On one side, someone can gradually achieve what they want to achieve, and on the other side, they can end up only getting so far. In fact, they may even find that they are unable to make progress.

As a result of this, someone can feel as though they have control over their life or they can feel as though this isn’t the case. When someone feels as though they have control, they are going to feel empowered; whereas when they don’t, they could end up feeling like a victim.

One Outlook

If this was how they felt, it is going to show that is it only possible for them to see life in one way. It can then be normal for them to believe that the reason they are experiencing life as they are is because of what is taking place externally.

Therefore, the only way for them to change their life will be for them to change their circumstances. However, as they feel as though they have no control, this is not going to be an option.


While this may mean that they internalise how they feel and end up feeling depressed, for instance, they could come across in a different way. When this happens, they could come across as angry and they could be only too happy to have a go at someone.

In their eyes, they could see this as a way for them to get back at the people who have held them back, or more to the point, as a way to get back at the world. Their behaviour is then going to have a negative effect on others and this could cause them to push people away.


If they were told that it has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with themselves, it might go in one ear and out of the other. Or the feedback that they receive from others could end up being dismissed.

In their eyes, their behaviour could be justified and this is then going to mean that they don’t believe there is anything wrong with what they are doing. Yet while this may allow them to be ‘right’ and to get an emotional release, it won’t allow them to change their circumstances.


The energy that they use to take their frustration out on others could be used to change their own life. But in order to use this energy in the right way, it will be important for one to realise that they are not victims.

When one is able to move forward, it is likely to show that they are using their energy in the right way. If one is unable to move forward, they may believe that other people are lucky or that they have something they don’t have.

A Label

Through having this outlook, it is going to make it even harder for them to change their life. However, appearances are deceiving, and while it may appear as though other people are inherently different, this is unlikely to be the case.

This is not to say they won’t look different; what it comes down to is that they are still human beings. But unless one is able to put their labels to one side and to take a deeper look, they are unlikely to change their circumstances.

A Closer Look

If they were able to talk to someone who is able to achieve what they want to achieve, they may find that they have always been this way. At the same time, they may also find that they haven’t always experienced life in this way.

The other person could then tell them that they had to look into why they sabotaged their life and through doing this, it then allowed them to realise they were not victims. They might say that this was the moment the light was turned on, so to speak.


If they were to ask them about what they did, they may say that they looked within themselves. There may have been a time in their life where they use to attract the same people and while they used to blame them, they came to see that they were the ones who always showed up.

Or perhaps they only allowed themselves to achieve so much and they were then used to seeing other people achieve what they wanted to achieve, among other things. The first step they took when it came to looking within themselves may have been to read a book.

A Seed

If this wasn’t the case, they may have come across an article or had a conversation with someone who planted a seed in their mind. During this time, they may have been told that they need to look into what they believe, as well as how they behave.

This was then a time when they had to bring their attention within themselves and to look into what was taking place in their mind. Through questioning their beliefs and altering their behaviour, they may have found that their life started to change.

Emotional Work

Along with this, they may also have found that what was going on at an emotional level was having a negative effect on their life. Perhaps their body was carrying unprocessed grief that needed to be cried out.

Along with this, they may have felt the need to be loyal to someone in their family or an ancestor that they had never met. As a result of this, they would have needed to give back what didn’t belong to them.


In this case, they may have needed to have a number of family constellations to put an end to their tendency to sabotage their life. Yet regardless of what took place, the most important thing was that they came to realise that they were not victims.

When one looks within and deals with what is holding them back, they will gradually be able to put an end to their self-sabotaging behaviour. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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