In this busy age when we’re always pressed for time, people have forgotten what it’s like to touch each other just for the pleasure of it. Even if that opportunity arises, the tendency is to get caught up over ejaculatory orgasms. Admittedly, ejaculatory orgasm produces intense pleasure, but unless it is built up slowly with conscious touch it is more like a sneeze in the groin, a release of built up tension, than a deeply satisfying experience that “makes love grow” (love making).

Unfortunately for many people a sex encounter becomes more a mutual masturbation than a real love building experience.

Tantra invites us to take time to thoroughly touch each other to increase arousal across the entire body. Your conscious touch stirs up energy in the form of weak electronic waves that start flowing, continuing to build up until they become larger waves that encompass the entire body. The pleasure waves increase the flow of happy hormones that help open up both the heart and the flow of sexual energy.
When I say conscious I mean that you are not thinking of something else. Your attention is fully on your lover, how they breathe and how they take in your touch. If the receiver holds her or his breath and seems to be into her own thinking you might ask if they would like a softer or stronger, slower or faster touch, depending on how you are touching them when you see them “disconnect” from what is happening.

This question will get their attention back and you will get a chance to give them the touch they desire. Sometimes we tend to touch how we want to be touched instead of tuning in and seeing how our lover would like it.

Our skin is our biggest organ and needs caring love and attention. But the Tantric touch goes deeper than the skin. When you put your intention together with your breath you can feel all the muscles sucking in that attention, which goes all the way down to the bones. Yes, bones need love and attention, too, and that can be done even without having to use deep tissue massage strokes.

Your intention connected with your breath is very powerful and can penetrate quite deeply to touch and heal.

Tantric people know that touching a lover does not always have to end in ejaculation. Touch is both sensuous and healing. The most obvious emissaries of love are our arms and the focal points from which love flows are the palms. So when we touch our loved ones we help them heal from any pain or disappointment they might have experienced during the day and feel that life is worth living just to be touched by you.

Many women tell me that they often cringe when their men starts touching them because they know it will end up in intercourse and they might not be in the mood for it. To prevent this from happening I am inviting men to set up a “just touching” time with your beloved. And I recommend that when even when she gets all excited you keep your agreement of “just touching” during that time. If you do that several times you will build up trust that you are keeping your word and she will start being touched with joy anytime you do so.

And I promise you that both of you will have an incredibly great time touching and making love.

Author's Bio: 

Carla Tara is the official guide to Tantra on and is well known as a master in the world of Tantra. Over the last 20 years she has helped literally thousands of people gain greater sexual fulfillment, expand their capacity for love, heal old wounds, and deepen the loving connections in their relationships.