If someone is in a position where they are finding it hard to handle life, they could believe that there is something inherently wrong with them. They could often see themselves as useless, incapable and even stupid.

Unlike perhaps the people in their life, who have it together or at the very least appear to, they won’t have been able to get together. This can mean that they will also have moments when they will see themselves as a failure and lack what others have.

One Area

When it comes to their life, then, they might not have a job or they could have a job that they can’t stand. Alternatively, they could have a job that they enjoy but may have been at the same level for years.

Either way, when it comes to changing what is going on, they might not feel comfortable doing anything about it. What could enter their mind, when they think about doing so, is that they don’t have what it takes and that it is not possible for them to move forward.

Inner State

When they are not working and even when they are, they could often be filled with anxiety. This will mean that they will rarely feel at ease, making it hard for them to perform at their best at work and recharge when they are not working.

If they are not anxious, they could be in a disconnected state and unable to connect to what is taking place inside them. What is clear is that they are not going to have a very pleasant experience on this earth.


By being so unsettled, it is likely that they will find it hard to sleep at night, which will also deprive them of the energy that they need. It is then not going to be a surprise if they do find it hard to concentrate, remember things and focus during the day.

Additionally, they might not eat the right foods and thereby be depriving themselves of the essential nutrients that they need. And, if they do exercise, it could be something that they only do every now and then.

Drawing the Line

Now, after getting to the point where they are unable to handle living in this way any longer, they could end up reaching out for external support. This could be a time when they will end up being seen as having a mental illness.

Or, they could be seen as suffering from at least one mental health issue. What this could do is provide them with a sense of relief as there will now be a reason as to why they have suffered for so long.

The Next Phase

After this, they could end up being offered medication and have the chance to work with a mind-based therapist, for instance. But, to take a step back for a moment, this whole approach can reinforce the view that they have of themselves as having something inherently wrong with them.

Before it would have been something that they were convinced of and now, as a result of being diagnosed, it can be seen by them as something that is the truth. Thus, it won’t matter if the person who diagnosed them had this intention as they will have indirectly fed into and validated their initial view of themselves.

A Surface-Level Approach

Regardless of whether they do or don’t end up going on medication and purely focusing on changing what is taking place in their mind and their behaviour, there is a strong chance that there is nothing inherently wrong with them. And, even if they are diagnosed by an expert as having some kind of disorder, it doesn’t mean that this means that there is anything abnormal about them.

The reason for this is that what has been and is going on for them is likely to be a reflection of what took place during their formative years (and even when they were in their mother’s womb). During this stage of their life, they may have been deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

A Closer Look

This could show that they were often left and they may have often been physically harmed and verbally put down. The outcome of this is that their developmental needs would have seldom been met and they would have been deeply traumatised in the process.

Instead of being able to develop a strong and integrated system; they would have ended up with a weak and fractured system. The years would have passed and what took place would have been forgotten about by their conscious mind and perhaps not taken into account by others, and they would have seen themselves as not being able to get it together due to them being weak, incapable, lacking will power and/or courage, for instance.


Ultimately, they would have had a brutal developmental period and missed out on what they needed, so what would be abnormal is if they could function as an adult. How they are as an adult will be a perfectly normal response to the deprivation that they experienced.

And, in all likelihood, if it wasn’t for what those who can handle life received during their formative years and when they were in their mother’s womb, they would be in the same position. So, if one does experience a lot of shame about not being able to get it together and function and part of them often criticises them, they can at least consider that this feeling and the critical thoughts they experience don’t reflect the truth.


If someone can relate to this and they feel the call to work through what is going on for them at a deeper level, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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