Submitting To Your Husband When You Don't Agree: Learning To Submit To Your Husband

To realize the fullness of God's purpose each of us must submit to God, governing authorities as well as each other. This represents God's order to achieve His ideal. But as you well know many of us fall woefully short. Still, our shortcomings do not change God's ideal or the order necessary to accomplish it. Instead, God constantly calls upon husband and wife and has a contingency plan when we are non- responsive.

Submission permits for order and execution. In sports, war and marriage a well-ordered and well-executed attack has greater probability of succeeding against opposition than one that is not. The word, 'submit' comes from the Greek word, 'hupotasso'. The word, 'hupotasso' is derived from two words: 'hupo' meaning 'under' and 'tasso' which means to arrange in order. It is a military term.

Submission is necessary when husband and wife desire to conquer something bigger than each of them individually and collectively. It is less necessary when relating to each other as people. Nevertheless, a great deal of married life requires things to be ordered and arranged to ensure success. Bill paying, meals and child rearing all benefit from orderly discharge of responsibility. Beyond this, there are the hopes and dreams of husband and wife individually and collectively. They too, benefit from orderly attention to detail and execution.

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Ephesians 5:22 provides us with God's intended order for husbands and wives: "Wives are to submit to their own husbands." It is not wrong for wives to be equal with husbands. However, the meeting demands of married life are best accomplished when wives voluntarily place themselves underneath husbands authority. Christ teaches us this in Philippians 2:5-8.

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death-and the worst kind of death at that-a crucifixion." (AMP)

Christ's own words assure us that no one took his life; rather He offered to lay it down with full capacity to take it up again. John 10:17 and 18 reads,

"The Father loves me because I sacrifice my life so I may take it back again. No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded." (NLT)

Married love is sacrificial and submission is a choice. It is a choice to come underneath our husbands and arrange self, children, things and others in orderly fashion. Submission is required because we are called to conquer self, train our children, and accomplish great things in the earth. But there is more. God made wives as a help 'meet' for husbands. In Genesis 2:18, God said,

"Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him." (AMP)

The New Living Translation says it this way,

"Then the LordGod said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."

Therefore, a healthy and robust discussion on submission should include wives as help 'meet'. The Hebrew word, 'meet' means to surround, protect, or aid. Sometimes wives help their husbands best by taking the lead. At other times they must initiate action by default. The words surround, protect and aid do not imply passivity, mindlessness or dependence. Rather, these words suggest vigilance, assertiveness and the ability to act independently! Sometimes wives must be pro-active in thwarting danger in married life. Submission defines our position and attitude as wives. Help defines what we do as wives. Help can be active or passive. It can look like leading, or following. It may involve sitting or standing, speaking or being quiet. Each wife is perfectly positioned and suited to be the kind of help needed by her husband.

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Consider Moses and his wife Zipporah. Exodus 4:24-26 reads,

On the way to Egypt, at a place where Moses and his family had stopped for the night, the Lordconfronted him and was about to kill him.But Moses' wife, Zipporah, took a flint knife and circumcised her son. She touched his feetwith the foreskin and said; "Now you are a bridegroom of blood to me." (When she said "a bridegroom of blood," she was referring to the circumcision.) After that, the Lordleft him alone. (NLT)

We learn a few things here. God was about to kill Moses. Moses had not circumcised his son according to Jewish law. Zipporah satisfied the law by fulfilling Moses' responsibility. Circumcision, that is, removing the foreskin of the penis is bloody, messy work. God reserved this task for husbands and fathers. Yet, here we find a wife and a mother initiating and completing this task. By doing so, Zipporah satisfied God's law and permitted God to spare her husband's life. Zipporah aided and protected her husband.
And when she was finished, Zipporah reminds Moses that he is still her husband.

Moses' may have thanked Zipporah or he could have been angered by her actions. The Bible does not say. Perhaps for wives, Moses response is not nearly as important as God's response! God apparently accepted Zipporah's help because He left Moses alone.

Submission in marriage is about positioning and attitude. It is a choice wives make to come underneath their own husbands. Help is about what wives do with their position and attitude. Help may include actions taken (or not taken), tasks engaged, or the willingness to suffer the loss of something valuable for something of greater value. Whatever our actions, wives should do all as unto the Lord, Himself.

Today, I can say that I do know how to support my husband. He may not always agree, or be receptive to my help. And quite frankly some days, I still blow it! But the fact is, God made me a helper fitted to Anthony's exact needs. Then God gave me to Anthony and said to us be fruitful, multiply, subdue and replenish the earth. This task is given to us all.

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Some of the most recurring problems with men and their marriages is that they get too laid back as the year's progress. Here is a classic example: Richard starts out well when he is about to marry Julie. He is a man of vision and does so remarkably well at work. He works out, never drinks, and is a very thoughtful soul. For the first few years, he surprises his wife with roses and a candlelight dinner every time that they have their wedding anniversary and they always go to their favorite restaurant during Valentine's Day. But after 3 years, things take a downhill direction. Richard starts drinking. He neglects Julie and comes home drunk most of the time. All that he talks about are problems and problems and more problems. Julie is supportive on the first 6 months and finally has had enough it when Richard fails to help himself consistently. She then files for divorce.

This is a very common ground for divorce and it seems so easy to avoid it but why is it that many marriages still crumble? If you ask yourself, "How can I save my marriage?" The answer would be to start with what was just mentioned.

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As much as a person loves you and will do anything in their capacity to help you, there too are limits. When you become over dependent on the love and care of one person and you neglect to help yourself that is a sign of weakness. Nonetheless, it all depends on the parties that are involved. If you truly love your partner, you will be with them through the harshest and most destructive of all storms. But if the other party intentionally neglects to help his or herself, you need to make a stand. So one of the answers to the question, "How can I save my marriage?" is you need to be emotionally and mentally strong to deal with your problems in life. One of the best ways to cope up with problems and stress is to talk it out with your partner. Do not take it all in and pretend that nothing is wrong. One of the biggest yardsticks in life that can help measure whether or not you are a strong person is your ability to admit your vulnerabilities. Never be ashamed to do this. In addition, never forget to seek divine guidance from above.

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Bad marriages happen all too often. There are ways to stop a divorce however, considering both sides agree that's their main goal. They can seek counseling, which will give them a different perspective on their problems, and they can learn to compromise in areas of the most need.

Divorce doesn't have to be inevitable. Not as long as the couple is willing to try and do whatever it takes to avoid it. By keeping an open mind to suggestions from advice counselors, many problems that seemed unworkable can be overcome by will and determination, and applying the right techniques.

Some marriages that start out looking like bad marriages end up as good marriages once some of the main problems get worked through. Being willing to work at it is one of the best ways to stop a divorce. Some of the things in your adjustment period start off seeming like work, but after time become hardly noticeable.

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A bad marriage doesn't have to stay bad. It just needs to be re-adjusted, re-focused, and re-established between the two individuals. And these two got married for some reason, usually something is there to build on. It's worth checking out.

One of the most successful ways to avoid bad marriages, and the best ways to stop a divorce, is by having 'pre-marital' counseling. This arms you with information that enables you to spot warning signs, and gives you ideas for keeping things fresh before you ever get started. It's highly believed that this is one of the best diversions to divorce.

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There are few things worse than dealing with the pain of marriage separation. You miss your spouse, you are lonely, upset, sad, depressed, angry and probably many other things. Although it's very difficult to deal with the pain of marriage separation, it can be done and things do get better. Here are some really helpful tips for dealing with the pain of marriage separation.

Allow Yourself Time to Feel Bad

Of course you are going to feel terrible if you are going through marriage separation. Many people think they should continue on with their normal lives as if everything was as it always is. Unfortunately, those people aren't giving themselves the much needed time to grieve and go through the normal emotions that come with this sort of thing. Give yourself a time limit - maybe a few days or a week to just feel terrible. Lie on the couch all day or stay in bed. Eat ice cream directly from the pint and stay in your pajamas. Notify everyone that you will be fine but unreachable and turn off your phone and computer. Once you allow yourself the time to grieve, you can actually accept what's going on and be better equipped to deal with it.

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Move On

Now comes the difficult part. You have to move on - of course, this doesn't mean that you and your spouse won't get back together but you're going to have to move on one way or another. Whether you move on with them or without them is up to the both of you. However, you need to get up and get going again. Go out with your friends and allow yourself to have a great time. Laugh, sing, tell a joke and do something normal for a change. This allows you to reduce a great deal of stress that dealing with the pain of marriage separation can cause - as well as catch up with your friends and their lives.

Improve Yourself

Start working to create a better you. Write down some goals or some thoughts about what you would like to be or what you would like to change about yourself. Then, work on achieving these goals for yourself. You may want to lose weight and get in better shape. You might want to start a new hobby like crafting or collecting or something different. Take a class so that you can learn a new trade. Join a support group where you can make some friends and get some support and advice or tips and suggestions.

No matter what you're doing, any improvement to yourself is wonderful and will help you cope with the pain of marriage separation. When you follow this advice and information about marriage separation, you can start to feel better soon and get your life back to normal.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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