If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they might see is that just about every area of their life is one big battle. Due to this, they will be used to putting in a lot of effort while getting very little in return.

If there is a plus to the life that they lead, it could be that their life has moulded them into someone who is resilient and has a lot of inner strength. But, even if this is the case, they can be sick and tired of working so hard and having very little to show for it.

One Area

When it comes to what they do for a living, then, they can do something that they enjoy but they might not have been able to make much progress. Over the years, they may have done so much to try to move forward.

And, if they have been able to move forward, they might have soon gone back to where they were before. To make matters worse, they might have watched on as others, who haven’t worked as hard, have moved forward.

Another Area

As for their love life, this might not be much better. Once again, they might have done a lot to try to attract the right person, only to end up in the same position time and time again.

So, they might have continually ended up with people who were not interested in them and tried to make them see their value and love them. Their friends, on the other hand, could be far more successful even though they don’t do as much.

One Conclusion

Naturally, as they haven’t been able to get very far in these areas of their life and perhaps others, they are going to be in a bad way. This is not to say that they will want to live a life that is always easy but that they would like to be able to make progress in these areas of their life.

To use an analogy: it will be as if they are at the same level and no matter what they do; they are unable to ‘level up’. As a result of this, they could believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back.

A Common Cycle

What they might also see is that every now and then, they lose the desire to do just about anything and fall into a very deep hole. Before long, though, they could soon rise up and go back to trying to move forward.

But, thanks to how long this has been going on, it could have gotten harder and harder for them to pull themselves up and to carry on. In other words, they could be desperate for a breakthrough.

A Closer Look

Based on how they experience life, it could be said that they are just unlucky and need to keep going. By doing this, sooner or later, their luck will change and they will be able to move forward.

What could also be said is that they are unconsciously sabotaging their life because they don’t feel worthy of having what they desire. Thus, for their life to change, they will need to raise their self-esteem.

Two Things

When it comes to the view that they are just unlucky, this can be seen as nothing more than an assumption. What this view won’t do is allow them to move forward; it will just keep them stuck.

As for the view that they are unconsciously sabotaging themselves due to their having low self-esteem, this can be seen as something that could be accurate. Unlike the previous reason, they will be able to do something about this.

Another Angle

However, if they do have low self-esteem, it doesn’t mean that this is the only thing that is causing them to experience life in this way. Further, this could just be a small part of why they are going around in circles.

Beyond this, a big part of them can be trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years. This need will then be outside of their conscious awareness but it will be having a big impact on their life.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of their life, they may have had a mother and perhaps a father who were unavailable and unable to love them. Consequently, this would have deeply wounded and deprived them of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

To handle what took place, the pain that they were in and a number of their developmental needs would have ended up being repressed by their brain. Along with this, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that the reason they were not loved was because there was something inherently wrong with them.

A Continuation

This would have partly been a defence against reality as it would have been too much for them to accept that their mother and perhaps their father were unable to love them. To help keep their pain and reality at bay, then, they would have struggled to receive the love that was simply not available.

Many, many years will have passed since they were a powerless and dependent child, but, a big part of them will still be trying to receive this love. This unmet developmental need will cause them to unconsciously create a life where they continue to struggle, in order to finally meet this need.

The Same Story

This part of them won’t know that this stage of their life is over and that it is too late to be loved by their mother and perhaps their father. What this illustrates is that this part of them won’t be able to accept that other people are not their mother and perhaps their father.

If they were to reconnect to this part and face up to the fact that their childhood is over, a lot of pain would end up being unlocked. On one level, then, not being able to move forward is causing them to suffer, but, at a deeper level, continually struggling will allow them to avoid how they felt all those years ago.

Another Reality

This pain will be far more intense than the pain that they currently experience. Nonetheless, by facing this pain and working through it, and experiencing their unmet developmental needs, this pain will gradually subside.

Also, this will allow their life to begin to flow. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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