Should You Stay or Should You Leave an Unsatisfying Intimate Relationship?

Introduction

Whether you decide to stay in an unsatisfying intimate relationship or leave is up to you. But you can make a proper decision only when you are aware of your fears and needs, of what might keep you hanging on to a partner which is not for you, in a relationship which is not healthy and satisfying. Only then you become able to make a conscious decision one way or another.

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When you are dissatisfied with your relationship and experience endless arguments with your partner – what makes you stay? You probably might come up with various explanations justifying why you must stay in the relationship (for the sake of the children, because of economical reasons, due to other circumstances). But it also happens that there are no external reasons for staying – only your fears of being alone, of changing a life-style you have been accustomed to, of being criticized by others, and so on.

Hereunder is a typical dialogue between two partners. You can clearly notice how awful their situation is, but in spite it all they tend to stay together – without love and without mutual support. And you might wonder: why do they “do it” to themselves?

She: “We need to take care of extending the lease on our apartment next week.”
He: “Next week is impossible. I have much work to do.”
She: “Are you telling me your bloody work is more important than ensuring everything is fine with the lease for next year?”
He: “Don’t be stupid! Don’t be more stupid than what you already are!”
She: “I am sick of you calling me stupid! ”
He: “So stop behaving like one!”
She: “The problem is that everything that is different from what you think, you say is stupid and you think that I am always wrong! This time we really need to do it next week.”
He: “Well, you think – assuming that you can think! – that everything needs to be done the way and the time you think it should?”
She: “I don’t want to start crying…I…”
He: “Well, don’t start it again. You always do that. Just don’t!”
She: “You bastard!”
He: “You can always leave; I’ve told you that a hundred times. Just leave, for God’s sake!”

She feels she hates him. She hates the way he treats her; the way he always controls her; the way he insults her. But she doesn’t leave.

These kinds of dialogues repeat themselves over and over again. At times you might think, oh well, the two still love each other. Indeed, at times this is the case. The two love each other and still treat one another badly and cruelly. But often this is not the case. The two just don’t get along with each other; they disagree on almost everything. One of them is controlling the other and treats the partner like nothing. The “intimacy” between them has gone long ago, and all they have been left with is a rotten relationship.

So the woman depicted in this dialogue, why does she stay in such a relationship? Is it due to her fear of loneliness? Her insecurity? A history of rotten past relationships which is for her an indication that the next one – if at all – will not be any different?

You can’t know why she stays. All of the above reasons might be true, and many more.

No one says that leaving a relationship is easy. The question is, when it comes to your well-being, to your happiness and your quality of life, are you better of in a rotten relationship or by yourself?

It is up to you to decide. But you can make a proper decision only when you are aware of your fears and needs, of what might keep you hanging on to a partner which is not for you, in a relationship which is unhealthy and not satisfying. Only then you become are able to make a decision which fits you, one way or another.