Self-Assertion: Can Developmental Trauma Stop Someone From Being Able To Assert Themselves?

When someone can assert themselves, they will have no trouble standing their ground and saying no. Along with this, if they want to do something, it won’t typically be a challenge for them to do it.

Having this ability will allow them to both protect and express themselves. Thanks to this, being walked over and acting like an extension of others is not going to be something that interests them.

External Feedback

This could mean that some people see them as someone who doesn’t put up with bad behaviour and takes life by the horns, for instance. Some of these people might admire them and imagine what it would be like to behave in the same way.

When it comes to living a fulfilling life, it is going to be clear that having the ability to assert oneself is essential. However, although this ability is essential, it is not something that everyone can relate to.

A Different Reality

If someone doesn’t have this ability, it is likely to be normal for them to be walked over and to say yes when they would rather say no. Furthermore, instead of expressing themselves, they are likely to generally act like an extension of others.

To say, then, that they are going to live an unfulfilling life could be an understatement; they could have a miserable existence. But, even if they do lead a life that is not really worth living, they could simply do their best to keep it together.

The Norm

This could be how their life has been for a very long time, which may mean that how they live their life doesn’t even stand out. It might cause them to feel frustrated and even angry from time to time but that could be about it.

If they were to think about how they live their life, they could believe that there is very little that they can do about what is going on and just have to tolerate it. As a result of this, they could often feel very low and find it hard to do anything.

One Area

When it comes to their relationships, they could have a number of friends who are not overly interested in what their needs are. As a result, they could often feel violated around them and the outcome of this is that they might carry a lot of resentment.

But, even if it is not their friends’ intention to make them do things that they don’t want to do, it won’t matter. If they don’t speak up and even make out that everything is fine, there is going to be no reason for their friends’ to know about what is really going on for them.

A Mismatch

If they have a job, they could do something that is soul-destroying and be happy to walk away and never go back. Or, if they do something that they enjoy, they might not feel comfortable taking the next step.

Not being able to assert themselves is then going to hold them back and stop them from going to the next level. With this in mind, they won’t be in a prison but it will be as if they are living in a prison that is invisible.

Stepping Back

If they were able to mentally detach from what is going on and reflect on how they experience life, they could wonder why they experience life in this way. They could see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

Consequently, they could feel totally hopeless and helpless and be desperate for their life to change. To gain a deeper understanding of what is going on; it will be a good idea for them to imagine asserting themselves.

An Important Activity

During this time, they might feel good and relieved about finally standing their ground and expressing themselves. Nonetheless, they might soon end up feeling uncomfortable and have the need to go back to how they were before; to hide how they feel and their needs.

This will show that asserting themselves is seen as something that will put their very survival at risk and, until that changes; they are unlikely to change their behaviour. At this point, they could wonder why asserting themselves is seen as being a threat to their very existence.

A Closer Look

What this may show is that their formative years were a time when they were deeply traumatised and deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Practically, from the moment they were born, they may have often been left.

As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what is going on. Their only option would have been to disconnect from their needs and the pain they were in and to go into a shut down state.

The Past Is Present

What they went through will be ‘in the past’ and their conscious mind may have largely forgotten about it but their brain and body won’t have. These parts of them will carry the impact of what took place.

Until they start to work through the pain and arousal that are inside them, they will continue to see asserting themselves as a threat to their survival and part of them will make sure that this need is kept in check. This shows how their unconscious mind is having an effect on how they perceive reality and they are not simply observing what is going on ‘out there’.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they read to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.