Sense Of Deserving: Can Developmental Trauma Stop Someone From Developing A Sense Of Deserving?

On one side, there is the ability to give, and, on the other, there is the ability to receive. When someone has the ability to both give and receive, it could be said that they will be in balance.

The reason for this is that they will be playing their part by giving or contributing to the world and by being able to receive, they will be able to replenish themselves and then continue to give. Naturally, if only the former took place but not the latter, they wouldn’t be able to give a great deal and they would probably spend a lot of time feeling exhausted.

An Analogy

To understand how important it is to be able to receive, someone only needs to think about the breathing process. If they were unable to breathe air in, they would be able to breathe air out.

The outcome of this, of course, is that their life would soon come to an end. What this also illustrates is that as important as it is to be able to give (to breathe out), what is far more important is to be able to receive (to breathe in).

One Experience

Still, what someone could find is that although they give a lot, they don’t receive a great deal back. To return to the analogy, it will be as though they breathe out a lot of air, but they don’t breathe in much air.

Consequently, they are likely to spend a lot of time running on empty and they could often feel totally washed out. So, every now and then, they could be drained of energy and be unable to behave in the same way.
The logical Approach

Once they are back on their feet, they could end up behaving in the same way. In fact, they could end up doing what they can to give even more, with this being seen as a way for them to finally receive what they need.

Throughout their life, they may have heard that the best way to receive is to give, so how they are behaving will seem like the right thing to do. This could also appear to be the only option that they have.

The Other Option

If they were going to think about what the alternative would be, they could imagine themselves sitting around and passively waiting for the things that they need. This could be a time when they feel lazy and even entitled.

Ergo, behaving in this way is not going to appeal to them, with them preferring to play their part and to give. But, while this option won’t interest them, it will be clear that how they have been behaving is not serving them.

One Outlook

One way of looking at this would be to say that they have low self-esteem and this is why they are finding it hard to receive. If this was to change, it would be easier for them to receive what they need.

To do this, they will need to replace their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts and question what they believe. By doing this, they may find that they start to feel better about themselves and this makes it easier for them to receive.

A Different Angle

Another way of looking at this would be to say that there is the chance that they simply haven’t developed a felt sense of deserving. If they had this element in place, it would serve as a magnet that would allow them to pull things to them.

Without this ‘magnet’ in place, they won’t have the ability to consistently draw in what they need. This is why they can give and give and give and still end up being deprived of the things that they need to survive, let alone thrive.

What’s going on?

Upon hearing this, they could struggle to understand why they are this way; why they are missing what they need to consistently receive what they need and want. This can be due to what took place during their early years.

When they were an infant and then a toddler, they may have been left and when they were given attention, it might have rarely been the type of attention that they needed. This would have deprived them of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The Message

If they had consistently had their needs met by a caregiver who was in tune with their needs, this would have allowed them to develop a felt sense of deserving and worthiness and to know that they had a right to exist. Their inner receiving ‘magnet’ would then have formed, and their lower chakras would have developed in the right way.

Yet, as this is not what took place, this ‘magnet’ wouldn’t have formed, and neither would their lower chakras have developed in the right way, causing them to feel undeserving, unworthy and as having no right to exist. In other words, they will be emotionally underdeveloped and this is likely to mean that they will feel empty.

One Big Struggle

Doing things will have been a way for them to finally feel a sense of deserving but as this is not in place, they will have simply created a life that reflects how they truly feel. If how they behaved was the only thing that mattered, they are unlikely to have an issue when it comes to receiving what they need.

What this shows is that it is not just how they behave that defines how they experience life; it is also how they feel. This is because what is taking place inside them, through the law of resonance, is having an impact on what is taking place outside of them.

Moving Forward

Not having most of their development needs met during this stage of their life would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. This pain would have automatically been repressed by their brain.

With this in mind, a big part of what will allow them to develop a felt sense of deserving, worthiness and the right to exist will be for them to gradually work through this pain. This pain will be held in their brain and body.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.