, garden or nature.

All good springs from love

The greatest joy in life is to love. Love has an extraordinary effect; your eyes twinkle, your skin glows, your heart sings and you radiate happiness. People who love themselves and their bodies don’t abuse, they treat themselves, others and the environment with reverence. At all times ensure you are in love with yourself, in of and for love, in service to all that is. Love is God and God is love. God is within all that is. God is within me. God within grow strong. May love restore the balance.

Author's Bio: 

Jenny Parker has studied the healing process and accelerated human change for over 25 years. This knowing and wisdom is put to good use with people worldwide in her work as a coach and mentor, teacher, writer and inspirational speaker. For more info go to or email