As I’ve written before, one of the reasons some couples’ relationships deteriorate over time is because the partners get lured by life away from their partner…

Partners work hard at their jobs and become involved in their careers, children absorb much of their attention and a multitude of life maintenance tasks drain their energy. Compound this with “poor relationship skill” and the fact that most relationships get stuck in the “power struggle” stage of relationships, and we have a formula for disaster!

I hear quite frequently how couples “don’t have time” to spend together, be with each other, enjoy each other’s company, have time to have chats, catch up and process, and plainly do fun things together. This is a very common experience. I think that a lot of us in general feel we “don’t have enough time”.

Therefore, I’ve become a student of “time”. I have been significantly more aware and attuned to time, how I use it, structure it, experience it, and of course even misuse it. In this quest I”ve also done some reading on the topic. A book I found very interesting is called: “Unwinding the Clock: Ten Thoughts on Our Relationship to Time”.

I would like to share with you a concept I became alerted to, that of divided and undivided time. Remember when we you were a kid and summers appeared endless? The reason for that was that time was undivided. The summer was a long string of connected days. Now as adults, we chunk up time into small units into which we fit frenzy activity. We have lost the idea of unstructured, unscheduled, unobstructed time where being, creating, and connecting with nature, others and life were the primary goals.

I would like to bring this back into our lives. Granted we can not generally have a string of days of unscheduled and unstructured time, we even slice up and over schedule time when we are on vacation!, as we would not fit in the structure of our society, but we can bring it into our lives as much as possible.

What I’m suggesting is “chunking” time into as large amounts of time as possible. This alters your experience of time. Assign projects and theme tasks to larger chunks of time as opposed to constantly or frequently moving from activity to activity and experiencing time fly by. When you can get lost in a larger frame and settle into yourself, you’ll feel less rushed, more available and in touch, creative, energetic, and alive!

I have experienced this myself and try to recreate it on a daily basis as much as possible. Note, that the nature of my work, seeing clients on a 45 minute schedule, is counter indicative to this goal. Moving from client to client all day long makes time go by extremely fast. So, I apply this “chunking” concept to my other work days so I have larger portions of time – in essence more time! In that created time I can be more creative and productive and not experience “lose of time”.

Imagine instead that I had clients all over the map, and left the in-between time to get things done. I would never have enough time to get anything of any worth accomplished aside from insignificant tasks and putting out fires. You see there is not enough time in in-between time for us to get settled, be and tap into ourselves to imagine, create, and produce. This is how we waste our lives.

A related concept I want to visit is that of undisturbed time. Keeping interruptions and distractions to a minimum or nonexistent in our moments, makes our moments feel longer. Did you ever notice that waiting on line at the market or doctor’s office feels interminable unless you are on your cell phone or reading and therefore distracted from your moment?

Having time is a frame of mind. We all have 24 hours in the day. We all have lots we do, and even more we want to do. Yet, some people get a lot more done than others, feel more satisfied and don’t walk around feeling frazzled, rushed, stressed and like life is passing them by. The secret lies in not being distracted from your moments. You will have all the time in the world when you live your time.

I’m inviting you to create bigger chunks of time and undisturbed moments in your routine, lifestyle, and interactions. This will bring a more present, aware, open, energetic, and alive you to your projects and moments. Imagine what an enhanced and available you can come in contact with your partner and in a much more conducive context: The universe is the limit!!

Gain your time back and your partner. Stop passing each other by like ships in the night!

Happy Timing!!!

~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Ask your partner to pull his calendar out and together create chunks of couple time to be left undisturbed and open to be utilized as you fancy at the moment. No work, tasks or serious discussions allowed! Start early thinking of ways to “be” with your partner in preparation for when the moment arrives.

Author's Bio: 

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. We help couples create a radiant and authentic relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.