Self Talk: The Essential Element of Self Help

"The mind is a terrible thing to waste." I bet you can remember this slogan being used by The United Negro Fund. It was on television more times that I could count - for years. It was memorized through subliminal message by many a boomer. But the mind IS a terrible thing to waste and not just for African Americans. Everyone has a powerful tool packed into their heads. It's up to us whether or not we will use it to the best of its ability. We are what we think, but we must think good things for the process to work. Many people use their minds for the opposite affect; telling themselves how worthless they are and how they don't deserve to be treated fairly. What I want to stress is that if you are going to attempt to help yourself in personal growth - you must learn how to control the thoughts that enter your mind and you must talk to yourself to do that.

Self talk is something people don't often take much stock in. They laugh and mock the process by telling people that their favorite person to talk to is their selves. People make fun of older people who are often caught talking aloud to themselves when they are just trying to remember a task to do or remember how to do something and they are self talking their way to meet an end. Self talk is not something to make fun of; it is something one needs to admire about someone. If you see someone talking to himself you can bet he will be successful at what he is attempting to do.

When we decide upon a goal that we wish to achieve or accomplish it's important for a continual stream of reminders to be passed through the mind for success. Changing habits is a difficult procedure because we have learned through repitition over and over again to do a task a certain way. We have learned it so well that we no longer need reminders to be spoken - we perform automatically. Until we learn the behavior well enough, we may need reminders to make the change. Self talk is just that. We speak to ourself about what we are trying to do in a positive and encouraging manner as a reminder that we are attempting to meet a goal and/or make a change in our habits.

When we make the decision to practice self help we must use the tools we have to be successful. It is very difficult to help ones self to make changes. Most successful people who have made significant changes in life have a support system to back up what needs to be done. The support system, a number of friends and family or others facing the same dilemma encourages with positive comments, compliments and other reinforcing talk pertaining to the change or changes that need to be achieved. When we are counting on only our own self to make changes without a support system, we need to speak aloud, and silently to our own self to support every minute of the day. We must be vigilent in trying to keep up the good work and continue to try to make the changes no matter how many mistakes or failures we encounter on the way.

In planning how we will meet our goals we must include self talk every time. We can't succeed without it. We can write down short affirmations that will be acknowledgements that we have performed as planned or that we can perform as planned, it just might take a few times to practice to make the changes we need to make. Some habits are hard to break. We can't be discouraged by failure or mistake, we must continue to use positive self talk in our personal growth journey. Keeping it short and sweet at the beginning is helpful.

Using short sentences that are easy to remember in the beginning days will help you remember what you need to know. Let's say you are quitting smoking cigarettes. You can repeat this self talk to yourself over and over.

I can quit smoking cigarettes.
I will quit smoking cigarettes.
Quitting smoking cigarettes will improve my health.
My goal is to quit smoking.
I will not smoke any cigarettes.

I know this helps because I quit smoking, cold turkey, when I broke my leg and smoking was keeping the bone from healing. My surgeon told me that it was imperative that I quit smoking, in fact, he wouldn't perform the surgery I needed for a bone graft if I wouldn't quit smoking. He told me there would be no healing if I continue smoking so why perform the surgery if I wouldn't quit. I quit, cold turkey, because I had been waiting almost two years for my leg to heal in a wheel chair, keeping my leg elevated while at home, unable to do much at all but wait for healing. I could quit smoking though, and I used these reminders to tell myself the importance of quitting cigarettes. After quitting smoking the second bone graft I had received finally took and my broken bone began to heal.

This self talk can work for any changes we need to make in our lives. If we need to lose weight, we can find the right self talk through trial and error, and begin to eat a healthy balanced diet, add a regular exercise routine to our day and we will be successful before we know it. The true key to success is continual reinforcement by using self talk. We must celebrate every accomplishment we make by acknowledging our success with self talk. Reminding our brains that when we talk to our own self we can make anything happen. This sense of positivity is one of the most useful tools we own.

If we need extra reinforcement, we can always write ourself notes and strategically place them where they will be most useful. Placing your scale in the kitchen near your refrigerator can be a reminder that if you weigh yourself before you open the refrigerator for something to eat that you are only eating these days when you are truly hungry and not when you are bored or lonely. Leaving a note can remind you that you're not eating chips and cheese anymore as a snack; you are choosing to eat a crisp apple for your snacks instead.

Putting a note of the visor of your car can also be useful in reminding yourself that you're changing your habits, by instigating the self talk needed at the time. You might write that you are not stopping for fast food anymore. This simple reminder if spoken over and over can be used to go home to eat your healthy planned out lunch over that fast food heap of empty calories. And changing your eating habits isn't the only thing self talk is good for.

Reminding yourself that you need to relax if you are triggered by something negative in your life is always a great lead-in to relaxation breathing. Learning how to just begin relaxation breathing when you notice stress tighten your shoulders or neck can be accomplished by using self talk. Telling yourself, "If I feel tension in my neck, I need to practice some relaxation breathing." If you continue to practice your relaxation breathing like this eventually it will happen automatically.

If you're trying to save money, you can use self talk to remind yourself that you are no longer buying trivial instant gratification buys during your lunch hour. Any change you are attempting to make in your lifestyle can be made if you use your mind to help you rather than hinder you. Even as you make mistakes and have a failure from time to time, self talk can tell you that it's okay to make mistakes now and then. As long as we don't make failure a new habit, it's okay that we have some. Memorizing the quotes about how many times Einstein failed or Ben Franklin or Alexander Graham Bell will inspire you to use the quotes as self talk when you're having a tough day.

The more you use self talk the more often you will call upon it to help you. Believe me, it is the power of the mind that will allow your self help program to work if we use the tools we have been given. No need to buy anything fancy to remember to make changes happen. No need to tie a string around your finger. Just talk to yourself and you'll have everything you need to make change happen. Just remember the quote - " A mind is a terrible thing to waste. " and use self talk to remind yourself of that.