So You Wanna Date An Asian Woman? Read This First!

I decided to write this article on dating Asian women to clear up some misunderstandings and ideas people have, as well as to give some advice for those who are thinking about it or who are dating an Asian woman.
A lot of regular readers on the site know that I have lived in Asia since 2007. As a result, I get asked a lot of questions about what it’s like to date an Asian woman. I’ll do my best to explain all I’ve learned about it in this article.
While I live in Indonesia on a permanent basis I have also traveled extensively in Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos and The Philippines over the past 8 years. I’ve also dated women from most of these countries during my time here before settling down with Mrs. Freedom.
It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that there is widespread interest in Asian women from men around the world – they’re feminine, intelligent and extremely gorgeous, so why wouldn’t there be?
Everyone has their own taste in a woman of course. Dating Asia style won’t be for everyone. We all like different things, but I’m assuming because you clicked an article with the headline “Dating Asian Women 1o1” you are at least interested in the idea of doing so.
Dating Asian women is a little different from dating Western women. Yes, the initial game is much the same, but if you are planning to take it to the next level and get involved there are some things you need to be prepared for.
Dating Asian Women Step 1 – Lose the Stereotypes!
Let’s address the elephant in the room right at the start – a lot of people automatically assume when they see a Western man dating Asian women she is either A) After a green card or visa, or B) Is poor and looking for security/wealth.
It is understandable why some people believe this. A lot of the Asian women who come to the West with the boyfriends/husbands do in fact fit this category, but by no means all of them have an agenda. Many of the younger Asian women you see shacked up with older men living in your home city are indeed poor, seeking security and often have an ulterior motive.
However, when you come to Asia itself you will begin to see a very different story. Yes, there are obese German tourists walking along the streets of Bangkok with two teenage prostitutes on each arm, but outside of the disgusting tourist trail that would put Caligula to shame you will find tens of thousands of happily married Western men with Asian wives, many of whom actively refuse to move to the West.
If you do decide to date an Asian woman it is perfectly possible to have a genuine relationship built on mutual love and respect rather than any alternative agenda.
The second thing you will begin to notice is that the idea of Asian people being poor is a huge misconception. The reason it seems that way is because the ones you have seen back home are often poor, hence they moved abroad to find opportunities to get out of that poverty, and also because there are a lot of people in Asia the problem seems amplified.
Another reason people believe this because they hear statistics like the average salary in Asia is $200 per month. While this would mean literal starvation and death in London or NYC, if you live with a family of five people in Central Java where rent is $50 a month and a meal costs 40 cents, you can live pretty comfortably.
However, you will quickly find when you come here that Asia has a huge middle class and a rich elite that could hire most Westerners that hold these notions as their house boys, gardeners and personal drivers if they wished.
If you are going to date an Asian woman you are going to have to tolerate these judgments from your friends, family and people you meet every day. If you’re the kind of person who seeks validation from others and cares what people think, this will be a problem for you.
Personally, I’m happy with my wife and I could care less what others people think. This level of ignorance actually says a lot more about the person making the judgement than it does about your situation with your Asian girlfriend or wife. Just remember that when the inevitable snide looks and comments come.
No matter what lifestyle choice you make, and especially if you decide to date an Asian woman, there will always be someone pointing the finger and casting judgement. Just stop giving a crap.
Nobody ever said dating Asian women was problem free. If you find the right woman, though, you’ll laugh together at all the ignorant stereotypes you encounter and it can even bring you closer together.This rule will not apply for richer families.
Personally I find the fact that Asian women are so dedicated to their families a huge attraction factor as I am a very family oriented man myself and believe that family is really the only thing worth living for. Instead of sticking our parents in homes and neglecting them after they have given us everything they could, we could learn much from Asian communities in this respect. That’s just my opinion, however, and you’ll need to iron this issue out with your Asian girlfriend if you get to a serious level.
Security Oriented) One of the reasons you see so many Asian women dating older men is because most of them have a deep value around security.
Growing up in Asia is not anything like growing up in the Western world. Fortunes can change overnight, governments are regularly overthrown in coups, corruption is rife and the state structure in most countries is pathetic. All of this leads to a feeling of general insecurity and a desire for some sort of stability and safety in the people. Think about how you would react if you live in this situation.
As a result of all of this, security, and yes financial security, is of paramount importance to an Asian woman looking for a husband. You also have to remember that women’s rights in Asia are largely non-existent, and choosing a husband can mean the difference between a life of destitution and struggle versus a happy life of plenty.
There are exceptions to this rule, and more and more women are joining the workforce and build careers as the nations develop, but for now most Asian ladies will only take you seriously as a potential serious boyfriend or husband if you have your shit together and are on some sort of stable path.
The big advantage to this is that most Asian women I have dated are easy to please. As long as you are a good dude who puts his family first, puts the bacon on the table and has his head right, she will love you and stick with you. That’s a far cry off the “I need to leave all of this and go to India and find myself” Eat, Pray, Love crap you will find at home!
All that being said, you have to remember that Asian women are PEOPLE and have THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITIES. They are not predictable, they are not all the same, what pleases one will not please another and etc. Those qualities I listed above are just common traits I have found in the majority of women I know. Keep this in mind when dating Asian women and go in with your eyes open.
Things To Be Aware Of If you Date an Asian Woman
Dating is largely dating wherever you go and there are many similarities between dating Asian women and dating Western women. Pickup techniques, text game, general game and etc will all help you in your dating quest. However, there are some things which are different once you see a woman for a while and begin to stray into relationship territory. Let’s look at those factors now.
1) Things Move Faster – There’s a saying here in Indonesia that if a woman dates you once she likes you, twice she considers you her boyfriend and three times she has already decided she would say yes if you popped the question.
While things are changing and the casual hookup scene is massive in big cities like Jakarta and Bangkok, it is worth noting that things move along a lot faster in Asia than back West. The American notion of dating multiple people for a year or more is not done here. You need to be aware of the signals you are sending out by continuing to date her, and if you are out to date multiple women because that’s OK in your culture, you should make sure she understands that and is cool with it too.
The saying above may be exaggerated, but be aware that if she sees you more than a couple of times she is thinking of the end game, even if you are not.
2) You Pay The Bill – No, I’m not talking about paying for sex. I have never done this in Asia even though it is widely available in every bar, club, hotel and apartment building in Jakarta. Hookers are everywhere, but I do not now nor have I ever paid to play.
However, when dating you should pay for everything. This “split the bill” crap is not how it is done in Asia. You are the man, you are supposed to prove that if this goes any further you will be a decent provider, and therefore she will expect you to pay the bill.
Some women who have their own career and have feminist ideals will offer to pay for the odd date. I used to let them every once in a while, but 90% of women and 90% of the time, you are paying the bill. You also need to remember that the average salary in Thailand for example, is $200 per month. If you are going out to any Western bar/restaurant and running up a $100 tab, it’s simply unreasonable to expect her to pay anything.
3) Meeting The Parents Is A Big Deal – Meeting an Asian woman’s family is a big deal. If she has invited you to do so you need to be aware that this is a massive signal that she has future plans for the two of you, and by accepting the invite you are in effect saying you agree there is a future here.
This can be a huge source of misunderstanding between Western men who come from countries where meeting the parents is just bog standard after a few dates, and Asian women where meeting the parents is a signal that you are considering marriage.
Asian culture detests women who have had many boyfriends and sleep around, so she will not introduce a lot of men to her family during her lifetime. This would in effect destroy her reputation with her parents and have them look down on her, so if she invites you to meet, consider it a big deal.
If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t go. Take this as the serious signal it is. This is one respect in which dating Asian women is very different from dating back home.
4) Face Saving Is Frustrating – There is a concept in Asia tat many Westerners find mind-boggling. It is called “saving face”. Most Asian people (not just women) will do anything including outright lie to avoid either being embarrassed or shamed or causing embarrassment or shame to you or someone else.
If you had to ask me what the single biggest annoyance is when dating Asian women, this would be it!
This leads to all manner of misunderstandings, especially if you come from a very candid culture like the USA or Australia where it is expected that you speak directly and say what you are thinking. When you are dating an Asian woman and in fact dealing with Asian people in general, you need to be careful what you say, and you also need to be aware that what is being said to you may not be the direct truth, but some version of it with the edge taken off to cause you to avoid losing face.
The only exception I have found to this is The Philippines where people will just flat-out tell you if you are pissing them off. The first time I went there someone directly challenged me for skipping a line (which I wasn’t aware of) and it genuinely shocked me, since I’d been in Indonesia so long and was used to the whole indirect/face-saving way of communicating.
As your girlfriend or wife gets used to your Western ways you will be able to develop a more direct form of communication and tell each other things straight, but this face-saving concept is worth keeping in mind to begin. If it’s embarrassing, shameful, naughty or otherwise, she won’t tell you about it. That’s a guarantee.
You have to remember that this is not wrong per se and she doesn’t see it as being deceptive or deliberately harmful. She is doing what she has been taught is the right thing to do. It’s simply a cultural difference.
Dating an Asian Woman Summary:
Dating Asian women is something every man should try, in my opinion. While there are challenges and cultural hurdles to overcome it can and often is the most rewarding experience of a man’s life
This has by no means been a comprehensive dating in Asia guide. Every example I have given has an exception and there’s much more to it than the above. I just wrote the things I have experienced and wish someone had told me about up front when I came here.