Partners’ spying on each other is not a new phenomenon. What is new is the “James Bond” techniques they use. In different stores in Manhattan you can find, these days, various devises to spy on your “loved one”: a pen, glasses, a key-chain, a tie, a watch, a clock, even a teddy bear - all of which look like ordinary ones. But they are more than the eye can see!

These are the latest technological devices you can use to spy on your partner. Through the digital revolution it is now possible to assemble smaller and smaller devices which cost anywhere between 100 – 300 dollars, with which you can listen to you partner’s phone calls, track his/her sms and take photos of him/her. Not only men spy on their women partners, but more and more women spy on their men.

Suppose that rather than using all these technological-electronically devices to spy on your partner you would have had at your disposal cutting-edge devices which would have allowed you to look inwards, get to understand yourself better, get to realize your thought processes, your attitudes towards love and partnerships, your fears and needs. Suppose that via such front-of-the-line “futuristic” devices you would have been able to counter-act a host of factors which stand in your way from developing a successful intimacy, and become able to take the steps to doing just that.

Well, these futuristic devices might still be available in the near future. But by then it might be too late for you. Is there any way you can use your own wisdom, know-how and intelligence to look inwards, get in touch with whatever it is that stands in your way and sabotages your relationship now, and move forward to making the necessary changes?

Can you, instead of using spying devices when becoming “fed up” with your partner and seek separation, using your “inner devices” as a preventative manner, getting to understand how to improve and maintain your relationship?

Using your “inner devices” of wisdom, know-how and intelligence to look inwards, “spying” on yourself, on your inner thoughts, attitudes and traits (about which you were unaware until now), will enable you to learn how these have sabotaged your relationships until now and motivate you to move on to knowing how to develop a satisfying bond.

You can arrive at this understanding by developing your “Self-Awareness” - observe yourself and pay attention to what drive you to react and behave in ways that harm your relationships – such as messages you internalized; your fears and needs; your expectations and fantasies; your perception of reality, your denials and projections – all of which have led you to sabotage your relationships and led you to confront conflicts, arguments, anger, despair, and anguish either in an on-going relationship or in the many relationships as you’ve had.

While partners cannot spy on each other without using cutting-edge devices, you can’t understand how you harm your relationships and what you need to change without developing your Self-Awareness. This is the best “tool” available at your disposal. So why not use it to your advantage in order to ensure the success of your intimate relationship?

Author's Bio: 

Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a Self-Awareness and Relationships Expert, with 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. Dr. Gil has taught classes to thousands of students, has written numerous articles on the subject and is the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship”.