Don Henley got it right in “The Heart of the Matter,” which I will attribute credit to this article from the lyrics to this song. “All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again….” Listening to the words clearly brought my attention in clear focus, like God was trying to tell me something. It is often mind-boggling how God works. I mean, I’ve heard this song a million times before, as we all have, but it wasn’t until recently something inside stilled me. The more I really listened to the words did the picture adjust to clear focus.

He uses whatever method he knows will speak to you. Being musically/creatively inclined was Heaven’s way of stopping me dead in my tracks. When people fail to express love, it is a call for it. The Course in Miracles says that to “forgive is to GIVE ahead of time in that your attitude must be one of forgiveness no matter what comes into your awareness.”

“…I thought about the bad luck and the struggles we went through; how I lost me and you lost you…” [the ego doing its dirty work by projecting false masks and the reasons for conflicts is a result of not operating from our higher selves by communicating like we should. It is often said we hurt the ones we love most because of this].

“…The more I know, the less I understand and all the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again…” [Meaning the art of mastering concepts we know to be true yet necessary to practice again and again for them to fine tune second nature toward perfection. Otherwise, we will continue to suffer through repeating the same mistakes even though it is not what we intend.]

“…But I think it’s about Forgiveness…. Forgiveness, even if you don’t love me anymore…”

One may see an unfortunate need to separate from a relationship but it doesn’t mean love isn’t present. “…I’m learning to live without you, girl, but I miss you sometimes [baby…]” These lyrics sends chills up and down my spine. It is so bittersweet that it breaks my heart to listen to a song about the deep pain of separation. [Note: I should also make mention of Don’s song “The End of the Innocence,” another heart-breaking, tear-jerker about divorce and families splitting up.]

“Salvation is right-mindedness, which must be achieved before the one-mindedness of the Holy Spirit is achieved.” Really think about this – the REAL Heart of the Matter IS Forgiveness! REAL love holds no grievances (A Course in Miracles). Say what? Yes – Easy concept to read, not easy to practice. Especially when the world we live in is based on “form,” some seemingly tangible proof we are here in our physical bodies and what we see is real by way of incorporating instant gratification and lust for material things. The world we see is ruled by the ego. It is important to note that, despite the physical form any relationship takes, eternally connected in spirit.

“…These times are so uncertain, there’s a yearning undefined, people filled with rage... We all need a little tenderness, how can love survive in such a graceless age…”

The ego’s nature is “self-hatred for throwing away heaven that manifested a world of guilt and lack of peace that is seen outside of yourself, always connected in some way to other beings.” (The Course in Miracles) The ego loves to cut you down to size [Note: the “Dirty Laundry” song also by Don Henley]. When you forgive another you are really forgiving yourself for what is in your own mind. Your brother is a mirror image and reflection of yourself. This is why it is important for us to focus on our own lessons, not someone else’s.

The course says that “Fear binds the world. Forgiveness sets it free.” Our job is to focus on working on our lessons instead of trying to change the minds of others. Change your own mind instead and the world will transform before your eyes.

The words to this song [below] I’d like for you to really read them (you may as well pull out the MP3 player/CD player, etc. to achieve the maximal effect) and let the melody ring those nerves on fire while pondering how beautifully bittersweet the words to this song are:

“I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment [ego]
And beg for something more? [the ego is never satisfied]

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined [People searching for happiness and inner peace because without inner peace there can never be peace in the world. They do not know how to achieve it because of the self-hatred that pervades our society in various different forms – many of them deceitfully hidden]
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age [Not by the ego’s rules!]
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness [Comes from our “higher,” real selves]
They're the very things we kill, I guess [Typical Ego-mind!]
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms [Ego mind]
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm [The ego’s way of striving for monetary gain, forsaking the love that is truly important in life]

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes [Since the ego made the body, “bodies” change, not spirit]
And my friends seem to scatter [Everyone is eternally connected in spirit despite temporal bodily separation]
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness [The art of forgiveness frees you and the other person]
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

[What the ego mind wants you to hold onto believes it is justified in maintaining separation either by superiority, anger and guilt]

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak [Where the Holy Instant comes from because, in and of ourselves, do not have the will power]
And my thoughts seem to scatter [Ego mind struggling to hold onto its identity]
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak [The body in and of itself is nothing but the spirit of mind – the Holy Spirit that overcomes]
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore”

©1989 Written by Don Henley and Danny Kortchmar

For many years ran around in circles searching for love and could not find one shred of it. I meant well but didn’t even look in the right places and half the time unsure I knew what I was even looking for. First, you need to KNOW what it is before you can experience it. I thought I knew what it was and turned out, the complete opposite from how I was brought up to think which was unintentional, of course, because we all grew up with faulty perceptions about ourselves (what I mean is being brought up to view the world with fear). I expected someone to show me but most of the time they didn’t know any more than I did. Real love is all-encompassing – a genuine change of mind and heart, loving everyone as He loves; considering the ultimate best for a brother, even when it may not be what we want [In other words, complete relinquishment from what the ego tells you it wants and HAS to have at any cost to keep “specialness” and separation alive]. It could be letting someone go home, where they belong. You cannot have attachment for something that never belonged to you!

You may not be physically connected to a body but in spirit always. Everyone is connected in spirit to one another. We are all Sleeping Beauties in that, once the demons of the ego are slain, where love is resurrected, love can be seen with love’s eyes; the experience becomes magnificent – unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Your guides (angels) will direct you to a deep peace, contentment and personal fulfillment you didn’t know you had. They will lend you their wings until you’ve grown wings of your own to fly home. This is the process of change we are aiming for that will lead us to the warmth and constant happiness of eternal heaven.

This song touched a particularly strong cord in me because I was lucky having parents who stayed together in a deeply loving relationship all my life for which I am eternally thankful. The unfortunate truth is that many families do not experience that luxury. One thing I see far too often is divorce, broken homes and broken families. I realize there are times when that can’t be helped. Something about the words to this song bothered me in the presentation of its sobering message. It caught a snag in my heart. I’ve had a front row seat as witness to the damaging effects separation does to others and each time I listen to this song brings tears to my eyes.

Love is always present yet hidden because people fail to see themselves the way they should, or recognize what is most important in life, lack of communication which breaks down the freedom of expression and the love and intimacy that should be contained in that union. Instead, search for what they perceive is missing somewhere else. They act out their love with different bodies.

It was interesting to me viewing this program on the “OWN” Network called “Stories of Betrayal” on people who have affairs, noticed the number 1 reason couples stray was lack of communication. When you do not acknowledge your needs is where the breakdown originates because you are somehow afraid to express your feelings. Because of that fear (remember, fear breeds separation), ignore it by covering it with a band-aid somewhere else. The feeling of “lack” is an illusion because isn’t it true we never ASK for what we need. If we don’t ask for it, how can we receive it? Also keeping in mind that in reality the ego mind assumes you are lacking somewhere when you always have what you need. If we’ve failed it’s because we did not project the love by first, recognizing it in ourselves (meaning self-respect) and projecting it outward.

First, change begins in yourself. Forgive yourself for the lack of understanding or forgetting what you knew (deep in the right part of your consciousness); Forgive for forgetting to love yourself in order it be properly transmitted in your relationships or being too busy to acknowledge the key people in your life. As close knit as my family is, it is my view you’re your family should be number one on the list. It is no secret separation on any level is painful. It is very much like a part of your body was cut off which, in essence it is, because the body (flesh) is a tangible product of separation. Therefore important each of us learn to un-do the ego thought process in order to heal what the body separated. Otherwise, if you are going to go off and do your own thing, what are you there for? Relationships weren’t designed for us to co-habitate together yet dance by ourselves. What kind of party is that? In fact, be surprised that God ordains togetherness to achieve that complete “oneness” he envisions for us, that we be happy. You gotta find out what you believe in before you can be true to yourself and others instead of blindly living life vicariously, having fun where nobody “supposedly” gets hurt. You only hurt yourself when you hurt others because what you do to one you do to yourself. I’m not saying don’t have fun and enjoy life – I’m saying do it with your eyes open! Develop a conscientious attitude – “Have a Heart” like the Bonnie Rait song.

The ego wants you to operate on a high level of exclusive uniqueness. Every one of us is inclusively magnificent and unique. We may not see it, hidden deep within the abyss of our marred psyche, but if we willingly seek to find the true spirit that is within us – will we return to our REAL selves – a “Return to Innocence” as Enigma quotes. We will remember a care-free, innocent happiness and perfect contentment without the NEED for someone else to fill up the perceived emptiness within us. That doesn’t mean go off, isolating yourself and being a loner without needing others – that is not the context I am describing here. We all need each other but, instead, without attachment to the “form” any friendship takes. Love is always and forever present. I can firmly attest to that feeling –it doesn’t come as often as I’d like to but that is the point – for us to re-train our minds to join together in that space of infinite spirit whether physically present or not. When I do tap into that source, the high is incredible!

For those of you unfamiliar with A Course in Miracles, do not intend for some of the concepts presented herein to fly over the top of your heads but perhaps this will give you a different insight as you progress down the road towards personal healing, betterment and growth. For more information regarding the Course, several resources are available: www.acim.org, www.foundationforinnerpeace.org, www.miraclecenter.org, www.conversationswithgod.com, www.marianne.com, www.awakeningartistry.com, www.garyrenard.com

Highly recommended, world renowned Authors/Lecturers on A Course in Miracles are: Gary R. Renard, Marianne Williamson, Kenneth Wapnick, Tama J. Kieves and Neale Donald Walsch, to name a few.

Other resources: The Very Best of Don Henley CD ©2009 www.Amazon.com

Author's Bio: 

Sarah Hongerloot is an Administrative Support Professional, Creator, Writer and Editor of a monthly publication titled “This Month’s Special.” Hobbies include aviation, reading, dancing, traveling and volunteering. She is a former employee of Carnival Cruise Lines and Western Pacific Airlines. Sarah obtained her travel degree with the International Air Academy headquartered in Vancouver, BC in 1996. Her foremost passion is writing as an avenue to provide a deep understanding of the human condition, help and inspire others. For questions, comments or permission to re-print this article email her at: sh4635379@gmail.com or facebook.