There are some people who are able to move forward and achieve success, and then there are others who are unable to do this. And when one experiences life in this way, it could cause them to go down a number of different paths.

They could end up looking externally for the answers, and seeing what it is that is in the way for them making progress. Or they might look within themselves, and look at why they are not allowing themselves to go to the next stage in their life.

A Bit of Both

Alternatively, one may decide to take a more balanced approach, and to take a closer look at what is going on externally and internally. However, they may believe that what is taking place within them is more important that what is taking place without.

Yet, even if they were to reflect on what is taking place within them, it doesn’t mean they will overlook what is going on around them. This is because what is going on around them can be used as information.


Through observing their own reality and seeing what is taking place around them, it will give them the chance to see what might be taking place within them. For example, if one has a certain pattern in their life, there is likely to be reason why it continues to appear.

One approach would be for one to get caught up in what is happening externally and to blame others, but if they look into what is taking place within them, this is not going to be necessary. Instead, they can see why they continue to experience the same patterns over and over again.

More Work

But even if one doesn’t look within, it doesn’t mean they will end up seeing other people as the problem; they could just end up working harder. In this case, it can show that they believe that it will be possible for them to move forward through working harder.

On one hand, they might just do more of what they were doing before, and on the other hand, this could mean that they try another approach, as well as working harder than they were previously. Through doing this, their life may chance, but then again, it might not.

More Pain

What seemed like the answer to their problem at one point in time might end up causing them to experience even more pain at another. This doesn’t necessarily mean their life wont change, but even if it does change they could end up being exhausted, or they might get to a certain point and then return to how their life was before.

As a result of this, one might decide to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. In this case, what is taking place externally can be the catalyst they need to look within.

Going Inside

Once they have brought their attention within themselves, they might look at what is taking place in their head. And after they have monitored their mind for while, they might start to notice that they have ‘negative’ thoughts.

Through noticing these thoughts, they might start to get an idea of why their life is the way it is. The next stage might be for them to look at what they believe about themselves, and to see how these beliefs are impacting their life.


This is also likely to mean that they also have ‘negative’ feelings, and they may come to believe that their feelings are being caused by what is taking place in their head. In this case, it will be important for them to deal with what is taking place in their mind.

However, there is also the chance that they will come to see that what is taking place in their head is being caused by what is going on in their body. In this case, their mind is simply triggering feelings that are trapped within them.


During this time, they may find that they feel as though they don’t deserve to be successful, and this may be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame. Through changing their beliefs and letting go of the toxic shame within them, they may find that they are soon on their way.

This is because they value who they are, and there is then no reason for them to sabotage their life. Yet, one may find that even though this has changed, their life is no different, and one could also be in a position where they have always valued themselves.

Another Reason

If one values themselves and their life still doesn’t change, it could be due to something that has not crossed their mind. At a deeper level, they may have the need to stay loyal to their family.

This might relate to one member of their family, or it could end up being something that relates to a number of their family members. But if one in a position where their parents are no longer alive, for instance, they might wonder how this is possible.


Yet, even if this is the case, one can still have the need to be loyal, and this shows it doesn’t matter whether they have passed on. Their need to be loyal is likely to come down to their need to be loved.

Keeping themselves at a certain level in life is then a way for them to maintain the connection they have with a member of their family or a number of people in their family. During their early years, they may have seen a family member suffer in some way, and the part of them that wanted to be accepted would have made the decision to experience life in the same way.

An Unconscious Process

Another way of looking at this would be to say that one did this without thinking about it, and at this age their primary need would have been to survive. As the years passed and one started to experience life in a way that was similar to someone they were brought up around, they are going to wonder why they can’t move forward.

And the reason someone they were brought up with experienced life in this way could have come down to their need to be loyal to one of their family members. Therefore, this could be something that goes back a number of generations.

The Same Experience

When a family a member is still suffering in the same way, this could make it even harder for them to move forward. They can have an even greater need to experience life as they are.

Experiencing life differently is then important, but it is not going to be important enough to lose their love. This shows that a new outlook is needed, and this is unlikely to happen through thinking differently, for instance.


When the need to be loyal is something that goes back a number of generations, one might not be able to move forward through working on what is taking place within them. Instead, one may need to look at what is taking place along their ancestral line.

This can take place through using family constellations. What matters here is that one listens to themselves and goes with what feels right.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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