The Illusion of a Picture-Perfect Marriage: How to Know When Yours Is Maturing

While I enjoy the movies, I get sick and tired of seeing marriage portrayed as a perfect relationship, where nothing’s ever wrong. Marriages portrayed on the Silver Screen are fairytale perfect: the couple is happy, healthy, never has anything wrong with them, and seems to have everything going for them. Behind the scenes, it may be a different story.

In this article I will lay out several targets that may be impossible to hit every time, but are worth shooting for in our attempt to attain that perfect marriage that evades us “mere mortals.”

Do you have a relationship that’s worth fighting for? How you handle conflict in your marriage may be a sure sign, one way or the other. In the perfect marriage conflict doesn’t even exist. For everyone else, a healthy marriage reflects a healthy way of handling conflict. In your relationship, does conflict entail heading to battle stations and preparing for warfare, including heated arguments, defending your position which is always right, raising voices, and then stomping off if you don’t get your way? If so, it’s time to change your tactics. When you do, you’ll find that your home is not only much more peaceful, but welcoming as well.

Spouses come in all shapes, sizes, interests, and backgrounds. It’s only natural. And, unless your far superior to the average couple, you’ll always have some type of conflict in your marriage. But, conflict doesn’t have to be such a big deal. When it happens, let go of defending yourself or your position. Be open to truly hear what your partner has to say and make every attempt to understand where they’re coming from. Then you’ll have a better chance at arriving at a mutually-beneficial compromise that works for both of you.

Pain and hurt is often the price you pay for any relationship, marital or otherwise. Unfortunately, there’s no way of escaping it. Only perfect couples never hurt each other – and I’ve not met one yet. For the rest of us, it may seem that every day we hurt our spouse, despite our well-meaning intentions. When that occurs, healing needs to take place.

Without out it, anger, bitterness, and resentment will take root and grow, eventually poisoning your relationship. To avoid going down that road, choose to seek and give forgiveness. If you sense something has come between you, ask your spouse if you’ve done something that has offended him or her. After you’re done listening, apologize, communicating your true intention (not to hurt them) and ask forgiveness.

When it comes to conflict, it’s easier for spouses to just ignore each other and agree to get along by avoiding any type of interaction or conversation at all. Handling communication with your spouse in a mature manner is another target worth shooting for. Healthy couples confront conflict, seeking to understand the others feelings, and actually listening to what is being said.

Instead of waiting impatiently for your spouse to shut up so that you can say what really needs to be said, take an interest in understanding their point. You may find that once you do, your spouse is right more often than you think. And the respect you convey to your spouse may be what’s needed to break down the barrier to his or her heart.

Letting go of the illusion of a perfect marriage and attempting to shoot for a healthy marriage – characterized by one where: conflict is resolved in a mature manner, communication respects both partners, and hurts are handled by giving and receiving forgiveness – is a sure recipe for success.