For as long as someone can remember, they may have found it hard to behave how they have wanted to. In general, then, it will be a challenge for them to express themselves and thus, for their true-self to see the light of day.

So, if they are able to fully show up, it will be the exception as opposed to the rule. Still, as pleased as they may be when this takes place, it could serve as a strong reminder of how seldom this takes place, which may leave them feeling deeply frustrated.

In Control

When they are able to express themselves, it could be due to one of two reasons. It could show that they are with people they are very close to, or, it could show that they are under the influence of alcohol.

In both of these situations, they could typically feel more in control and be able to express more of who they are. There could also be times, however, when being with close friends or drinking doesn’t help.

Totally Powerless

During these moments, they could feel as though someone or something has taken control of them. The reason for this is that their thoughts and their feelings could be all over the place, making it more or less impossible for them to be in their centre and to decide how they will behave.

It might seem as if someone has a remote and this person is making them experience certain feelings and thoughts. To be able to find their centre and regain control, they might need to spend a lot of time by themselves or to go into nature.

Another Challenge

Then again, whenever they spend time by themselves, this could also be a time when they are all at sea. To settle themselves down, they could eat things, watch something and/or call someone up.

And, even if spending time in nature settle’s them down, they won’t be able to stay there forever. Therefore, they will have to go back to their life and this will, of course, mean that they will be unsettled again.

Public Spaces

What could be even more challenging is when they go to places where there are a lot of people. Whenever they go shopping or out socialising, they could feel possessed by something.

This could be a time when they usually experience a lot of anxiety and fear. Instead of feeling at ease and comfortable in their own skin when they are around their fellow human beings, they will be like a rabbit in the headlights.

Held Back

Taking all this into account, it is not going to be a surprise if they lead a very unfulfilling life. By finding it so hard to express themselves, they won’t be able to consistently behave in a way that would allow them to create and then to sustain a life that is in alignment with who they are.

Ultimately, the moments when they are proactive won’t make up for all the moments when they are reactive. Like a leaf in the wind, they will be tossed all over the place; with their appearing to be very little that they can do about it.


As a result of how they generally behave, some of the people in their life could describe as being passive and easy-going. They could even see them as being “neurotic”, believing that they have issues.

If they are ever seen as being this way by another person, it could make them angry as they could sense that this doesn’t reflect who they are. What they could desire more than anything is to settle down and to be in control of themselves.

An Analogy

At this point in time, they will be like a big blob of jelly that is on a vibrating chair that is always on. The only time that this jelly will settle down is when the chair stops working due to a power cut, something that won’t take place very often.

What they will want, deep in their heart, is to be like a big oak tree; a tree that is solid and is rarely affected by its environment. Its branches will move when there is a strong wind but that will be about it, unless there is a storm, for example.

A Natural Outcome

When one is in this position, sadly, they could spend a lot of time criticising themselves and hold a lot of limiting beliefs. They could believe that they are weak, lack willpower, are too passive, and/or are incapable, for instance.

In truth, they are likely to be in a very bad way and, if those who act differently to them had gone through what they had gone through, they would probably be the same. Or, they could be shut down and not feel anything.

A Closer Look

The big question is: what is it that they have gone through that has made them this way? What this can illustrate is that their early years were extremely traumatic.

This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. From a very young age, a time when they were in an undeveloped state and incredibly vulnerable, their whole system would have been overwhelmed and there might not have been anyone who they could go to for help.

A Living Hell

What they went through, day after day, year after year, would have been hard for an adult to handle, let alone a small child. This should have been a time when they received the nurturance they needed to grow and develop, not a time when they were pushed to the limit.

Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but their body will carry the trauma that they experienced all those years ago and their being will be in a bad way. There will be the impact that it had on their brain, nervous system, emotional and mental body and fascia.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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