The Good, The Bad, and the Beautiful

Every day of our lives we are confronted with the good and the bad. Our work, our friendships, commute, relationships, everything has its ups and downs. When in a relationship, whether it is a marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend, we can be flooded with warm feelings that make us secure and feel great. It is important to remember those feelings when the downs come. No matter how perfect the relationship is, there will be moments that can bring you down. If you are lucky enough to have someone to share your life and love with, you should not let the little things get to you. And if we really look at everything as a whole in the world, everything is just a little thing. Of course you may have feelings of anger or sadness, or any of the other many feelings that come to pass through our lives, we still have the power to determine how we handle those feelings.

Never should you bury those feelings deep inside you. Storing those feelings away inside you may calm the tide at the moment, but the more we bury, the more it all piles up until we explode. When we explode upon our loved ones, they will typically have no clue what the real issue is. In fact you may not either. The real issues are those that have accumulated over the years of storage, and not usually the one that triggered the final event at hand. How can either of you heal the wounds when neither of you know what is hurting.
Confront your feelings as they come. If you need to cool off, take a moment to collect your thoughts. Once you are calm, sit down with your partner and discuss those feelings. Give each other a chance to be open and understand the discussion. Coming at someone in a manner that gives them no option will do no one any good, and will instead cause a larger separation or rift in the relationship. Instead be tactful in your approach. Things like you never do this anymore… or I hate it when you do that… are not effective communication methods. Instead try something less confronting like. I can remember how great it felt when you did this. OR When you do this, it makes me feel a little unappreciated. This way your partner can see not only what you are not liking, but they can see a way to correct the issue before it becomes something destructive to the bond you have.

I have to make a statement at this point. Some things can not be corrected unfortunately. Sometimes it may be best to end a relationship to better both people involved things like infidelity, betrayal, and spousal abuse, for example, are not acceptable in a loving monogamous relationship. If you can not trust your partner, then it is no longer a partnership. Never stay in a situation where you are in danger. Seek help if it is a physical or mental abuse issue. If you find yourself in those types of relationships frequently, then you need to take a closer look at yourself as to why you are attracting those partners to you. If you and your partner experience that once, it is very likely you will experience it again. Get help immediately, or end the relationship and move on with your lives.

If you are serious about the partnership you have, then other than the dysfunctional issues mention earlier ( or other serious issues not mentioned) you can learn and overcome any issue you come across together. It is easy to give up and move on, but the easy path is typically not the most rewarding. No one ever said a relationship is easy. But the road less traveled is full of beautiful and rewarding things. Which is why a healthy relationship, while can be difficult at times, can seem like a breath of fresh air. The comfort of knowing you have something special with someone who feels the same for you is immeasurable. The satisfaction of being part of a beautiful relationship is hard to describe. So remember to not let the little things build up. Don’t let little things ruin something wonderful.

Discuss what you need to. Forget what you don’t need to discuss. Think of the beauty you hold in your heart. Hold your sweetheart tightly when you see each other as often as possible. Kiss often and tell each other you love each other, don’t assume the other knows. Show them you love them. Make love and be passionate often. And most of all, allow yourself to be happy. Don’t look for things to be unhappy about. Those things will come up without your help if they exist, and then you can discuss them together. Be open and receptive to what your partner gives and shares with you. Be giving and generous with your partner and you may find yourself looking back at all the years together smiling at the beautiful and wonderful things you got to share together as one.