The Benefits of Recovery

Active addiction is so draining. It took everything out of me mentally, emotionally and physically. The getting using and finding ways and means to get more was a full time job in itself. One was to many and One thousand was never enough. I became a totally different person. I was so selfish, manipulative, depressed and a thief. My relationships with family and friends were failing and my work was suffering. THIS WAS NOT THE REAL ME! I was powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanagable. It took a long time and a lot of pain and suffering to realize step one. At the beginning it was so difficult to make a change and it took a lot of courage and help to do so. When I finally surrendered and sought help through treatment, the program of Narcotics Anonymous and my higher power, I began to feel very hopeful and believed recovery was possible. For a long time I felt like a hopeless case. As you can imagine thats a horrible feeling. The bottom line is I wanted recovery bad for MYSELF. Other times when I tried to get help because other people wanted me to I was unsuccessful. This time I really wanted it for me and that was huge. I was willing to do whatever it took and made my ninety meetings in ninety days, read my basic text, spoke with other people in recovery, became willing and took suggestions. It was so important for me to make recovery my number one priority of the day one day at a time. Yes there were times when I didnt feel like going to a meeting or whatever but what I found is the times I was feeling like that were the times I needed to go the most. And there were some very tough days but with my support group I was able to get through them and after a while it did get easier. I was always very cautious not to get complacent when it did start to get easier because addiction can creep back in so fast with the slightest opening. Before I knew it, good things started happening for me. I had peace of mind again for the first time in a long time. All the lies, stealing, relationship trouble, and everything that goes with active addiction is a nightmare. Just to have some peace of mind again was huge. And what kind of goes along with that is I had some mental clarity again. When your always high, hungover or withdrawing your always in a fog. I could think again, WOW.

My relationship with my higher power was pretty much non existent when I was using. With the help of the Narcotics Anonymous program I was able to redevelop that relationship and it felt good. With this relationship, my sobriety and recovery with the help of NA, I started to feel good about myself. It had been a long time since I was able to say that. My relationships with my family improved dramatically. The real me was coming back and they were proud. With that came some pressure because I didn't want to let them down again. Instead of letting that pressure get to me, I used it to my advantage. I focused on recovery that much more.

I feel healthier. Addiction took such a toll on my mind and body. I have fun without using. That seemed impossible in active addiction. I have money in my pocket and the bank and change in my cupholder of my car. I don't have creditors coming after me for money. What a relief! There's purpose in my life now and I have the ability to be a good husband, father, dad, son, brother, employee, and friend.

One of the most rewarding things is to share my experience and pass on what I have learned and help people!

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