Sexual Communication

My cheeks are flushed, my body is radiating heat, and little moans escape my lips. His breath is heavy on my neck as we dive deeper and deeper into a state of passion. The little moans escaping my lips tell him that I am enjoying his touch and he sporadically shares little insights of enjoyment… “Oh, yes,” “You’re amazing,” “Oh, right there,” as I watch his body tremble over and over again with orgasmic energy. As we continue in our play, he enters a state of deep intensity and shifts my positioning. We are in the midst of a passionate animalistic moment when all of a sudden I find myself taken from bliss quickly to severe pain. “Oww! That really hurts. You feel fucking amazing but that’s too deep.” We take a second and try moving slower and less deep but the angle simply isn’t working for my body today. He rapidly switches my position again and we fast approach a deeper state of intimacy. At one point our moans, heavy breath, and sighs are the only form of communication as we are so close that our bodies could melt into each other. We stop several times in our hours of sexing between orgasms to talk with each other about life and our turn-ons… what we like, what we don’t like, and even share a few fantasies until we end the night in a beautiful silence that says more than any words could say.

couple-pillow-talk_pijs35Communication is vitally important in relationships in order to build intimacy. One of the times that it is significant to communicate is in the middle of sex, like the above event. This does not mean we need to stop and have full in-depth conversations while trying to merge sexual energies, although if that’s what is needed then that is an option. There are many different aspects to communicating during these intimate moments and they don’t have to shut the sexing down.

Share your enjoyment! - Sex requires a state of vulnerability and one way to help your partner know you are enjoying things is to tell him/her. Take the time to give your partner kudos for the moments when they are touching you in all the right ways. Allow those deep moans and sexy sighs to slip through those lips and if something is working really well, directly say so… “Wow, that feels amazing!,” “I love when you do that,” etc. Also, making sexy observations can help turn your partner on or simply communicate you are enjoying the situation… “Your breasts look amazing from this angle,” “Your skin is so incredibly soft, ” “You have a beautiful ass,” etc. If you are not verbalizing, then your partner is never going to learn what is working and what your turn-ons are. Your orgasm and pleasure is your responsibility so start talking!

Make adjustments - As much as it’s important to tell your partner if something feels good, it also is vital to tell them if something isn’t working. Like in the above example, sometimes in the midst of things working they suddenly aren’t working and that doesn’t mean anyone is doing anything wrong. What feels fantastic one time may not feel so amazing the next depending on a variety of factors. There are many different ways to ask for adjustments during sex, but no matter how you go about it use direct requests. In the middle of sex, if I need a small adjustment just to increase my overall pleasure then my favorite way to ask is to recognize something that I am really enjoying and then ask for the adjustment. However, when you are engaging in more adventurous play it is important to set up safe words in order to communicate more effectively if things need to quickly change in the situation. Safety should be of the upmost importance during sex due to not only the physical components but also the emotional components. Unless you are able to have those meaningful conversations to communicate your safe words then I strongly suggest avoiding any risky sexual play until you and your partner have come to a more open and communicative place in your relationship.

Share fantasies - Sometimes in the midst of sex or to get aroused, it can be fun to share fantasies. It can raise the heat in the moment when you tell your partner to envision something. For example, in the midst of sex one day, while my lover is penetrating me, he shared how he could envision us at a club with other men in my mouth as he was having sex with me. He shared how he thought my positioning was the perfect position for other types of play. I played along and began laying out what would be happening in that situation. This mental picture quickly took things to a new level in our sexing that night. Sharing fantasies while having sex or just in daily conversation can tell us more about our partner both sexually and non-sexually. It adds a level of vulnerability into the mix of a relationship.

Open up your throat chakra - If you want to make sex better then verbalizing will help bring your sexual energy higher by opening up your throat chakra. This helps to keep a healthy flow of energy and so letting those sighs, moans, and screams out will help drop you into a deeper orgasmic state.

All of this being said, it is important that your verbalization is authentic. Oftentimes, people will verbalize just because they believe that’s what they are “supposed to do,” which will actually take away from the intimacy and connection in the moment. If you are screaming out then make sure it’s because you are truly in the throws of passion and not just because you think it is what your partner wants! Be authentic and be open during your lovemaking.

Give it a try tonight with your partner!