Self-Punishment: Is Kayce From Yellowstone Punishing Himself?

In the article that I wrote about Yellowstone titled, ‘Can Someone Learn About Enmeshment By Watching Yellowstone?’, I briefly spoke about John’s youngest son, Kayce. I said that he was a loose cannon, and, in addition to the drama in his life, he was inches away from being killed or ending up in prison.

Additionally, I said, amongst other things, that the endless fights and dramas that he has are no doubt a partly replay of how it was for him as a child. This was the conclusion I came to after having watched eight episodes of the first season.

A Deeper Look

Now, after moving on from the first series and watching five episodes of season two, I have more information to work with. In episode five of season two, John says to Kayce, that he sometimes looks at him and doesn’t recognise the man looking back at him.

After this, Kayce opens up about one of the things that took place when he was in the Navy. Without going too far into it, he says that he had to kill not only a man who was a threat but his whole family.

No Choice

This man had already killed two people, so if he hadn’t done this, Kayce and whoever he was with were also likely to have been killed. But, although this was something that he was forced to do, he felt bad about what he had done.

This is a natural part of being a feeling human being who has a conscience. In the situation that he was in, with no time to think about what to do, what else could he have done?

The Outcome

Even so, while he did what he had to do to survive and protect others, he is now suffering. If he wasn’t a feeling human being who has a conscience, he might just be able to carry on as normal.

It is clear that he carries a lot of shame, guilt, and self-hate and has rejected himself. For example, he often looks down and although his father has made him head of the ranch, he creates the impression that he doesn’t feel worthy of this position.

Another Element

There is also the fear and anxiety that he is carrying, which is likely to be a sign that he has post-traumatic stress disorder. No doubt this is playing a part in why has got into a number of fights.

He is then no longer in a warzone but, internally, he doesn’t realise this. His system is still functioning as though it is in a warzone and needs to be on guard at all times.

Self-Sabotage

Not being able to fully accept his position as head of the ranch is just one of the ways that he is keeping good at bay. There is also what is taking place with his wife and son as they are no longer together.

Perhaps, deep down, he doesn’t believe that he deserves a family as he ended another family. As a result of this, both consciously and unconsciously, he does what he can to keep his own family at bay.

In A Hole

Without this understanding, it then seems as if Monica, his wife, just doesn’t want to be with him anymore. But, even if they were to get back together, and they have already slept together since they broke up, would he be able to sustain it?

Or, would he end up doing something to sabotage this area of his life again? Perhaps you know what will happen as you have watched more episodes but I will have to wait and see.

A Key Part

For Kayce to come to terms with what happened and no longer push good out of his life, he is going to need to forgive himself for what he has done. Furthermore, the trauma that he experienced by being in a warzone will need to be resolved.

The trouble is that he lives in an environment that is full of people who are shut down and typically drink to avoid their own pain. So, the chances of him taking these steps or being guided by another to do so are very low.

Further Back

What I also wonder is why he ended up going into the army in the first place. One way of looking at this would be to say this is just what some men do.

And, as his older brother was likely to be head of the ranch around the time he was thinking about enlisting, assuming that he was living at home at this point, there wasn’t a place for him there. However, there is a chance that the experiences that he had growing up with his father and perhaps siblings filled him with anger, rage and hate.

A Brutal Time

It was then not conscious, but, deep down, joining the army was seen as a way for him to experience revenge. The ‘enemies’ in another country would have represented his father and harming them would have been an indirect way for him to harm his father.

But, as it was symbolic and this stage of his life is over, these experiences would have given him a release but they wouldn’t have changed him at a fundamental level. The feelings that he experiences and circumstances that he finds himself in as an adult, will then, in many ways, be a continuation of how it was for him as a child.

Final Thoughts

With this in mind, it shows how someone can sabotage their life when they don’t feel worthy of having good things and being happy. Without this understanding, what is going on ’out there’ is likely to be seen as the problem.
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It also shows how what is not resolved from someone’s early years will end up being replayed until it is faced and resolved. The challenge is that, thanks to their brain’s ability to repress memories and pain, their conscious mind can have forgotten about most if not all of what took place during this stage of their life, which will prevent them from being able to see the connection.